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Fear of work

Hi everyone, wow, the forum is looking a lot different since the last time I was on here, I'm a bit lost 😅

I'm here partially to just vent, partially for advice and partially to hear if anyone else is/has been in the same boat.

 

Not even joking, I swear I have a work-phobia, and it makes me feel really down on myself and really pessimistic about the future. Working has always scared me, but I've had jobs before. When I was 19 I screwed up all of my courage and finally got my first job in a new store that was opening in my area, and it was horrid (due to the borderline abusive boss who ghosted half of the new hirees after 2 months, just stopped giving us shifts...) I'm almost 23 now, I've had three short-term jobs since then (like 4 months was the longest), and other than that just survived off of Youth Allowance while in uni.

 

I'm finished uni now and I'm anxious every day. My degree didn't lead anywhere in particular so I've jumped onto a TAFE course, hoping the more practical vocational study will give me more confidence... but I am terrified of when I will have to go on placement. I hate the advice of, "you just have to force yourself and it will get better." I have forced myself but I never became comfortable at any of my jobs, and always dreaded every shift. In my Xmas casual retail job I used to hide by always working in the fitting rooms, because I was afraid of talking to customers and of being scolded by managers. It was so exhausting.

 

Since I'm in Vic, the lockdown helps me avoid all this, but I can't run forever. I feel stupid, babyish and like a failure of an adult because of this fear. I just can't imagine myself succeeding at work, I don't think I have what it takes. But everyone has to work, so what's wrong with me?

lemurien
lemurienPosted 20-08-2021 08:55 PM
 
 
 
 
 
lemurien
lemurienPosted 14-11-2021 07:45 PM

@StormySeas17 hi hi!

I'm about 70% of the way through placement now! I love my school... the children and the staff are just so sweet and beautiful. Here's something great that happened-

So at the beginning of placement, I tried showing up early but I would just end up babysitting in the classroom while the teachers did other things they said they didn't need help with. It made me anxious because it was so unstructured, so I started showing up once class had started instead. But it turns out that the children were only being let into the classroom early to play for the first few weeks to try to help them transition back to school. So the other day I went in early again and I got to finally have some good chats with my supervisors as colleagues without being interrupted by students. They told me what they really thought of my performance which is that I had been so helpful to them and that I will be great in this field. I told them about some of my concerns about my performance and they said those things were not problems at all. They were able to tell me about positive changes they had seen in the students since I had arrived. After this I even felt like they trusted me more and we all had a better understanding of our working relationship. I think I can believe their positive feedback now 🙂

 
 
 
 
 
StormySeas17
StormySeas17Posted 27-11-2021 02:38 PM

Hey @lemurien that's so amazing! I can tell that your outlook has really changed from when you first started your placement. It sounds like you've been able to adapt your own behaviour to make yourself feel comfortable, but also asking for feedback is something that can take a lot of courage. And knowing that you've made a difference is always so worthwhile! I'm so glad to hear it's been rewarding. Do you have any plans to celebrate the end of your placement?

 
 
 
 
 
lemurien
lemurienPosted 28-11-2021 09:52 PM

hey thanks so much for supporting and chatting with me through my journey @StormySeas17 !! I keep trying to stretch placement out actually bc I feel sad leaving the kids when the term isn't even over yet 😅 like I've only got about 15 hours left and I keep being like "oh well I'll just go in one day this week so that I can finish at the end of term" haha. I've been told I could keep coming in as a volunteer but since I do still feel stressed by the role I think it would be hard to get myself to come in once it's not required anymore. Anyway I really want to bake something nice and bring it in as a thank you! And I want to chat with the parents of some of the students I've worked with closely to just say thank you and tell them how amazing their child is.

 
 
 
 
 
StormySeas17
StormySeas17Posted 04-12-2021 01:30 PM

@lemurien that's so awesome that your placement has won you over! I think stretching out your placement is a nice idea so you can experience more of the school term- just make sure you don't run out of hours 😆  I think that coming back as a volunteer is such a nice idea but probably not worth it I agree, it's stressful and you want to remember it as a positive experience 😊 that sounds so nice that you want to say thank you and talk to the parents! Do you think there's a way that you could do that? Maybe you could make cards for everyone?

 
 
 
 
 
Portia_RO
Portia_ROPosted 29-11-2021 12:28 PM

That's really lovely @lemurien, I'm sure that the parents of the students you've been working with would be really touched to hear what you have to say about their kids. What are you thinking of baking for the class? 

 

I think it's completely fair that you might not want to come in and volunteer after placement - it does sound like a lot of extra stress to be taking on for free in your own time. What's next for you after you finish placement? 

 
 
 
 
 
Taylor-RO
Taylor-ROPosted 14-11-2021 09:37 PM

Hey @lemurien, thanks for sharing. So glad to hear that you are almost 3/4 of the way through your placement Smiley Happy That sounds like such a lovely experience you have had with your supervsior and colleagues. That feedback can go such a long way and it is great that it has led to further trust and understanding. It is always nice to have a safe space to share your concerns, especially while you are learning, so good on you for opening up and being vulnerable. 

 
 
 
 
 
lemurien
lemurienPosted 14-11-2021 10:14 PM

Thanks @Taylor-RO🙂 it was definitely tough because I was worried they would think less of me or they would tell me something I didn't want to hear. I suppose I was expecting the punitive kind of attitude I encountered from my supervisors in retail; they give you the feeling a monkey could do your job and if you can't do it right they might as well fire you! I have learned such a valuable lesson about being frank about your difficulties instead of trying to shoulder them all yourself. 

 
 
 
 
TOM-RO
TOM-ROPosted 09-10-2021 10:53 PM

Hi @lemurien! So happy to hear about the reassurance you got from your student about reading. Regarding the advice around being busy - I would imagine the sentiment behind it is more important. That is to say, showing a desire to do your job well and caring and being proactive about duties is always looked kindly upon. If we try too hard to "look busy" then it might come accross as inauthentic or pretentious. So i would imagine that a humble yet proactive approach would be a good way to balance it out! Ultimately, you will be the judge of it, and by the way youre talking about your work, it sounds like you do really care - so I have no doubt that this will show! 🙂 

 
 
 
 
 
lemurien
lemurienPosted 10-10-2021 01:35 PM

That makes sense. Sometimes I find myself hesitating and standing around for a minute, feeling uncertain, looking around desperately trying to figure out something to do because otherwise I feel like it means I am lazy and incompetent. But I know my supervisors have seen me make an effort and they have only said nice things to me so far, so surely it's forgiveable if I'm a bit lost sometimes?

 
 
Courtney-RO
Courtney-ROPosted 07-10-2021 11:23 PM

Hi @lemurien What great news about your placement! I can definitely understand you feeling exhausted though, I think that is normal especially after lockdown and being out of your comfort zone. It's definitely easy to doubt yourself when you first start, but don't forget that everyone you see has had to start somewhere. Placement is there to teach you and help you improve so I think you are doing a really good job so far! 

Let us know how you go, we would love to hear more 💜

 
 
 
lemurien
lemurienPosted 09-10-2021 10:32 PM

Thank you @Courtney-RO it means a lot being supported by everyone here!! 

I know everyone has to start somewhere, but I always catch myself thinking that the people I see were probably already better than me when they started. Well, there's no way to prove or disprove a statement like that. So maybe the question is - so what? Assuming everyone was better than me when they started, wouldn't that just make me extra brave and strong for trying to improve? Haha 🙂 I do miss uni though - we were all in the same boat back then and it was easy to chat to the people around you to connect over your struggles like placements or assignments. It is hard to sort of go through this alone and not be able to hear how other people's placements are going. Everyone around me is professionals and I admire them so much and want to be like them!

A worry I have is that feeling of dread and "I don't wanna go" has set in and I really hate it 😞 I know it's not uncommon but I really don't want to live that way. It is painful to dread things all the time.

 

In my ideal world, I would just face everything with a laugh and a light heart. If i'm not good at this job or it's not for me in the end, that's okay, life is about exploration! But instead of believing that, I'm just really uptight about things and always worry and get upset, arrrgh!

 
BerdNurd
BerdNurdPosted 26-08-2021 10:43 AM

Hi Lemurien,

I have worked since I war 14 and have had a range of weird jobs from different areas or fields: retail, hospo, tech and IT, education and more.

 

My best advice, based on how you might be feeling, is to look into a call centre job! I worked for Petbarn and their call centre for half a year, they pay is brilliant, the job is quite monotonous and generally low-pressure, its a stable and awesome job if you have anxiety because rarely do processes change. They are really fantastic (plus the pay is generally above minimum wage).

I would suggest contacting a recruiter or recruitment company, they usually work with these call centres to place people in temp work jobs or contracted gigs 🙂 

 

Best of luck!

 
 
lemurien
lemurienPosted 31-08-2021 12:17 AM

hi @BerdNurd 😊 that's amazing that you have experienced so many different fields. I thought that people who have worked a lot would think I was so silly and making a big deal out of nothing, so I am really grateful for your reply trying to help me and that you haven't judged me. it sounds like you had a really positive experience at that job which is also encouraging for me to hear, because I'm always hearing people complain about their jobs so it's nice to hear they aren't all bad. I have actually seen heaps of call centre jobs going on indeed etc, the thing is I always avoided them like the plague because I am really scared of talking on the phone!! I even get nervous talking to friends and family on the phone. But, if it's generally low pressure and follows certain procedures, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. I could end up becoming more confident. I will definitely have a think about it.

 
StormySeas17
StormySeas17Posted 21-08-2021 09:57 AM

Hi @lemurien

I definitely wouldn't say that you're a failure if that's how you're feeling! I feel very much the same way in my degree. I can't shake the feeling that I just won't be able to do some of the jobs I want to do because I'm not experienced, I'm too nervous etc. and it's such a killer feeling. I do want to say that I'm super proud of the fact you keep trying to make it work even though it's hard! But I also agree that trying to force this hasn't been working to improve your anxiety.

 

Did you say that most of your jobs have been in retail? I wonder if part of your anxiety is that these jobs are highly stressful and public facing and don't have much to do with your true skills which you've been building through uni and tafe. Personally I never wanted to work in retail because I knew how stressful it is for my sensitive self 😅 Do you think that could make sense for your situation based on what you've been studying? Is it any different to what your placement might be?

 

Do you also think that the difference between being paid and expected to know everything could be different to placement where you're there to learn skills and make mistakes?

 
 
lemurien
lemurienPosted 21-08-2021 05:55 PM

Hi StormySeas! It's so nice to chat to you. It is hard having big ambitions but being so afraid that you just aren't up to the task. I think you said once that you study psych? I think the jobs in psych would be so rewarding but so intimidating, I can see why you'd be nervous too. 

 

I've had two retail jobs, a tutoring job and a different placement as an assistant ESL teacher at my uni. They were different kinds of scary... the education ones because I was so afraid of letting my students down, of not being able to answer a question or help them, of saying the wrong thing, of panicking and being unable to speak, and in general, interacting with people is really hard for me. I go into overdrive trying to be friendly, speak too fast and trip over my words, but a lot of people don't even notice and think I'm just naturally outgoing!! Which I guess means I have good acting skills 😛 but I'm on edge the whole time and the charade just sucks the life out of me. 

 

My placement will be as a teacher's aide in primary school to help kids who are struggling or who have a disability. It's funny, I chose it because I think kids are adorable and working with them would be really uplifting... but I've never had much to do with kids so I don't know how to deal with them, and they're so unpredictable. I can see myself just freezing up because I don't know what to say to them. Or panicking so much that all my knowledge runs out of my head and suddenly I don't know how to solve year 3 maths equations!! I hate how silly it looks when I write it down, because the fear is so real 😞

 
 
 
StormySeas17
StormySeas17Posted 23-08-2021 03:28 PM

@lemurien yeah law and psych for me! I can't work in psych yet because I'm not qualified so I've been looking at law internships etc. that aren't explicitly paralegal roles because that's not what I want to do. It's hard! I had to take a break this semester before I start psych honours since I have no units and I finally have the energy to look at some things to do but it's still scary 😶

 

I see! It sounds like you have a bit of social anxiety around letting people down? I agree that it sucks to feel bad even if you're doing your job well. It sounds like you're stuck in a hard place with this placement. I remember for a friend who started a job as a barista I told her to make flash cards of all of the recipes she had to learn and to read them while she was on the bus to work. She has social anxiety too and found that feeling mentally prepared helped a lot. I wonder if for some of the more procedural or knowledge-based stuff you could do that? The only other thing I can think of is seeing if you can do some sort of research or work behind the scenes?

 
 
 
 
lemurien
lemurienPosted 31-08-2021 12:07 AM

oh, I'm so impressed that you do both law and psych! I hope you find the kind of internship you're looking for. 

 

I like your ideas about trying to get prepared knowledge-wise. it kind of is the only thing you can really do to feel better before you jump into a new role. My mum works with kids and I've been asking her to tell me all about the conversations she has with them so I can try to learn how best to talk to them. in theory, I was supposed to start figuring out my placement after finishing (only!!) 3 units of the cert IV. But with lockdown postponing placements for god knows how long I'm trying to finish as many units as I can haha, I want to know everything before I go.

 

it's really hard to contemplate letting anyone down... I still think about a couple of complaints I received back when I was a tutor. I even think back guiltily to some of the kids who really liked me and whose parents sent me kind emails, thinking stuff like 'I let them down when I left the company' and 'I didn't deserve that praise, I should have done more for them' and 'I feel bad for the kids who had to get tutored by someone like me' ... 

 
 
 
 
 
StormySeas17
StormySeas17Posted 31-08-2021 01:58 PM

@lemurien thanks! And wow I relate so much to the tutoring thing. I've been doing tutoring too and I always feel so bad when I have students who don't do well. I'm like... you're paying me to not do as well as I think I could help you do 😥 is it my fault? I am slowly learning that a lot of times the answer is no, I'm not here to improve their entire lives! I've also learned over time that kids are great in the way that they can really tell if you're trying to do your best with them. Parents... yeah, they scare me 😂 but also you need to figure out where the parents are coming from too. A lot of the times they just want to see their kids studying the way they expect them to! I'm also in the scary bit about trying to cut back my hours after this HSC passes and I don't want to let down my work eek. So any tips on 'escaping' that area I would love to hear haha! 

 

Oh wow it sounds like you've been a little lucky with the placements being postponed! I'm happy to hear you're taking the time to prepare yourself both mentally and emotionally. I'm also wondering if maybe you could find a way to make yourself remember the positives and successes in your work more than the negatives? I know it's so hard but I constantly have to try and celebrate any achievements I make in work or study, even if it's having a student who seemingly enjoyed their lesson. How do you feel about maybe writing down things that went well everyday, like gratitude? I used to hate gratitude but I tried it for 30 days and I can't believe it worked 😆

 
 
 
 
 
lemurien
lemurienPosted 01-09-2021 06:38 PM

omg I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels a lot of pressure when tutoring! I totally agree, my kids were great and always seemed to appreciate that I was doing the best I could to help them. Tutoring would actually be such a beautiful job if there were no bosses or parents to report to hahaha, the students are the most reasonable out of the bunch. 

 

I like your idea, maybe not necessarily a gratitude journal but like a... celebration journal for celebrating the small wins 🙂 when it's about work/study, it's so easy to get discouraged, I think we are trained to notice the negatives the most so that we are always trying to improve our performance, but if you have an anxious personality, that actually makes your performance worse, because you are so stressed and self conscious.

 
 
 
 
 
StormySeas17
StormySeas17Posted 09-09-2021 12:31 PM

Yeah exactly! It's one of the reasons I want to go into adolescent instead of child psychology, less parent interactions 😆 that and I like working with teens. I definitely prefer working with an organisation though because they've always had my back.

 

I'm glad you think it could be a good idea! It's also a great excuse to get a nice notebook. We definitely are trained to notice the negatives in the work environment. Have you heard that rule that it takes 5 good things to happen/consider before you can get over one bad thing? It's so hard to retrain your brain but I do feel like it gets you into a pattern of thinking positively more easily. How are things going at the moment with your work preparation?

 
 
 
 
 
lemurien
lemurienPosted 12-09-2021 09:28 PM

hi StormySeas, you are really kind to check in on my work prep 💛 it is looking like there's a possibility schools might start back in-person at some point next term so I actually sent out an email and my resume to two schools last week! I was so nervous I was going to write the wrong school name/principal name in my emails or some other mess-up and embarrass myself. Or that I will be bothering them and they'll reject me. But hey, there are heaps of positives too, like I thought my resume looked quite nice, and one of my uni tutors was really enthusiastic when I asked him to be one of my references 🙂 I didn't know that 5:1 rule; I've always tried to 'replace' one negative thought with a positive version and it doesn't work too well. It seems like it would work better to acknwoledge the bad thing but try to counter it with as many good things as you can think of.

 
 
 
 
 
StormySeas17
StormySeas17Posted 16-09-2021 07:33 PM

Haha you're welcome! But then I got the very distinct visual of this meme from Star Wars in my head 😂

4unr4bgaw0341

This meme has apparently eaten my first attempt to reply to you so I hope you like it omg

That's so awesome that you're starting the search! That's a huge step to when you first started this post worried about working at all I think. It's super useful when you have a great resume that you can rely on too. And I'm going to steal that idea of having a uni tutor as a referee for next year 😁 I think it will get easier as you go along and you'll start to notice how you can come across as more confident in your replies. And as my dad says, you only need one job, and if you don't get the one you wanted it may not have been the right time (or place/work culture) for you! Is there a certain school or type of school that you'd be really excited to work at?

I can't remember where I heard the 5:1 rule! Our brains are much more attuned to picking up more 'useful' negative details because they might threaten our survival so you need to put in the effort to be conscious of the positives. So if you say, get a bad mark, you need to make five positive things happen before you'll feel okay about it. I also do do a thing that's kind of like, try to think of three good things about an issue for every bad thought I have? I can't even remember but my old psych told me to do it 😅 but yeah it's not a 1-1 sadly! 

 
 
 
 
 
lemurien
lemurienPosted 17-09-2021 02:45 PM

bahahahahaha the meme was worth it, it really made me laugh 😄 Thanks so much for watching my career with interest!!! I do feel a lot more positive about it all! Honestly when you're struggling with something that (you assume) a lot of people find easy it really makes you feel bad about yourself and like you have to pretend you can do it too? So I'm glad I made this thread and had a vent and got everyone's support 🙂 

I was actually really hoping to get a bilingual school because there are a few around here and languages are my 'thing', but I've ended up going with a regular school down the road from me. It seems so welcoming there and I got good vibes from them!! I was really indecisive about it though and felt disappointed to have missed out on the bilingual schools but your dad is totally right - it's a simple piece of wisdom but somehow really helps so thanks!

 

That makes sense! it reminds me of how I'm always trying to thank my anxiety for trying to keep me alive. I even gave it a name lol. I try to say, thank you for trying to save me from the threats you're seeing. 

 
 
 
 
 
StormySeas17
StormySeas17Posted 25-09-2021 11:50 AM

Haha no worries! I'm super happy that you're getting so much attention. I definitely don't think you're the only one who struggles- I certainly do! I've had to reflect a lot recently on my friends who have jumped into work much faster than I have but then faced a whole heap of struggles with being underappreciated or mistreated. It shows that even the 'ideal' isn't always perfect!

 

That's awesome that you've decided on a school! I think a welcoming school that gives you an optimistic outlook is a great start. You can always go back and work at a bilingual school once you feel more confident! 

 

Ahhh so like, thanking the voice in your head? I do think it really helps to be able to label it, like calling it 'anxiety brain'. It doesn't make the feeling go away though sometimes! But at least I know I'm crazy 😆

 
 
 
 
 
lemurien
lemurienPosted 25-09-2021 11:55 PM

hey so true! When I was in high school I actually had a 'friend' who would criticise me and be like "you should have a job, you're lazy, no one will ever want to hire you if you don't get work experience" etc but his job made him so miserable... he might have just wanted me to suffer too lol. And I have a friend who has jumped HEADFIRST into all the law work experience stuff and has multiple jobs (i'm sure you know people like this) and I compare myself to her so much and think I should be like her, but she's always so stressed... like do I want to live that way?

 

Yeah I thank the anxiety voice!! I had this really cool psychologist once and we made up a whole character, I imagine him as a grumpy, over-protective, strict and nagging grandpa who is always pointing out threats and negatives because he worries about me 😂 his name is Greg. and yes I know I'm crazy too bahahaha

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