This doesn't even make sense
This stupid persistent anger making me want to and have to self injure or make myself feel bad, as punishment for nothing or just everything in general. Almost like I'm daring myself to do it, and if I don't then I'm a complete wimp/loser/etc. I'm totally full of shit.
Comments
hey @Bay82VU
I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for you to constantly have these recurring thoughts. I hope you know that there is absolutely no reason for you, or anyone for that matter, to deserve to feel this way. I hope you also know that there's nothing wimpy about not going through with injure yourself - i'd actually view it as a demonstration of your strength in fighting the thoughts your battling which must be incredibly tough!
I know that you mentioned that sometimes you feel as though it's not so bad and you can cope alone, but I do recommend trying to meet with the psychologist that your GP recommended. It doesn't matter how serious or small your issue seems, they will be happy to listen to you and help you work through this. When I saw a psychologist for the first time, I remember being incredibly hesitant because I thought what I was going through wasn't a big deal and I was just uncomfortable about the whole process. I ended up forcing myself to go and found it incredibly helpful.
Hope you're feeling a little better. Stay strong and let us know how you go.
Went from feeling ok to major SH urges after the game 😞 Meh at least there's no visible evidence.
I can't call the psychologist because there's too many questions I need to ask before trying to set up an appointment... And at first I'll have to leave a message and she'll call me back which is worse because phone calls freak me out and I'll have to take it outside and find somewhere without any people at the same time as trying to talk.
Do you guys know if there's a way to swap to a different psychologist without having to go back to the GP, but still being covered under the medicare rebate thing? I've found one who has plenty of info online and so I'd be way more comfortable calling him to book an appointment (except I wouldn't even need to actually call, since he's got an online form to fill out... super easy)... Compared to the one I was referred to who doesn't even have an email address.
Hey @Bay82VU my understanding is that you need the GP referral to be able to claim the Medicare rebate. It has to do with MH Treatment Plan paperwork. If you have private health cover you can just set up an appointment as a private patient. Since the new psych you found has a web enquiries form, why not just drop them a line and find out what the deal is and whether you'll need to go back to the GP?
What was it about the game that triggered your urge to self harm? Being able to identify those triggers is a really powerful tool for managing them.
Yeah I thought as much 😞 It seems stupid though that the referral should be just to one person and not transferrable, because I've read that plenty of people take a few tries to find someone they're comfortable with... Do they seriously have to go back to the GP each time?
That's a good idea about using the form to ask the other guy... I might do that, once I get my head around it being ok for me to have a question and not already know everything by magic lol. Thanks for the idea.
The game itself was fine even though we lost (we usually do). It was just afterwards I was feeling too uninhibited/unhinged and like I had way too much energy as soon as we got outside. Maybe just being outside on a nice night with no pressing responsibilities, or maybe trying to say goodbye to the rest of the team without coming across as a weirdo... I dunno
Tried asking eheadspace... They said I have to call the Dr to get it changed, and then tried to get me to call the psychologist instead.
I can't call the doctor, and there's no way I can call that psychologist without actual info and without wanting to go to her because how am I possibly going to relate to someone who is trying to run a business without making a website or listing basic 21st century information. It takes everything out of me just to make a single fucking phone call which is part of the reason I was trying to get help in the first place.
It'd be comical if it wasn't a life sentence to this for the rest of my pathetic existence.
It might not make sense @Bay82VU but our brains are tricky little buggers and they don't always like to act rationally. I can tell you, and I will tell you, that you are not a wimp or a loser if you decide not to self-harm, in fact it actually makes you really strong. You can learn to be kinder to yourself, practice turning negative thoughts into positive ones. It's all completely possible and there are loads of great resources here on Reach Out to help you on the way. Have you read any that stand out as having potential for you?
@ElleBelle I do't know... When it's like this it's hard to even allow myself to attempt anything positive, because that's the opposite of what I deserve. The only thing that seems to work without making me more angry is to try and stay occupied with something neutral, but the thoughts and anger constantly come back and I just want it over and done with.
Hey @Bay82VU
it must be really difficult to feel like you don't deserve to be happy. Speaking with professionals, as @lanejane suggested would really help.
This may also be a good time for you to focus on building up your self-esteem and finding out all your strengths. Here's a helpful link: http://au.reachout.com/steps-to-improve-self-esteem
Also, remember that everyone deserves to have positive experiences, including you @Bay82VU ! 🙂
It sounds like you are going through a really rough period lately @Bay82VU - I can see from a few of your recent posts that you have been consistently feeling pretty down. I think it's important if you are struggling to think positively that you speak to someone about what you're going through. It's great that you come to the forums but sometimes it can be handy to talk to someone professional.
I can't remember if you mentioned in your other posts whether you had tried speaking to eheadspace? There is a whole bunch of others services that might be useful for you too. There is a list on the RO website here. As a regular forum user i'm sure you have also seen this page on self help for self harm but i'm going to post it anyway. Sometimes it's good to read over things again.
Another thing that might be useful is this thread from a few weeks ago. There is some good tips and advice on dealing with self harm in there.
Have you got anything planned for today that might help you relax or distract you?
Thanks for the links @lanejane and @Student94
I've tried emailing eheadspace a couple of times, but I'm not good at setting up appointments for the online chat, and I dunno how to respond to the last email. I'm still meant to be calling the psychologist that my GP recommended to find out about her, but haven't managed to do that yet.
A lot of times (like today during the middle of the day) it's like "meh it's not so bad I can deal with this and don't need help" so it seems like it's not worth going further with those. I guess I'll see...
I've got a team sport thing tonight for like an hour so I'll see how that goes.
Hey @Bay82VU 🙂
It's great that you're looking forward to the team sport event tonight!
Many people have told me that even if you aren't looking for 'help' from a psychologist, they're still happy to speak to you so don't worry about contacting them without a good reason 🙂
