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Overbearing mother issues.

Hello my name is Yuno, I'm female.

I'm also 20-23 years old. 
I'd like to start by saying my mom is a good mom and anything I write here isn't a reflection of her but just her behaviour sometimes, I love my mom. 

Lately I've signed up for a job, I've done the whole process with a lot of help from my mom (You know the whole resume, Cover letters, recommendations etc. 
It's a casual job and the first real job I've ever got.

The job process took a lot of time and it was unusually hard. It's a job that requires much more than usual.
But I've passed through a lot of the stages with flying colours, they liked my resume and cover letter.
They've seen my face and I'm going in for an interview this week because they seemed very impressed.
Which is good, it's great actually.
But to me this job is, temporary, it's just a money maker until I do what I really want to do.

But to my mom it isn't.
 She's been nagging me lately and I felt like If I took a more adult initiative by taking on this job she might back off a little bit and start letting me make my own decisions in life.
You know if I'm more independent she might trust me more. 

But it's been the opposite effect. 

She keeps talking to me as though I'm going to rise up through the ranks of my job and become some sort of super worker, basically hinting and planning my whole life around this job. 
As if I'm going to work there for 10+ years or something and when I bought up that I might not want to do it forever her answer was "well what else are you going to do? Once you have the skills you won't want to leave.

That answer alone left me stunned. 
It made me realise SHE'S NOT LISTENING to me at all. 
she seems to ignore what I really want, she doesn't seem to take me seriously. 
I know I've been childish sometimes, but it's honestly hard trying to become an adult, the skills needed feels like I'm turning myself inside out but I'm honestly trying hard. 

I'm doing well at Uni, I'm acing this job what more does she want from me? 
It's not like I ask anyone for help with my stuff most of it I do myself. 
So here's my question...

What can I do to get her to trust me enough so that I can make my own choices in life? (How do I get her to back off a little and let me become an adult)

I'm doing everything I can possibly think of, everything I do seems to backfire SOS HELP. 


Re: Overbearing mother issues.

Hey there @YunoGasai,


Well done on getting an interview with this new job! It sounds like you put in a lot of hard work, good luck with the interview later this week! 


I'm sorry to hear that your mother is being overbearing, it sounds like you both have different ideas of what this job means. I know you mentioned that you spoke to her about not staying at the job forever, but have you mentioned your current feelings to her? 

It's great that you want to be able to make your own choices regarding this job and your future, adulting can be hard but from your posts, I can see that you are trying Smiley Happy 


Aside from your mother, is there anyone else you can talk to about how you've been feeling? 


I am finishing with ReachOut this week, say good-bye here. I'll miss you all!


Re: Overbearing mother issues.

Congratulations @YunoGasai on the job!

I'm not too sure of what to suggest in this situation, but I just wanted to let you know that I've had a similar experience when I had a job in reception for a financial planning company.

I started this job full-time but after 4 months I decided to quit as I just wasn't really interested in the field and I just wanting enjoying working there overall. 

I felt really scared to break the news to my dad as he had the idea too that I'd stay there and just build my way up in working in finance. He had trouble understanding my choice but I just had to emphasize to him that it wasn't making me happy.


It sounds as though your mum is excited for you to establish yourself in the workforce and just wants to see you succeed. Although it seems as though maybe it's coming out in a way that is controlling and undermining your own ideas.


Have you thought about letting her know what you'd like to to instead ?


Re: Overbearing mother issues.

Hey @YunoGasai


How is your job progression going? I would love to hear an update on the outcome of your interview Smiley Happy


I have had issues too with my mum being super involved in my life and sometimes it feels suffocating even when you know it comes from a good place.  Have you had a chance to talk to her about your feelings yet? 


Re: Overbearing mother issues.

They're hiring me. I made it! They were very impressed. I haven't talked with her yet, she seems excited and I feel like this will be a little good for me and pull me out of the funk I've been in for a while.

Re: Overbearing mother issues.

@YunoGasai CONGRATULATIONS!! Sorry for the late reply, I have been a little busy lately. 

I am really happy to hear that you got the job and it was helping you to feel a bit more positive. 


How is it going at the job? Smiley Happy


Re: Overbearing mother issues.

hey @YunoGasai, congrats on the job!! you worked really hard for it and you should feel proud of yourself Smiley Happy


I think your situation with your mom is a tough one because it sounds like you're doing a great job with everything in your life, like staying in uni and getting that job. However, I think sometimes parents can have a hard time seeing their kids become some of them might feel afraid or lonely that their kid will leave them soon and that is a hard thing to handle. Though that's definitely not an excuse for your mom to make you feel not listened to and ignore, because a mom's job should always be to support and listen to their kids.


Some other people have mentioned this but have you considered talking to your mom and letting her know your feelings on this? It could be that she doesn't realise she is being overbearing and thinks she is being helpful, or that she doesn't know the impact her behaviour is having on you.


Re: Overbearing mother issues.

I can completely feel the situation you are facing, i too having the same problem with my mother and not letting me give a chance to stand on my own legs.


Re: Overbearing mother issues.

Hi @Pandoraaa! Welcome to the forums!

I'm so sorry you're going through a similar issue with your mother. Smiley Sad Since this thread is a bit old now, would you like to make a new thread where we can support you more?