Hey @Lost_Space_Explorer5, sorry, I seem a bit late to this thread, and I haven't seen parts 1 and 2, but I hope you're doing ok. I think I relate to a lot of what you're going through because a lot of the time the world feels like too much, and you're not sure what to do next - therefore self-doubt rears its ugly head and starts to feed you with information you don't need. That's how I feel at least, I'm not 100% if you agree hahaha.
It's hard to remember at times... but there are people who need you, and who want to spend more time with you. I, myself have experienced losing someone to suicide, and it is a very very sad experience. It's what's kept me from going down that path. What I try to do, is remember the good times I've had in my life and think about how I could have more of those in the future. But, if I can't allow myself to have that belief, I try to completely immerse myself in a distraction, whether that be a video game, music, Youtube, etc, to completely forget about it (it seems like you've been doing that already, from what I've read).
Sometimes, if I'm feeling up to it, I try to reach out to someone, but that also has its issues, such as feeling too needy. However, I'm sure your friends/family understand, and if they don't, I'm sure this community has your back at least.
Anyway, I'm not sure if this will help, or if someone has said all this stuff already, but I just wanted to put in my 2 cents I guess. Hope you have a good day!
