I'm in a huge argument with my friends
Lately my friends and i have been arguing a lot, and it has been getting toxic on both sides. Yesterday i snapped and said something i regret, and i tried really hard to fix it , but my friend was very angry. She was talking in 'all caps' for most of the night and i was trying to calm her down. Eventually she did and she says she will be hurt for a long time but she wants to move on. Its now been 12 hours and i dont quite know what to do. Should i message her tonight and see if she is okay, or leave her be. I'm getting mixed signals from her and i dont know what to do. Since we are in lockdown and my parents have now died, i am very lonely at home so the thought of my friedns not wanting to talk to me is terrifying, even though i seem to get my foot in it on a regular basis
Comments
Hi @Brian6787
Arguing with friends is always a hard problem to have and being stuck in the middle is never a fun position to be in. First of all whatever the problem is, if your friend says that she is hurt and that she will take time to be okay, don't expect them to get over things quickly. Trust me, I understand that it may be hard. I'm someone who gets over problems easy and wants to solve things ASAP and just move on, but I realized with my SO that people are not always like that.
Your friend might take a long time to get over things, but you just need to support them and be there for them. They can forgive you and accept your apology, but don't expect them to forget about what happened straight away. If things pan out faster and things clear up soon then that's good but keep an open mind that people don't deal with problems the same way that you may hope for.
I understand what its like to feel alone especially during these times, but if you need someone to talk to Reachout is always here with many forums that are less serious if you want someone to chat to.
Hopefully, things work out friend.
Hi @Brian6787, I'm sorry that are dealing with this at such a difficult time. If you are comfortable would you be able to give us some more background on the things that are going on between you and your friend? If not, that is okay too.
I believe an apology goes a long way when it comes to situations like these, especially if they are things that you regret saying. From personal experience, it's best to keep open communication going, asking what they would like from you. For example, whether or not they would like for you to give them space or if they are ready to talk and sort out the issue.
I think giving the information that @Hannah-RO posted about toxic friendships/relationships and doing the quiz will also give you some useful tips on how to deal with them as well.
Hey @Brian6787
I am really sorry to hear that you are going through this tough time with your friend. It sounds to me like you would like to talk to her and so I think it is important to open the lines of communication with your friend if you are unsure what she would like. Maybe you can message and ask what it is she wants from you i.e does she want to talk or would she prefer some space for the time being. An apology also goes a long way if you are sorry for the thing you regret saying, however, remember not to be too hard on yourself, we all say some things we regret from time to time and the only thing we can do is openly communicate with the other person to come to a mutual understanding of the issue at hand. As @Hannah-RO mentioned, there is a quiz you can do to have a look at whether your friendship is toxic. Is this something you would be interested in doing?
Let us know if there is anything else you want to share about the situation and maybe we can suggest some more tailored advice.
Hey @Brian6787, I'm sorry this is happening with your friend, it sounds really upsetting, and that stress of not knowing whether or not to reply can really play on your mind. If you're comfortable sharing could you tell us a bit more about whats going with you and your friend?
We've got some resources about toxic friendships on our website that might be interesting for you to look at, this one is about dealing with the friendship, And here is a link to a quiz on whether a friendship is toxic with tips on what you can do.
I'm sorry you're feeling lonely at the moment, being in lockdown and the loss of your parents must be having an impact on your wellbeing, who are you living with at the moment? Are there other people in your life you feel supported by?
There's also a few resources and supports about coping through lockdown that could be useful for you, would you like me to link some of those?
