originally posted on 30-06-2021 9:07 PM

What are some ways of getting past the feeling of hiding something from someone you don't know if you trust yet without coming out to them? 

I wholeheartedly agree with Bre here (haha that rhymed), couldn't really say it better. Like trust is something to be earned and it's not really hiding something like idk how to describe it. Like with relationships you show little pieces of yourself over time that's just how it works. Like we don't have to give people our entire history, resume, etc when we meet them? Sorry if this sounds like patronising ugh I don't mean to be. I get what you're saying- I feel like this too with a lot of things. But like privacy is your right and you're not being fake if you don't tell people everything about you?

originally posted on 30-06-2021 9:05 PM

What are some ways of getting past the feeling of hiding something from someone you don't know if you trust yet without coming out to them? 

Oh boy, do I know this. I remember sitting on my bed with my ex feeling completely consumed by the anxiety of not being out to my mum. I could barely talk or eat without feeling extremely guilty, and my ex didn't understand at all because she was already out to her parents and thought it was easy. So just know that it's not easy for everyone!!

Really, if they know you very well, a common thing you'll here is that they've always known, anyway. So it might help to consider the possibility that they already know, and continue to just live life? I don't know, honestly!

originally posted on 01-07-2021 9:38 AM

Hey @Hozzles, that sounds like a really difficult experience to work through, I'm sorry you've had to go through that. I can definitely relate - I remember feeling very overwhelmed that I hadn't come out to my sister, and I could barely talk or focus on anything she said to me until one night I just blurted everything out. 

You're absolutely right, it's not an easy process. The best I can figure is that the people who love and support you often don't mind how long it takes for you to come out to them. Coming to terms with your sexuality and getting comfortable in your own skin is a very personal journey, so if you need more time to work out if you trust someone when it comes to your sexuality, then that's completely okay. You don't owe anyone an explanation of who you are, and inviting them into your story is a gift rather than an expectation, so there's absolutely no rush. 

originally posted on 30-06-2021 9:00 PM

I have come out and now I think my identity has changed. How do I deal with this? 

It's perfectly okay to change your identity. Understanding yourself is a lifelong process and you know you best so if others judge you for not being sure about something that's really not fair

originally posted on 30-06-2021 9:01 PM

"Understanding yourself is a lifelong process" 

Absolute gold!! 

originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:58 PM

originally posted on 30-06-2021 9:02 PM

100% agree that most LGBTIQA+ people have identified as something else. It's almost a rite of passage 😅

originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:28 PM

Okay let's get into the next question! 

This is another one that was asked a few times. 

How to cope when someones reaction is negative or not what you hoped for? 

originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:34 PM

How to cope when someones reaction is negative or not what you hoped for? 

I guess as much as possible don't take it personally because it reflects on them? And you don't need that negativity in your life?? Aha that's way too simplified sorry. If it's like someone whose opinion about you really matters perhaps getting some support to talk about what happened and trying to tell the person who reacted negatively how you felt if it's safe to do so? Idk

originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:42 PM

*TW?*

Guyss I have such low self esteem I don't think anyone will ever love me regardless of my sexuality 😭 How in the heck did you find your people and how does one even get into a relationship? 😂

Please don't say it requires 'putting yourself out there' 😂

Have you guys seen that tik tok where it's like 'how far would you drive for the girl of your dreams'? 'what about nebraska' 'ohhh F*** NO!'- Ahh I'll have to link an example if you haven't seen it

originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:48 PM

Don't worry I completely understand you! My ex lived in the US and even still, I tend to have dreams of meeting someone overseas lol (escapist fantasies? Not wanting to face the reality of a relationship? Thinking no one will like me if they spent time with me in person? Probably! 😂). After a terrible date last month I deleted all my dating apps again and trying not to think about it too hard, haha. 

Maybe start with joining a uni club or social club or something? Honestly, I had no friends the entire time I went through uni until I joined a queer group chat! 

originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:46 PM

Aww you know what I actually don't think it's about putting yourself out there (it is for some i guess) but i'm a strong believer in things happening when you least expect them. You never know who is around the corner and who you might connect with. 

originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:49 PM

Aww that is so sweet @Bre-RO but I mean there is a point where you do have to leave your house right? 😅 Unless like the person you meet is a robber or like idk emergency services coming into your house 😆

originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:54 PM

Completely agreed @Bre-RO! Things tend to come when you stop looking! ❤️

Hahah that's the beauty of the internet @Lost_Space_Explorer5 !  

originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:57 PM

ahh but what about catfishers! @Hozzles 

originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:33 PM

How to cope when someones reaction is negative or not what you hoped for? 

I'm glad this question came up! I was thinking of it earlier.
With the negative reaction, I'd suggest the same as before! Reach out to support networks, make sure you're safe, recognise this is not an indication of your worth and that there will be people who support you.

But 'not what you hoped for' -- VERY valid! A lot of people, especially now, can say things like 'what's the big deal, who cares?'. This sounds great on the surface, but it isn't recognising the HUGE amount of anxiety and energy put into coming out! 😫

originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:40 PM

I was glad it came up too. There are a range of responses that can make you feel like shit when you've come out. 

I think a big theme coming out of this chat is the important of having friends, support and communities that validate you. 

originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:38 PM

That's so true about a reaction not being what you hoped for! I feel like a good reaction is one that matches the energy of the person who just came out.

originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:44 PM

Ooh I love that @Rattata! That's so wise! Like in any conversation like the conversation seems to flow better if both people mimic the tone and energy of each other?  

originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:43 PM

Love this!! 

originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:41 PM

Ooo good point! I really like the idea of matching the persons energy.

originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:21 PM

How can you gauge whether someone is safe to come out to or not? 

It can be pretty tricky sometimes, especially when it's someone you really want to come out to. Sometimes even just someone's demeanor can make a big difference in how comfortable you feel to come out to them. It's a lot harder when they are someone more on the fence about certain issues and who you haven't been around to hear their thoughts.

originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:30 PM

So true. It can make you feel so vulnerable to open up to someone in this way, so even the most subtle things like tone, expression can have an impact. Choosing people who are really outwardly supportive and accepting makes a difference!

originally posted on 30-06-2021 8:12 PM