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Learning to swim when the surf's up
This is a thread for @j95 and anyone else to talk through how to tackle the pressures that life throw at us. I put it in everyday life stuff, because while i think it tackles some tough times i reckon it's about thinking through the really positive and happy moments as well.
Just like surfing, you do different things at different times. When a huge wave comes past when you're on your way out, you take a deep breath and try not to get squished, but when you're in the right spot, at the right time, that same big wave can be a terrifying but fun ride in (and everyone thinks you're cool). Life's a bit like that, sometimes we just have to try not to get squished, other times we get in the right spot to turn challenges into awesomeness.
Here's where we got so far. Lately j95 has been feeling a bit overwhelmed, he's described it as like being in a tornado, a very anger, frustration and stress fuelled tornado. But that's not all the time, sometimes things are a lot less intense too. So I think this thread could be about thinking through what is good to do based on how you're feeling.
So for example, when a tornado strikes, things you could do could include just withdrawing from as much stuff as possible, to try and cut back on the fuel for the fire.
When things are low or you're feeling small and helpless you could do things like distraction and coping, or challenging those thoughts by remembering (or asking other people to remind you) how strong you actually are.
Anyway the first step in this whole random thing that i just made up is to think about your internal situation. I.e the different modes you have like small and helpless, angry, sad but also positive emotional modes like chilled out, relaxed, happy, excited!
So. list the modes, from the worst/ toughest to the best/easiest
Then write a description of what the mode is and how you can recognise it.
Finally once we've done that, we can think about what could be good to do in those modes!
Comments
Hey @j95 that's pretty rad you can reflect and see both of your go to modes from the weekend am wondering whether you've been able to strategise how to manage the dominant modes and then also pull yourself out of the small modes?
I can get a very hot temper on occasion... one thing I find super helpful is giving my feeling of anger a name and identity. I have this wolf tattoo on my arm that I like to visualise as a real wolf sometimes, I kind of visualise calming the wolf down whilst I speak to him. I think in psychology it's called "externalising". I will tell my wolf "I can see your teeth are bared and you're angry, I acknowledge that. But calm down, take a seat at the door and breathe."
I know there are other people who like to use toys/artworks/songs to externalise an emotion too if you're not up to talking to imaginary animals
Anyone else have any techniques like this? @safari93 @SmileMonkey @DruidChild etc? 🙂
I am logging off much love RO crew! Chat tomorrow night.
ps. my wolf's current mood 🙂
Other modes could be like
- Creative. Thinks of lots of different things and tries to make them happen. This mode is really hard to do when I'm stressed and have a lot of other stuff in my head. So it doesn't happen that often. I usually become fixated one an idea and work hard on it.
-
- Tackle problems. Usually this happens when I have a spare moment. I try to fix all of the things. I find it hard to prioritise and I just try and do it all. Which is fine but makes it hard and could lead to me getting frustrated I get super stressed when I can't do everything.
- Neutral. I don't think this is even a mode. It's just me really. It's where I want to be.
-
@j95 I think you did pretty good at explaining how you felt last night. I am guessing that it's probably like 10x more intense than some of those feelings at times though.
If you had to measure last night on a scale of 1-100 with 1 being the most relaxed and at peace you could ever be and 100 being the worst you have ever felt, what score would you give it?
- Overwhelmed
- Anxious
- Sick
- Like I was going to die
- like my head was like sort of full of stuff I couldn't cope with
- couldn't really think straight
How I feel right now...
pretty 'normal', calm, my head is still full of stuff and I'm anxious but it's manageable, put my head in a micrwave thing is still lingering
This morning I felt
- crap
- stressed
- very tired
- very anxious
- felt really sick
- Angry at myself
@Ben-RO
Well, we need to capture more modes. Describe them and how you're feeling during them.
So one way to do that might be to come back to this thread and describe how you're feeling at different times.
Or you could reflect on how you were feeling the day before and describe the modes you experienced.
Let's start by having a go at describing:
How you felt last night?
How you feel right now?
How you felt this morning?
Ok there's 2 that my counsellor and I recognised together, and also a 3rd one that he recognised but we never got to explore, I know a little about what it might look like but I'm not sure.
Those few are:
'dominating':
- angry
- aggresive
- swearing
- behaviour that is similar to the way dad used to be
'small and stupid':
- feeling hurt
- feeling small
- being very passive
- using negative language towards myself 'im a loser' etc - this can also come under dominating, it sort of works for both
- i go back into myself and hide in my shell
The 3rd one, which I haven't gotten to explore yet is
'neglecting'
I think the emelents to this could be like not doing things I need to do to look after myself, like deliberately not taking my medication, or seeking help, or something. Look I'm not too sure yet.
I guess the others I haven't thought of but you mentioned some possible ones earlier @Ben-RO like
'Inspired, creative, tackling problems', you can probably guess what these would look like.