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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJSI am pleased to hear that Christmas went well for you. How did you go with your counsellor? I hope you were able to start brainstorming some of your ideas and discuss your thoughts about being genderfluid. You talked a bit about widening your support network as well. How are you going with that?

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R@TOM-RO Hi. I haven’t spoken much with D since they posted last, so I’ll wake them up in a bit. I can answer for the support network thing. I mentioned a trans friend of mine I nicknamed Genevieve who I’m coming out to tomorrow.

 

One thing we’ve noticed since other members have switched in that I can’t remember what happened very clearly, but I know basically what happened. I know D got into a bit of a complex conversation with our counsellor and it ended up being quite difficult for D to talk about it. Mostly because they thought that they weren’t comfortable with the idea of being genderfluid and got dysphoric over thinking about defining themself in relation to gendered norms.

 

[D] I’m up now. What R said is right, but I don’t really feel comfortable about gendered social norms. I tried to talk about the more subjective parts of gender identity without getting into social norms, but it was hard when our counsellor kept bringing them up. He was talking about taking pieces of the social roles and using them to get a better understanding of myself, but since we were sleep deprived because of R, I just found the conversation hard to comprehend and I got really tired eventually (I was alright for a bit when I switched in, but the body being tired caught up to me. I kinda don’t want to think about it right now.

He also brought up biology for a bit as well, which is hard for me because I want what the rest of my system wants (our body to be female), but I don’t feel like I am female necessarily.

 

I feel like it’s hard to think about being genderfluid without bringing social norms into it. I remember @Tiny_leaf mentioning they were genderfluid. Could you explain what that’s like for you?

 

[RD’s not feeling too great, and I’m kind of the same, but I don’t think I’m feeling as bad as they are. Our mum and I were going to dinner with a few family members, but I was feeling dysphoric when we were on our way, and we were most of the way there I think when our mum got I text that I read (since she was driving), that said our aunty’s ex-husband was coming. It was then our mum turned around and brought me home, because he’s apparently said to another family member I’m close to a bunch of transphobic shit about me (by the way, might I add I haven’t seen him in about the last two years, and barely knew him anyway). On top of him also getting divorced recently, being verbally abusive (as I’ve been told, but I don’t know much about that), and being creepy, neither our mum or I wanted me to deal with him saying anything transphobic. 

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS Hi D (I have been summoned Smiley Tongue)

 

Yeah gender's just... weird. And biology's equally weird. And when people confuse the two the whole thing turns into a big mess.

 

Hmm.. well being genderfluid can work a little differently for everyone.

I've heard of one person who would switch between binary male and female, with no in between.

I'm possibly as far as you can get from that while still being genderfluid.

For me, I'd describe it as my gender "wandering" around a central point (which is a non-binary gender and thus has no name, just to make things more confusing for my poor brain as it tries to figure out what I am. Let's call it gender x for now because I personally think that sounds kinda cool)

I'm never male, female or agender. But I can be almost anything in between at different times.

I think atm I'm on the slightly masculine side of gender x, which is one of the more unusual ones for me.

Idk, it's like my gender "lives" in x, but often goes for walks towards the other genders.

 

Basically, if you ask me to describe my gender in detail, my answer will vary, but you might notice a bit of a pattern. (which is really my entire questioning process summed up)

 

My attitudes to normal social gender roles is to politely ask them to f off normally though, regardless of my gender at the time.

 

 

And oh my gosh I'm glad you all got to avoid that guy. I had an interaction with a transphobic dude recently and it went absolutely not brilliant, can't recommend it at all..

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[D@Tiny_leaf I like that idea of a “gender x” as a starting point. I kind of feel that something similar to that might suit me.

 

One question I forgot that our counsellor asked me is why even go into this gender stuff, but I still want to because I want to have an answer for that. Other than not wanting to leave it entirely ambiguous, I guess I just want to be able to have an answer for myself.

 

Yeah, would not have had a good time with him. She’s only known him as the creepy rebound husband who lives in the garage, so I think regardless of whether he was transphobic or not, none of us would want to have dinner with him.

 

Edit: By “gender x” is that something like a maverique gender?

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS eww... definitely don't blame her for not wanting to spend time with him..

 

I know what you mean, I hate leaving things ambiguous as well.

It can be weird to have such a big part of your identity left unacknowledged as well....

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R] I’m here with Genevieve. She doesn’t know I’m on here. I’ve been here for a few hours now and I’m struggling to find the courage to speak up. This is terrifying.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS 

You can do this!!

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS on a slightly more practical note, do you think some breathing exercises might help you keep calm?

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R@Tiny_leaf I did it!!!!!!!! She’s really supportive and happy for me/us. Only took me about 14 hours since I got here (I’m on a sleepover), one pep talk from A, and a phone to write a note on and conveniently place in Genevieve’s view.

 

I have tried breathing a bit slowly, but earlier I was worried about bursting into tears. I’m fine though, that didn’t happen.

 

I should probably get D up to reply to one of your other posts.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS well done R!!!

(virtual high five!!!)

 

How did the rest of the sleepover go?

 

And D can reply whenever they're ready, there's no pressure Smiley Happy