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jumping back into life.
So I am starting a new thread because the new website format wont let me view my old thread past a certain number of pages so sorry if I am missing anything I think I caught most of it before it swapped over but anyway it was probably time for a new thread anyway. @MB95 @Lost_Space_Explorer5 I am tagging you too cause I think you replied before.
anyway sorry I have been away, I went to my psychiatrist appointment and they said I had to go straight to hospital and I just got out today. I am super behind on uni now and really dont know what to do but that i am not going to think about tonight. a lot has been going on and I am now on a depot medication which I hate, I am seeing the psych again on friday and yeah idk where to even start. I will try and catch up on everything that has been going on here soon.
@Matt-RO @Lost_Space_Explorer5 @MB95 yeah my sleep is all over the place at the moment i am either not sleeping at all or the only thing i am doing is sleeping there is no inbetween. so i had my appointment thing and i am now on another treatment order which kinda sucks a lot but yeah idk how to feel right now. i was almost getting excited to be off the order but yeah anyway cant do much now. i am also just having a really weird day. like i have slept a lot today but i am also really agitated and cant stay doing anything for very long at all and idk i am just feeling super super weird and off and not right and ugh idk what is going on.
Ugh, I can totally relate to that sleep cycle. It sucks hey?! I'm not sure there's much to really do when it's like that either cause it's like your body is just fighting against you hey? I'm really sorry to hear about the treatment order. It explains why you were so nervous about the appointment. I can't imagine it is much fun being on one. Do you feel like you could understand some of the rationale behind their decision to keep you on one? I'm sorry there's not much you can do about it. That really does suck!! Do you think you'll be able to comply with it? Cause surely if they see you doing that then it can be re-evaluated again later? I'm sure it's not the outcome you were hoping for, but I'm hoping they've only put it in place for your safety. What do you think?
It sounds like today was a bit of an odd one for you. Its such a weird feeling when we're so tired and sleepy yet so agitated at the same time. Like who would have even thought that was possible? Lol I always feel strange when I feel like that cause it's like everything in me is conflicting. Do you feel the same?
Has it calmed down at all for you tonight?
@MB95 nah i still feel really terrible and weird. idk i dont have a choice i have to comply with it or they send me back to hospital and i dont want to go there.
ugh i am really worried about one of my friends and i would call them but i am too scared i will find out something has happened to them.
Hi @Eden1717 I'm sorry to hear about your sleep schedule and your new treatment order. It sounds like it has been a very tough day for you.
You also mentioned that you're worried about your friend, do you mind me asking why you think something may have happened to them?
We are always here for you 💜
Yeah I guess that's true, definitely don't want to end up back there if you can avoid it hey! Not after your experiences there 😔
I'm sorry to hear about your friend, that's not good. It sounds like you're really worried about them. Is there something in particular that has you so worried? Do you think maybe a text would be easier? Although I guess they aren't too different really when worry is a concern. I hope he/she is okay and I hope that you're able to get some sleep tonight cause I understand that sort of stuff can really play on someone's mind. Is there anything we can do to help?
I have texted the friend but they havent replied which is unlike them and it has nearly been a month. anyway i probably shouldnt talk about this on here i am just very worried about them.
I am having a hard day today everything is kind of a mess and i am struggling so much to get my uni work done and i was crying this morning and ugh idk i just feel very emotional at the moment but i am also struggling to take care of myself and i think i am becoming malnourished tbh but idk how to fix that given what else is going on right now anyway oh well i just need to try and sort myself out a bit more.
Being worried about your friend must be a really uncomforable feeling.
Aw no, that's not good that you're becoming malnourished. Might it be an idea to get some groceries delivered? I think Coles only charge $5 per delivery. You might even want to buy a bunch of pre-made meals to make your life easier, so that you dont have to spend time cooking. I know you're having some concentration issues, so if you like, maybe we can select some foods together that might be good for you?
Hey @Eden1717 I'm sorry you've been feeling so off and having trouble with sleeping and eating and looking after yourself 😞 That would be so stressful with your friend- I assume you have, but have you sent follow up messages?
And yeah sleep can be such a tricky thing- I slept like really well not last night but the night before and was like yay my sleep schedule is fixed but then I didn't sleep well last night
yeah i have sent follow up messages. idk i am very worried. anyway yeah sleep is tricky.
as for click and collect i will have a look into it but yeah idk it is complicated.
ugh i am really sad and tired tonight and idk how to get all my uni stuff done and i want to scream and anyway i was going to write more but now i just cant.
I can understand why you might be feeling worried @Eden1717. Is it at the point where you would get a third party involved?
I hope you find a way to get some groceries. I am sure it'd be expensive, but if you have UberEats in your area, sometimes they can deliver some items that might tie you over for a little.
Last night sounds like it sucked - being sad and tired makes anything difficult, let alone doing uni work. I hope you are doing better today ❤️
I don't blame you for being worried! I hope your friend is okay!
Click and collect is okay I think- with lockdown we've had to use it a few times
I'm sorry you're feeling so down tonight 😞 Is there anything we can help with?
Yeah you will still have to leave the house. You could find out by doing a quick google search. It's a bit easier though because you can just wait in your car and don't have to actually enter the shopping center. So you can shop online at your own pace without having to be conscious of people or your trolley being in the way or freezing in the cold section etc. It's up to you of course, but my offer of support is here if you want some help choosing some foods, because choice can be overwhelming! Up to you. I just know that being malnourished wouldn't be helping your mental health 🙁 @Eden1717
@MaryRO thanks, nothing has really been helping bring me comfort lately idk why i think it is the agitation blocking any feelings of comfort.
@Lost_Space_Explorer5 thanks, yeah idk challenging the thoughts tends to make me more suspicious and scared like it just pushes it further idk how to explain it very well but yeah it is weird. i just have to try and not think about it as much as possible. idk it is hard.
I had classes all day today and i am exhausted but my lecturers where nice about me being gone so that was good but i have so much work to do. i just idk i am still feeling weird and everyone expects me to be feeling better after the hospital and like in some ways i do but in others i really dont so idk it is hard to meet peoples expectations. i had more to say but i am so tired now it is all gone out of my head.
I'm sorry nothing is really helping at the moment @Eden1717 😞 And no that makes total sense with the talking about it making you more suspicious and scared, I think I would probably feel the same way in your position! Would it be more helpful I guess to focus more on validating the feelings these thoughts bring up rather than trying to challenge the thoughts themselves? And also trying to find distractions if it's possible? It does sound really hard- I guess I'm just hoping we're supporting you in the best way for you and not making things worse that's all!
That's awesome your lecturers have been so supportive! 🙂 It can make all the difference when uni accomodates your needs. It sucks you've got all this work to catch up on now though, I guess just try and take your time and take it easy? Mm I get what you mean.. I think hospital isn't intended to make things better it's more just to hit pause and keep you safe and I guess some people have the expectations that it can get you back to feeling 100%? But like even if you go to hospital for like a physical illness isn't their focus on getting you 'stable' enough to be treated in the community (if it's an ongoing thing)? Like isn't that the same for mental health? Idk maybe people have a misconception about it hm anyway sorry I went on a tangent
That's okay if you think of it we're here to listen. I hope you were able to get some rest in after so much uni today ❤️
Hey @Eden1717, dealing with agitation and trying not to think about who is real or not sounds easier said than done. I feel you, it must be so difficult and exhausting. Class all day is definitely tiring - I remember those days! Glad to hear that your lecturers have been understanding though. It sucks that when you take time off, you still need to catch up. It'd be nice to have an actual break, hey?
You mentioned not meeting people's expectations. Are there people who expect you to be feeling better? Everyone is different and like you said, you might be feeling 'better' in some ways but not in others.
@Lost_Space_Explorer5 and @Taylor-RO yeah people seem to think i should be feeling much better which is weird considering that yeah hospital isnt a fix everything type of deal. anyway i guess that is just another thing i have to deal with. today has been so weird I have pretty much slept all day but i am still tired. idk i really nervous about tomorrow though but yeah ugh everything is so hard.
Yeah it is weird @Eden1717 I guess it's a common misconception. It sounds like you needed the rest today? Do you want to talk about what's happening tomorrow?
Is the phone appointment with someone you know or is it someone new? We are around if you want to talk about it. I'm sorry you're feeling nervous about it. I'm gonna take a stab in the dark here and guess you're not going to get much sleep tonight then huh? I will probably hang out on the games thread for a little bit soon if you want to join me but I also know you don't particularly like them so I am just as happy chatting and listening if you need. I don't really know what to say or how to help calm the nerves sorry cause I get the same and nothing seems to work for me so I wouldn't even know what to suggest 🙃 All I've got is distraction? That seems to be my go to for literally everything these days! Find something to do so you forget what's going on. But then it's trying to find something to do or muster up the energy to even do it.. and I'm really not helping here so I'm gonna shut up. But I am around to listen if you need. I promise I will try to keep the shit advice to a minimum 🤦♀️😂
Hi @Eden1717 ,
Totally get what you mean. Often people almost wish for a recovery more than is able to occur sometimes. These things take time and can go up and down before we’re on the other side of things.
I think being tired and sleeping is okay. I mean considering you had a lot of time sleeping not that long ago, maybe your body and mind are just trying to find the right balance or catching up.
@Matt-RO @Lost_Space_Explorer5 yeah i think i was just exhausted from yesterday. and idk i have a phone appointment of sorts tomorrow and i am just very nervous about it.