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I know what you mean, I feel the same way sometimes, when it's too much. Sorry to hear about your cousin too, the grief of losing someone you could've met is awful. I'm assuming you're getting professional help from psychologists, that's helped me a lot, as well as calling helpline services when it gets too much for some quick advice. But of course, this community is lovely too. Hang in there @Lost_Space_Explorer5, I'll try my best too hahaha ❤️