No one attempts to be my friend
Hi everyone,
I would like to get advice. I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I am feeling pretty down.
I graduated high school last year and started my university degree online.
In high school I had a small handful of friends but now they don't really make a effort to talk to me. They used to live near my house but now they moved further into the city which is very far away. We keep in touch by texting.
They reply to my messages but it doesn't feel as if they are interested in talking to me. They reply as if they have to. My friendship with my friends feels one way. I feel as if I'm the only one who makes a effort to talk and keep the friendship.
All my friends have started university and tafe on campus, I'm the only one who is studying online. I understand that they are busy with their studies but even when they have time I don't think they make a effort to talk to me.
I have a sound relationship with my family but it would be good to talk to someone other than a family member and more of my age.
Most of my friends message me when they need something.
I feel pretty lame.
All I do is staying home, trying to study and have no one to talk to. It's not very practical to talk to my siblings. They are great people but it's not the same.
I am considering transfering my course to a course on campus because I can't tollorate staying home and not socialising. I can't study properly at home anyway because of the lack of space and noise.
It's a very difficult postion for me. To make it worse, on top of the lack of friends and lack of space to study - I am not feeling well in health and regularly taking tablets,
I feel pretty depressed and in fact proably have been depressed for more than 4 years. Before 4 years, I was at my old school where I had a huge friendship network. Once I moved to my new school, I had diffuclty making proper friends and have been bullied which may have caused my depression.
It sucks, it's complicated.
I never had a solution to my problems. I just keep on walking in life with no answer and my emotions being the same.
😞
Comments
Hey @Doni99, thanks for posting. It really sucks that you are feeling like you're good friendships are starting to change, it sounds like you're feeling pretty hurt, frustrated and lonely. Also, it really seems like staying home this much is not helping you physically or mentally?
It sounds like you have some real strengths but that you in a slump at the moment. 4 years is a really long time to feel down, have you ever thought about seeing someone for help? What other support do you have at the moment? If you wanted, you could check out ReachOut Next Step (which makes finding support a bit easier) and this sheet on the different types of depression and what services are available to you. Also, what was different when you felt better physically?
Transitioning from high school to university can be bumpy sometimes, and it's pretty normal to find that your friendships are changing (although it still can feel really bad!). Perhaps your friends don't realize that your feeling excluded or perhaps, as you said, they are really busy? Regardless, you might want to check out this on starting uni, the first little bit has some ideas on how to meet new people.
Hope this helps and you start feeling better soon
Thank you so much everyone for replying!
I really apprecaite your comments and advice 🙂
I decided to apply for mid year uni and waiting for offers now.
I'm not sure if I can get in because I havn't finished two subjects yet but l'll see what happens.
I enjoy doing uni online, it's very flexible but it's not realistic with what is going on at home. Hopefully my decision to do study on campus does me some good and gives me some peace to study!
I guess I will feel better mentally when I meet actual people on campus.
Let's see how I go 😉
Thank you everyone for giving me your support, I really appreciate the existance of this forum!
Thank you everyone for checking up on me 🙂
Things are going okay I guess but trying to study is difficult for me.
My house is very small, I only have 3 options: study in the living room, study in my bro's room or my sister's room. All options are so unrealistic.
I can't focus in any of the rooms. The living room is always loud, there's no way to limit the sound. I am sick of migrating from room to room. I just want to sit in one place and study. The last few days it has been difficult for me to start my essay which is due in a few weeks. I also have a exam which is after the essay is due. I have less than 20 days to prepare for the essay and the exam.
Because there is no permanent place to study, I procrastionate alot. I am just so sick of staying home and trying to study, my parents and siblings try their best to make it easier for me to study but it's so unrealistic for me. I don't know what to do. My parents won't let me go to libraries which are far away.
I feel like I am stuck in one place.
I'm not sure if I will get in to mid year intake for the uni I applied. Not sure if my results will be good enough. I am just so sick of home. Even if I get in, the issue at home remains the same. I am just so sick of this and most of the time just cry alone. I am just so frustrated. There is no point telling my feelings to my parents or sibs, we can't move right now although my parents know my need.
We are planning to move next year to a bigger house but I can't wait that long. I don't want to wait that long to study properly at home.
I don't know what to do. There's literally no one to help me resolve this issue 😞 I am just so sick of everything, I feel so depressed.
Hey @Doni99 thanks for giving us an update on how you are doing. We are always here to support you. I’m sorry you are going through such a rough time. Having little to no space for ourselves can be really difficult. And on top of that when we are feeling isolated from other students and friends, it’s quite natural to feel depressed. You said there is not point in telling your parents and siblings (it sounds like they are trying to make studying easier for you) but I wonder if it’s worth having a chat with them especially since your exams are coming up. Another thing you can try is find some time during the day or early morning when it’s relatively quiet in the house for studying.
Feeling isolated and stuck can make it really difficult to see the brighter side of life, not to mention make it very challenging to concentrate on studying. Last time you sounded positive about getting into an on-campus course. That could very well still happen! And the thing is, you don’t know exactly how things will change when it does happen. Remember you are not alone. We are here and there are other people you can talk to as well. When we feel heard and understood, it’s easier to come up with solutions to tough situations.
@tsnyder mentioned some resources you can use in an earlier post. You can also call a counsellor for a chat. Kids Helpline has phone support for people aged 13-25 years old. Their number is 1800 55 1800 and they also have online help chat at https://kidshelpline.com.au. There is also eheadspace with online chat option at https://www.eheadspace.org.au/.
Keep us posted on how you are feeling and take care.
Mona
Hey @Doni99,
Well done for applying for a course on campus 🙂
It sounds like this might be what you need!
Keep us posted with how it goes. In the meantime, if you're having any struggles with your current course, or your mood, let us know and we will do our best to help you through it.
Lahna
Sounds like everything is going well at the moment @Doni99! Good luck with getting into uni 
Hi I think its normal to lose your high school friends but that doesnt mean that you dont try to connect with them. A read somewhere that the best way to ask ppl to meetup is to ask them out to lunch/dinner cus EVERONEs gotta eat!
Its also a good idea to start making new friends, I have found that facebook groups and meetup.com are useful places for me to meet new ppl that share same interest as me.
Good luck!
I completely resonate with what you're saying. I do go to a campus, but I still struggle with making friends.
It is a hard thing for you to change to going on-campus?
Are there any places near you where you can get some study done? A coffee shop or library maybe?
You could also try joining some clubs or groups, which can be a great way to make friends.
You are an awesome person Doni, enthusiastic, friendly and amazing.
Hi @Doni99
I had a similar experience after high school where many different people went many different ways and it was really difficult to comprehend that we might drift apart. I was not good at making friends and so I was really worried if I could make new ones. If you feel like you want to carry their friendship like you have been then do it, if you get sick of the friendship being one-sided and unfair stop spending so much effort on it.
It seems like you spend a lot of time at home, do you think that you would be able to manage a casual job? Having a job is a great way to meet new people, you are able to learn new skills and it means you would be financially independent which gives you a bit of freedom.
When you are depressed the person should be taking care of most is you. I understand friendships are very important and enrich our lives but it is important to love yourself first, because when you love yourself, others will love you - trust me. Do you have any hobbies or interests that you enjoy? Do you treat yourself often? Joining a club of your particular interest is also a great way to make friends. Making sure to treat yourself when you finish an assignnment or when you have had a rough day is a great way to love yourself, bubble baths, a meal at a cafe, buying yourself your favourite treat.
An exercise routine is a great way to clear your head and get out of the house, exercise releases endorphins which make you feel happy and it makes you have to focus on what you are doing physically which distracts you from negative thoughts.
Let me know what you think of these suggestions, I hope they can help 🙂
Hiya @Doni99, sorry to hear the transition to uni has been a bit lonely for you. I study online too, so I understand that it can be a bit isolating. Friendships often go through a few changes after high school. You get used to seeing people every day and then all of a sudden everyone is off in different directions - uni, work, home, etc. It's unlikely that friendships will be exactly the same as they were before, given the change in circumstances, but it's still totally possible to maintain them. It might take a bit of work, and feeling like you're the one making all the effort, but it helps to keep in mind that everyone is going through some big life changes at the moment and starting uni tends to absorb most of your free time. Hang in there and keep messaging them, once your schedules align I'm sure they will be keen to catch up.
