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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me
I have not had used a digital diary before but it sounds very interesting. I hope that writing all your thoughts down has been helpful for you tonight and that it has made you feel a bit better

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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me
I’ll reply properly soon, but right now I have to get this off my load...
I honestly just want to die right now. I’m in science again, and I should be doing work, but I can barely stay awake. I’m dizzy, I’m tired, and I am distressed. This is not a good mix. I am likely to pass out from physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion and distress, and I have a distressing maths class next.
I’m on the verge of tears, I already cried a little at lunch, just a half hour before.
I want to go home, I’m so sad and tired. But I can’t. I have to stay here.
I don’t know what to do... 😣😔
I am safe. 😔
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me
Aww @xXLexi_Lou122Xx those days when you are feeling so low and you have to be at school are so so tough. If it's definitely not an option for you to go home, are there any places at school where you can have some space? Or is there a teacher you trust, that you can speak to?
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me
I can’t leave the room either, and I definitely can’t leave. I can’t cope any more. I am so tempted to walk out right now, and go to the office.
I am so dizzy, and so sad and distressed, I just can’t keep going like this. I’m not okay. I just can’t anymore. Even with some space, I can’t get into a calmer headspace.
I don’t know what I’m doing anymore...
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me
Yes, I have eaten. I think my bp is relatively low...

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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me
Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx , just checking how you're going? Take your time replying, I understand you may be at school or busy
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me
Yeah, sorry. I was at school still, but I’m home now.

I honestly wish I could curl up into a ball and cry into someone. I used to hug a youth leader and cry, but no one seems to do that anymore. Even before iso and social distancing. It kinda hurts... Especially because I don’t want to hug anyone else, except for a youth leader who cares... 😔
I’m still feeling a bit unwell, but I’ll be okay. I’m going down to my grandparents for dinner tonight, to celebrate my auntie’s birthday, yesterday.
I’ll bring my bullet journal, so I have something to do while I’m down there.
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me
@xXLexi_Lou122Xx no worries. I'm sorry you feel that way, anything I can do? It's ok to cry, sometimes we need to let it all out.
I hope you feel better soon, enjoy your dinner with your grandparents, aunty etc.
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Re: TW: Major trust issues, and self-hate is catching up to me
I don't know of anything that anyone can do, but thank you for being here.

I'll probably talk to someone later, over a call. Probably another youth leader, but hopefully they'll care...
I hope so too. We're currently eating tacos, and dessert will be up soon. I believe there is chocolate mousse...😏
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