Let's promote assertiveness :-)
Hello People of RO! 
I was discussing assertiveness with a friend today, and I was just thinking that it can be really tough to stand up for ourselves sometimes. So why not share our assertiveness stories so we can be proud of ourselves and of each other?
DEAR MAN is an acronym we can use to formulate an assertive response/request (I'll post a link below for more information for those who are interested).
An example may be that you think you haven't been paid correctly by your boss, and a response might look like this:
Describe the situation: I just checked my bank account.
Express: I'm a bit confused, because I thought I would be paid X amount this week.
Assert: Could you please double check that it is correct for me?
Reinforce: I'd really appreciate that.
Mindful: keep focused on the topic you intended on speaking about. Try not to bring up past conflicts or be swayed by the other person's hostility.
Appear confident: stand up straight and make eye contact
Negotiate: be open to negotiation.
Anyway, I'd love to hear about when you have been assertive, what you do when you want to be assertive and what works for you.
Happy sharing!
For more information about how to use the acronym DEAR MAN:
http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/ie_handout_8.html
Comments
Great idea for a thread!
I am looking forward to hearing different strategies that people have in place when trying to be assertive.
Do you have any secret tips or tricks that help you to remain assertive?
Also, I am really keen to hear more about how do you know when you need to be assertive – is it a feeling in your body, your gut, or instinct?
Or perhaps is it an experience or a situation when it all becomes too much to handle that you need to speak up?
Hi @JanaG!
Great idea for a thread 
This is so relatable!
I have to say that I think that I tend to be a 'people-pleaser' so I find it difficult to express my own opinions or stand up for myself. It's definitely something I'm going to work on though!
Good on you for being assertive about your pay 🙂
That'sa very good point @May_! I can relate to feeling that way myself. 🙂 But I know that if I am communicating assertively I am being reasonable and I'm not attacking the other person so they can explain things if they need to.
I really like this post about assertiveness I think it can be an act of self care. By actively addressing an issue you are having allows you to express yourself and also gives the other person the insight to understand your concerns.
@miniaturetigers definitely true that assertiveness can be an act of self-care - I hadn't really thought of it like that before...
As I was responding to a member on here, I found this thread so I thought I would bump it! I think assertiveness is such an important skill and not talked about enough. It can be so common to feeling guilty or bad when being assertive.. but it is not the same as being aggressive and can be done respectfully and politely. I also found this article here that explains more about assertiveness which I think would be helpful for those who want to know more 
Feel free to share your experience of times that you were assertive! 
@JanaG being assertive isn't something that comes easy to me, but something I am trying to be better at 🙂
Agreed @Alison5 🙂 Is assertiveness something that comes naturally for you? Or was that something you had to work on (or are still working on)?
@JanaG DEARMAN is the best!
I use it all the time!
Most recently, I was helping a friend with her assignments, which I was happy to do, but it got to the point where I was skipping my own classes in order to help her, so I had to gently explain that I wouldn't be able to help on certain occasions. It was so difficult, because I hate saying no to anything and I felt quite selfish, but I felt much better afterwards...
@letitgo glad you agree and that you were able to put yourself first! 😄 That's a great example.
