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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx you're more than welcome, and of course I'm here, I try my best to support anyone on these forums and just life in general as much as I can.

 

Sometimes it just helps having someone to listen, that helps me sometimes anyway. Thanks for being there for me too.

 

Ooh sounds like a lovely meal, I'm jealous of the Tacos & Chocolate Mousse, two of my favourite things haha

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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Hi @xXLexi_Lou122Xx

I’m glad you had something to eat since we last talked, and that it was something so yummy, as well. (Now I want tacos, too!)

It sounds like you had a really exhausting day having to deal with all the noise in the classroom, and just feeling not as supported before with a youth leader.

It was really impressive of you to be able to balance out that thought by also saying “I’ll be okay” and remembering you had things to look forward to as well, with your aunt’s birthday; I think that shows a lot of strength to be able to do that, what about you?

I hope you’ve been able to have a chat with someone since then, as well.

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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

@musicfan_xo I’m thankful that you’re here, and I’m always here for you too. Heart

I agree, having someone to listen really does help sometimes.

Haha, lol. The mousse wasn’t quite what I wanted, so I just ate the icecream and chocolate self-saucing pudding. Smiley Tongue
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

@TOM-RO yeah. I’m glad it was tacos!

Yeah... It’s not very fun...

I honestly don’t think of myself like that currently...

I’ll talk to someone soon...
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Aw I'm glad you feel that way, thanks so much. I feel the same about you and everyone I've talked to on RO.

 

Haha either way sounds like a nice dinner @xXLexi_Lou122Xx 

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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

No problem @musicfan_xo!

Yeah, the tacos and icecream are just the perfect way to celebrate someone’s birthday! Smiley Happy
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

I want to cry, but the tears won't come. I want to talk to someone, but they either will get me help that doesn't help at all, or have to tell my parents about what I tell them. I want to stop hurting myself through the writing on my wrists and the suicidal drawings I draw, but its a habit that I can't break out of. I want to stop hating myself, but I can't because I'm not who I want to be. I want to hurt myself, but I can't act on those urges because of what would happen if someone found out. I want to smile for the people who care about me, particularly my teachers, but I can't even smile for them.

There is nothing I can do anymore. I can't even fake smile anymore. My teachers are worrying about me too... But I can't tell them. They have their duty of care, and I don't want them to say anything to my parents. It Hurts, so bad, that I can't tell anyone.

I'm safe. Just alone and sad. Very very sad.
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx, I am sorry that you are in this space right now. It must be really really hard on you to go through this alone. I can tell that it is really painful for you to feel as though there is nobody you can talk to Heart

 

You mentioned a few things about your feelings towards yourself and the help that is offered to you. What type of support would be most helpful to you? It is totally okay if you don't know, I just thought I would ask. You also mentioned not being able to stop hating yourself because you are not who you want to be. Can you explain a little more about that? Who do you want to be?

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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx , I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing today? Just catching up on your posts from the weekend,and it sounds like you have a lot on your mind at the moment. I remember a little while ago you gave Kids Helpline a try, is that right?  Thinking of you- we are all here for you. 

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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me

@Taylor-RO yeah... its not the best rn...

I honestly don’t know what support would help me, at least out of what’s available to me.
I know that if I can tell someone how I really feel, including the fact that I want to hurt myself, but can’t, without them telling someone else of higher authority or my parents, then I would probably talk to them. But I can’t, because if I say anything that involves wanting to harm myself, that counts, and needs to be reported to someone superior. And I don’t think that the way I look (depressive), is helping me either. I found out that another teacher is worried about me... *sigh*

I don’t exactly know who I want to be...
Definitely not this fat, ugly, stupid, sensitive, depressed, “attention-seeker”, that I call myself. I don’t call myself an attention seeker, but I’ve been told that I am.

I guess all this self-hate is basically turning me into something else, Like a depressed girl, who hates everything about herself. Especially her weight, her features, and her “Beauty”. And the level of intelligence she knows she doesn’t have.

By she, I mean me. But you get the gist.