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Overthinking - Are these thoughts correct or not ?

  1. Hi there,
    This is a bit ridiculous but its causing me so much stress

    Heres a backstory,
    So back in year 3 this girl lets call her A, A used to apparently talk about me behind my back, didn't think much of it and since then we have been in classes together, partners in cooking and she sits with my group of friends at recess currently. In June 2016 she unfollowed me on Instagram (wow yes I know thats ridiculous), anyway since then I've always been second guessing stuff she does like if i walk past her and i hear her laugh I always think its about me and stuff like that. One time I thought she was laughing about me when i walked past but I found out later she actually wasn't laughing about me, she mentioned the situation to a group of people my sister was sitting with and my sister realised it wasn't about me and said to A (oh My sister (me) thought you were laughing at her ) which A was not laughing at me. That was the only time 2 years ago that she found out I sometimes question if she's talking about me or not.

    Anyway I haven't questioned anything she's done since the end of last year, until Saturday.

    I was scrolling through facebook and A had commented on one of those funny posts tagging one of her friends in it.
    The post said:

    When someone you hate is breathing

    Immediately I think this is about me
    and when someone you hates breaths what does that even mean you want them to stop breathing? and what die ?
    (i don't know thats a bit of a stretch) oops

    anyway As friend that was tagged in the when someone you hate breaths post mentioned something about her brother
    which made me think that maybe A, tagged her friend in that because her friend has experienced something like that before like because As friend mentioned her brother.

    the post was not posted by A she must of just found them and thought they were relatable to her and her friend so she tagged her friend in it and

    the post was posted last year i just found it last week.
    My sister says its absolutely not about me and that A wouldn't even think of me or I wouldn't even come to her mind or her friends mind when she tagged her friend in this post or any for that matter
    All the posts A has ever liked, tagged people have never raised any concern just this one

    But i can't shake the feeling that this isabout me, Its like an elephant is sitting on my chest. Its almost like i know but I also don't.

      Also why do I keep thinking this is about me, when I've been wrong like everytime before, for some reason I thought her unfollowing me on instagram sparked something, then I started to question everything she did. Maybe it actually didn't spark anything and everything remained just the same and I just thought it changed.
    My sister is trying to say that A wants nothing to do with me ( not in a bad way, just in like she doesn't think about me all the time and she wouldn't think about me in a post like this ) its just so hard to realise that i guess, because i still feel the post A tagged her friend in is about me

     

    Do you think its just the anxiety talking?
    Sorry this is so long I wanted to get it all out

  2.  

Re: Overthinking - Are these thoughts correct or not ?

Hey @Elle1505 first off thanks heaps for sharing, we are super happy to listen and support you through this.

 

In terms of your anxiety I think it's totally understandable in today's social media climate. An unfollow on a social media platform is kind of like the internet's way of saying to someone "I don't want to engage"  not to mention discovering she's spoken about you behind your back it's even more understandable. I think it's really big of you to know she's this sort of person and still remain calm and ignore her for the most part. She sounds like the kind of person you don't want to be friends with. Do you think she was perhaps intimidated by you at some point or is she just really bored?

 

In terms of the FB tag your sister is onto something. There's no point getting too invested because often on Social Media we will never know what various tags are about, this is even an issue adults deal with. Is it possible to unfollow all of her activity so it's not fuelling your anxiety? You sound so level headed and it sucks to hear A with her low energy is worrying you. Would you consider having a chat to a free counsellor over at KHL? They're really good with school related issues - their number is 1800 55 1800. I will tag some other members for their input Smiley Happy


Re: Overthinking - Are these thoughts correct or not ?

Re: Overthinking - Are these thoughts correct or not ?

Thankyou for your reply 

Yes I've spoken to KHL they are very good 

As for A we are actually all right now we've never really had any problems 

I just heard someone say something to my mum once back in year 3 that she was talking about me apparently anyway that was what 9 years ago or something.

 

As for The whole instagram thing , It doesn't bother me anymore a bunch of people unfollow me every year I think it only bothered me with A because we had problems before. and honestly I don't even post or like anyones photos on instagram because I'm so inactive so maybe she just unfollowed me because of that.

 

As for this situation the reason I thought it was about me is because I just automatically assumed it could be about me due to our past experiences and thats what I based my final decision on and why I'm so upset about it 

But what doesn't make sense is 1, The girl she tagged in it wouldn't have anything to do with it, 2 it was so long ago and 3 we don't even have any issues ( I believe as of current ) we very rarely see each other at school she does sit with her friends and my friends as we all sit together at lunch but theres never been an issue and just in general we both keep to our selves and our lives as in we donate see each other at school or outside of school other than the lunchtimes I just  mentioned.

 

The problem Im having I guess is with myself, If I'm judging all this situations and jumping to conclusions I guess I'm basing everything off nothing and I need to realise to relax and she's not talking about me and probably wouldn't even think about me anymore ( As my sister has said ) 

 

Because I don't actually know if this situation ( Post ) is about me, Im just assuming based on past experiences ( Year 3 I guess )

and the other things i have questioned which have been pretty much all wrong and misjudged aswell.

 

Its just so hard to drop it and forget about it and not believe its about me when I can very easily give you'll the reasons as to why I believe it is about me

 

anyway who knows

Thankyou so much   

   

Re: Overthinking - Are these thoughts correct or not ?

You are very self-aware which is so rad @Elle1505. It sounds like you know your thought patterns super well. It definitely sounds like that incident in grade 3 is driving a lot of this anxiety, sometimes that happens - certain events can linger. The key thing is being aware of it which you are so kudos to you. Heart

Re: Overthinking - Are these thoughts correct or not ?

Thankyou so much 

and thank you for understanding what Im on about 

Sometimes when I post on other forums I kind of get the general vibe that people are like ( yeah she's talking about you get over it )

but thats not what I'm trying to get at, if that makes sense, Im trying to find out the reason why i continue to jump to conclusions and misjudge situations ( and get them wrong and also how to fix that ) 

also a solution to this specific situation would be great, but only A knows who she was talking about and why she tagged her friend in that post. And Im not asking because that could start things and what If I'm wrong, That would be a bit embarrassing he he .

 

Anyway as for how I'm feeling now, still a little doubtful and I have a heavy feeling on my chest that the post was about me and thats who A was thinking of when she tagged her friend. But more so that thats where my thoughts are leading me and maybe it us not the actual reality of this situation.

I know ill eventually get over it, but its still hard because I'm so unsure and it just makes so much sense to me 

  

 

Re: Overthinking - Are these thoughts correct or not ?

Hey @Elle1505! Thanks so much for sharing this situation with us. I know a lot of users on the forums (myself included) can experience high levels of anxiety and it's great to be able to talk about it.

 

I'm really impressed at your reasons for posting on the forums. I get the impression that you're aware of how your thoughts/feelings are impacting you, and you want to try to change them, am I right?

 

It sounds like in the past when you've thought this girl was talking about you, looking for evidence that it may not be true has been helpful e.g. when your sister confirmed it by asking her. Maybe when you start to have these anxious thoughts, you could try to look for evidence that contradicts them. Does that sound possible?

 

Look forward to hearing from you! Smiley Happy 

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: Overthinking - Are these thoughts correct or not ?

Hi there, 

Thankyou for your reply, yes your advice does sound helpful thankyou Smiley Happy 

 

Ive found so much evidence and with talking to my sister we've pretty much come up with that this situation is not about me at all 

I don't know why believing that is so hard for me? because even though I can quite logically work it out it still makes so much sense to me

 

Any way

I'm getting there

Thankyou so much   

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Re: Overthinking - Are these thoughts correct or not ?

Hey @Elle1505, it's great that you've found some support systems (including us) and feel like you're getting somewhere with this issue. How are you feeling today? Sending all my positive vibes your way <3

Re: Overthinking - Are these thoughts correct or not ?

Hi There, 

Thankyou for your reply 

Yes these forums help so much, especially getting an outsiders opinion on the situation.

Im feeling good today, still a little tense and somewhat upset ( more a numb feeling ? ) but we are getting somewhere

 

I think we have all realised here that I have pretty much come to the conclusion that actually most likely no this situation was most likely not even about me, and it was just my clouded judgement jumping to conclusions ( again and being wrong most likely just like always )

 

I think the feeling of being upset comes from this whole situation in general and being unsure, but I'm sure if someone were to ask this girl ( Hey, is that post you tagged your friend in related to Me ) The answer would most likely be no 

 

I just need to realise that ( fully and not just logically ) if that makes sense Smiley Happy 

 

Thankyou so much