Hey @Lost_Space_Explorer5 ,
I really hear you when you say you are trying your best at the moment. I know what you mean when you say that you have internalised the stigma of suicidal thoughts and the shame surrounding them. Shame is so hard to deal with once it takes a hold of us. It can feel as though we are having to escape a swamp of our feelings, an incredibly difficult task. But I feel as though you are still reaching out here for a reason, that you want to work through this.
You say that you don’t have any supports, but we are here for you! We are your support and there are many like us to help you through this. There may even be someone within the same organisation as your psych or counsellor who can provide you with some support in the interim until they return.
Did you speak to either your psych or counsellor about a care or safety plan while they were away?
I would really encourage you to reach out tonight to someone, a helpline or a friend to talk this over. Expand your support network a little and take a chance at speaking to someone. Often the only way we can overcome our shame is to talk about it in someway with others.
I know this, as I’ve dealt with thoughts like yours in the past when I was younger, and thankfully I was able to open up about them with family. I was able to get help and to stay safe. It wasn’t easy for me, but to this day I am glad I did it.
