cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Main content skiplink
Join an event. Happening today.

Looking for a hand out

Hello,

I've experienced depression throughout the years since 2011. Thankfully, I have managed to develop coping strategies to distract myself from times I've felt worthless or anxious etc which have been really beneficial. However recently, I had returned from working in America and began a relationship with a friend of mine that I've known since I was 11...the first few months were so awesome and we were both comfortable and safe and felt like nothing could stop us. However the past 6 weeks have become so overwhelming as she too has mood swings and self harms, though she doesn't feel comfortable talking about it with me, which I understand. It concerns me to no end obviously but her behaviour has recently changed to pushing me away instead of that security we had so early before. We've only been together about 5 months. I encourage discussion, however it ends up in her saying "i dont know" or just staring at me when I've tried to communicate with her about our relationship and where it stands. In addition, I feel I am stuck in a job that I don't want to be in, along with other commitments I'm not interested in anymore, that all lead to nothing. Only 6 months ago was I on top of the world when i wanted to conquer everything, but now I am really at a loss of what to do. I'm back on medication as I started having suicidal thoughts and did try harming myself though that wasnt that satisfying. I don't even know what I'm writing. I just feel so overwhelmed, and I'm ok to take it a day at a time, but I feel it's a ticking time bomb before my girlfriend gets sick of me, and before I'm too old to do what I really want to do. I should stick out what I've commited to, and I've commited to supporting her, but I am getting so sick, and my coping strategies are a thing of the past at the moment.

povolos
povolosPosted 07-05-2014 07:20 PM

Comments

 
EloiseRose
EloiseRosePosted 15-05-2014 06:56 PM

Hey @povolos 

I just want to say that it sounds like you are a really great partner and very supportive.

However i want to echo what everyone else has said you do need to look after yourself. Theres this great analogy about how you need to put the oxygen mask on yourself on a plane before you help your neighbour. And i think its so true in situations where you are supporting someone through a tough time. 

Its just as important for you to look after yourself as it is for you to be considered for your partner. 

What types of coping strategies have you been trying to use? 

Maybe we could see whatelse you could do?

 
ruenhonx
ruenhonxPosted 11-05-2014 10:13 PM
Hey @povolos

I agree with what the others have said to you and I think even though you are going through so much and are feeling overwhelmed right now, you have overcome this before and you will again. Just repeating what has already been said, you need to take care of yourself in order to take care of others and you also need to give yourself a break, things change and you sort of have to adjust to it and maybe doing some things that take your mind off it might help, like exercising or kick boxing or listening to music might help. Self care in general is so important right now.

You are strong and you will get through this, you just need to take care of yourself first.
 
mrmusic
mrmusicPosted 09-05-2014 10:13 AM

Hey @povolos ,

 

Wow, it definately sounds like you are going through a lot at the moment! Speaking from experience, change can be overwhelming at the best of times, and you've had a lot of it, with your move and relationship.

 

The fact that you are so committed to helping your partner with her issues shows how much of a caring person you are. However, it's really important that you're looking after yourself too. The fact that you are posting on here shows strength and determination, particularly in light of the fact that you have recognised your usual coping mechanisms aren't working right now. In addition to the awesome suggestions that @blithe has given you, I want to reinforce the need to keep yourself safe when you're having suicidal thoughts. Please ring the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467), or if you are an immediate danger, please call 000.

 

In terms of your partner, I guess the best thing you can do is keep encouraging her to seek help, and reminding her that you're there for her. I would encourage you to read this factsheet on Listening Skills, because from my experience, this really helps when you're having a difficult conversation.

 

I hope that everything works out for you, please stay strong. Let us know how you get on. Smiley Happy

 
blithe
blithePosted 07-05-2014 09:53 PM

Hi @povolos,

Welcome to Reachout. It's totally understandable that you're a bit overwhelmed at the moment - you've been through a whole LOT of change in your life in the past six months - moving home from America and starting a new life, job etc back in Australia, starting a new relationship with someone (which is itself a change from a longterm friendship to a relationship), and trying to help your partner cope with her own mental health issues. That would be a lot for anyone to handle!

It's great that you've recognised that your usual coping mechanism aren't helping you, and you decided to reach out and find some help or new ways to cope. Posting here is a great step in the right direction.

You mentioned you're back on medication - are you also getting some support from a counsellor? There are a bunch of services to help people with self harming issues if you are feeling like you'd like someone to talk to, and some help with strategies for steering yourself away from self harm and suicidal thoughts.

Self-harm support services.

Those resources might also be helpful for your partner, as an encouragement for her to seek help also.

Are you still feeling suicidal thoughts? If so, please call 000 and make sure you get help right away. We want to keep you safe!

 

Best of luck to you, and please keep us informed about how you are going.

 

blithe

 

Welcome back!

Join the Community

ReachOut is confidential & anonymous.

8+ characters, 1 capital letter, 1 lower case letter and 1 number

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.