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i don’t know what to do

For a while now I haven’t been feeling like myself. Someone will say something to me or i will just be around certain people and it either triggers this horrible feeling that i need to go home and hide in my bed, or i get this feeling that i need to lock myself in my room alone. i used to be so comfortable around my family and friends but now even just sitting with them makes me want to cry. i often think it’s just my period but then i also think, because these feelings come so often, well this is happening an awful lot to just be something ‘normal’ and i don’t know what to do. my mum is very uncomfortable talking about mental health and when i try to talk about it, she brushes it off or ignores it which makes me feel worse. so i’m feeling pretty hopeless about it. i took home a piece of paper from school either early this year or end of last year that would get me an appointment with the guidance councillor but when my mum saw it and asked about it i told her i got it by mistake and threw it out. i’ve wondered for ages whether i should get help or not, so tonight i simply googled- on the private setting- ‘do i need help’. i read through the information on black dog institution and i teared up reading the things i related to. they had some online self tests on the website which i took fully knowing they aren’t always accurate. this whole time i didn’t know whether i was ‘making these feelings up’ or if they are real, it seems ridiculous but i would be happy and think,’ so i have been lying to myself this whole time’ or something like that, but these test results- which came back for depression: severe- 21 and for anxiety: moderate- 12- have at least made me understand that maybe i should find a way to talk to a doctor. i feel like i also have to put out a disclaimer that this isn’t for attention, i am 15 so people would probably think that, but i really just don’t know what to do

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Re: i don’t know what to do

Hey @LB-27, I'm sorry you've been going through such a hard time lately Smiley Sad It sounds like such an isolating time, especially because your mum has continued to invalidate how you're feeling. Deciding to seek help is such an amazing and brave thing to do! Here are some potentially helpful links to get you started! Smiley Happy

 

 

Is there anything I can do to help at the moment? Happy to chat

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Re: i don’t know what to do

Thank you for you reply and the links. I read through them and they all have really good tips. I’m going to try to talk to my mum about going to the doctor, but I want to go alone, I don’t think I could talk properly if my parents went with me. My mum goes through what I go through, but she has this idea that if i got help and depression or anxiety went on my ‘record’ getting a job would be harder. 

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Re: i don’t know what to do

I do have a question. These periods of time when I feel horrible seem never ending, is it normal to suddenly feel fine again for any amount of time? For example, all day i feel terrible but then at night all of a sudden i’m fine. Then again, when I wake up in the morning it’s terrible again

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Re: i don’t know what to do

I'm glad you found the links useful and are planning on seeing the doctor @LB-27 Smiley Happy. Ah I see, she's afraid of what might happen in your future. Everything you say to your doctor should be completely confidential. I don't think getting help would hinder your chances of getting a job. In fact, getting help for mental health should have a beneficial effect for you and your 'work ethic' Smiley Happy What do you think?
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Re: i don’t know what to do

Sorry just saw this. There's no 'normal' experience of things. Some people feel better at different times in the day. Personally, I usually feel worse at night when I'm more alone with my thoughts. Others may find waking up in the morning upsetting because the day ahead of them feels like a huge task and they are already exhausted. Why do you think mornings are a bad time for you?
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Re: i don’t know what to do

I agree with you. I love her and appreciate her but her coping mechanisms aren’t going to help me. I think I really should speak up now before I start my ATAR learning. I start that in Term 3 this year. I’ve had problems with anxiety in primary school and I don’t need a repeat of that. How should I approach my mum when telling her I want to go to the doctor, and on my own?

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Re: i don’t know what to do

The mornings are a fresh start that I feel are going to get ruined. I go to sleep upset a lot and wake up ready but as soon as I start talking to my family I become irritated and then this cycle thing starts again. It particularly tonight and right now. After I did this online test, I suddenly felt really calm, like I finally knew I hadn’t been lying to myself about being so upset. 

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Re: i don’t know what to do

It sounds like a good thing to address these problems before even more stress comes into your life. That cycle must be very exhausting Smiley Sad It's really sad people start feeling like they're making things up or "attention-seeking", things like this don't really work in that way. I'm glad you know you aren't making things up Smiley Happy I wonder, also, if you feel this test has made you feel less alone in a way? Because there are other people who are feeling the way you do?

Hm I'm not sure, it's up to you what you think is the best way to approach your mum with this. You could write a note, or tell her, and be as vague or specific as you like. Can you come up with an idea for approaching your mum with the idea of you going to see the doctor on your own?

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Re: i don’t know what to do

I suppose it does, but even when I think about other people feeling the same way, it feels like I won’t be able to get help. It was just more comforting to know that when I answered the questions honestly, the results validated what i’m feeling. I don’t mean for that to sounds as if I want this, it’s just good to know I have somewhere to go from here. 

I might write her a note, I can’t talk about this kind of thing without crying, and I feel very uncomfortable crying in front of people. I will be able to think of something