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This isn't normal, and I'm scared to talk about it with people I know

It's normal to miss someone when they move away...but not to this extent. A boy I've had strong feelings for, for around 7 years left school almost two years ago to work instead of completing VCE. For a year we didn't speak and I missed him but I was ok until about August last year, then it gradually got worse. We now talk again via text but that is all. The last couple of months I've struggled to sleep at night but fall asleep during class, I have constant headaches which can range from mild to extremely painful to the point where my eyes are aching, my throat is often sore and dry, I struggle to concentrate on anything, I've lost motivation for practically everything, I occasionally feel sick, I'm always hungry and overeat, I've lost enjoyment in things I used to live like listening to music and playing guitar, and I feel like crying at least 90% of the time. And the main thing on my mind is him. Many people judge my feelings as they aren't returned and we will never be more than friends. This is getting harder to live with everyday and the only thing that makes a real difference is texting him.

Re: This isn't normal, and I'm scared to talk about it with people I know

Hey @KjStormy


Welcome to I'm sorry to hear that you've been feeling lonely and lacking some mojo these days. It really sucks when you feel like crap and 'eh' about doing hobbies too. 


It sounds like you value his friendship and see him more than that. Have you spoken to him about it and see how it goes? Being open and honest about how you feel could be a good starting point in figuring out whether he feels the same way. Since you guys communicate via text, it allows you to write a 'draft' and tweak it a bit before sending it. 


As for you headaches, you can visit your local GP who could also refer you to a psychologist or a counsellor if you feel like talking to someone. You can also chat to the folks at eheadspace or Kids Helpline if you feel that you're struggling at the moment. 


Here on R.O, we're a supportive bunch! So check out our community here and join us in our Games section as well as introduce yourself here!


Stay strong and let us know how you go. 



Stay excellent

Re: This isn't normal, and I'm scared to talk about it with people I know

I just want to say that in life we need the right balance between things like family, education, friends, work, hobbies, love, etc. I believe we need all these areas to be a happy person. So Im wondering if you focus more energy on these other areas that you will feel better. Take care and let us know how you are going.

Re: This isn't normal, and I'm scared to talk about it with people I know

Some of those physical symptoms sound pretty intense @KjStormy and they might not be caused by missing your friend. Does anything in this article resonate with you? If you're always sad and don't find enjoyment in things you used to, it might be worth making an appointment with your school counsellor or getting a referral from a GP to speak to someone. Time has a funny way of healing pain, but developing coping strategies can be a big help in the meantime.

Re: This isn't normal, and I'm scared to talk about it with people I know

@Myvo I want to talk to him about it, see how he feels and if he has any ideas, but at the same time I don't want to put the pressure on him or make out like he's done something wrong by leaving
@standinside I've been trying to focus on other things, but I seem to really struggle with that
@ElleBelle, I've seen a number of counsellors in my lifetime and none if them have ever been able to help me with this attachment, some have even judged me

Re: This isn't normal, and I'm scared to talk about it with people I know

Hi @KjStormy, it sucks you've had some bad experiences with counsellors in the past, but there are a lot of great ones out there who really do care and want to help. If you do decide to speak with someone again, it might take a bit of time before you feel like progress is being made, but try to stick with it, especially if you start seeing a counsellor who you feel comfortable speaking with. Remember, you've already taken a very brave step by opening up and discussing your feelings on Reach Out!


I agree with @Myvo's suggestion to maybe speak with him about how you feel. If you write a few drafts of what you want to say and then send off a version you're happy with, you could word it in a way where he won't feel pressured.


Have you guys ever talked about possibly meeting up? That could also be a good opportunity for you to gauge his feelings and if you feel comfortable, begin to talk about yours.