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@lemurien I'm sorry to hear these questions are bothering you so much. Something that has really helped me with existentialism and understanding my place in the world is looking at philosophical schools of thought and doing my own research on what people wiser than me figured out a long time ago to help me frame my own way of life. I personally prescribe to Stoicism as a school of thought and it has answers with regard to what the purpose of a human life is and the concept of 'eudaimonia' as overall happiness. These may not be answers you like, but there are other schools of thought you could look into, like Epicurianism, Confucianism, etc which I know have suited my friends more than me. I ended up studying the philosophies associated with happiness, goodness and justice in university and it changed my way of thinking about a lot of issues, but it's very easy to google these issues too. I hope that might give you somewhere to start your search 🙂 Here's a link to stoic philosophy if you're interested: here