[SPECIAL GUEST] Supporting Survivors (trigger warning: sexual assault)
In January we discussed the topic of consent, what it is, what it looks like and how to get it. This month, in accordance with Sexual Assault Awareness month, we’ll be talking about what it’s like when consent doesn’t enter the picture.
Everyone who is sexually assaulted will experience it differently, but there are some feelings that are unfortunately far too common. Many experience feelings of guilt and shame, largely because of a culture of victim blaming in our society, which may prevent them from seeking out support from their friends, family or from health professionals.
The aim of this Infobus session is to give survivors a safe space to discuss their own personal experiences, the feelings that came after and what happens next. We also want to give people who haven’t experienced sexual assault an opportunity to learn more about how to support survivors.
To help us do this, Karin and Jenny, counsellors from the Sexual Assault Resource Centre (SARC) in Perth, an organisation that provides support to survivors of sexual assault, and Sex Assault Squad (SAS) detectives of the Western Australian Police will be with us on the night. They will also be helping us to find out what options there are in getting help after sexual assault.
No matter what the circumstances were around your assault, I want to stress that we believe you, what you’re feeling is valid and you deserve to have support.
Join us on Thursday the 21st April, 9pm AEST as we come together to talk about the experience of being a survivor, how to go about seeking support and and how family and friends can best support survivors of sexual assault.
If this post has been in any way triggering for you, I really encourage you to contact 1800 RESPECT. A full list of sexual assault related support services can be found here.
@Rsg Hi, ah that sounds like you are having a hard time over this. It is something it sounds like you need to bring up with your psych that you felt like "an idiot". The psych maybe doesn't know that this is how you feel. Itis not something we can "read" always. Psychs are human too 🙂 By the way, you aren't ...and I would never think that of somebody who has disclosed such a difficult thing.
Its really hard to answer that question, but in the processing of trauma there are lots of different types of therapies. Sometimes just talking it through and getting a response that is understanding and helping you to have some insight about it can be enough, but if you are suffering something called post traumatic stress you may need a bit more of a differnet type of therapy. At the moment I am doing some EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing with my clients which is working a treat for many people who have PTSD. Some times it is finding the right therapist for you who works best for you. Beleive me it can get better and there is treatment that can work, so don't give up hope. 🙂
@Rsg Ask your psychologist for exercises to use when you are triggered. It takes time to process trauma and implement ways to manage and cope with its effects.
We've talked about what we can do as survivors to talk about sexual assault, now let's talk about what the people around us can do
Getting support from family and friends is such an important part of the healing process, but sometimes they don’t know what to say/how to be that support in the face of an issue like sexual assault. What’s one piece of advice that you could give them to be better at supporting survivors?
@Chessca_H Just asking people to listen is so important. They don't have to "fix it" or advise you, in fact it is best if they don't. It is past and done, there is nothing they can do to change that, but they can accept you are still you, and you haven't changed.Listening in a on-judgemental way is very healiing. Ask them to be patient and to ask what you need, not assume they know. One of the best things to do is to try to encourage people to get on with their usual life but at the same time to allow the person time to heal and permission to feel what they feel. Being in a space where the person can have a cry and not be shamed by that.
Getting support from family and friends is such an important part of the healing process, but sometimes they don’t know what to say/how to be that support in the face of an issue like sexual assault. What’s one piece of advice that you could give them to be better at supporting survivors?
Don't retort negatively. The last thing that someone needs is for their family and friends to label, blame, and/or not believe them. Another thing to also consider is to not always having to think of a solution straight away and impose that onto them. The person you care about may still be trying to process what's happened to them. They don't need other people who are trying to find a 'quick fix' without truly understanding the situation themselves.
I like your point about "fixing" I think some people want to show they care about someone by helping them to find the solution to the problem or a way of working through the experience. I think it's much more important to aks about what support you can offer, spend lots of time listening and not judging. I think sometimes the best thing you can do is just be there and listen.
What do you reckon @sarcperth @sasperth?
@Ben-RO Yes Ben that is it ! Asking the person, not telling them, and being there big time 🙂
Some really great advice for loved ones! Now let's get onto a bit of a broader question
Unfortunately, society doesn’t do a very good job at supporting survivors most of the time. What do you think needs to be different about society’s attitude towards survivors to change that?
Society often tends to blame women for sexual assault and to a certain extent the victim (also if the person is a male). I believe these attitudes are changing over time. With education and women's roles changing and other sexual preferences being accepted things will change more. We have to keep on educating, keep up the discussions in a good way, from the heart, not from anger. It is my impression that this sort of education works better.
I think we need as a society, to understand that everyone is different and we need to work on respect for each other.
The edcuation needs to start as young as possible, especially good male role models are absolutely essential and then we will see a shift.
Unfortunately, society doesn’t do a very good job at supporting survivors most of the time. What do you think needs to be different about society’s attitude towards survivors to change that?
Better sex education and addressing gender stereotypes and misconceptions. There's a whole web of lies out there about how and why some experience sexual assault. Overall, society is a lot better reprimanding a survivor and less focused on the perpetrator than anything else. It's slowly changing but it's simply not good enough.
That's the end of tonight's session, you all did really well talking about such a difficult topic 🙂
We have one last question that @sarcperth will be giving some answers for:
Who can you talk to about your experiences if you need more support?
Who can you talk to about your experiences if you need more support?
There's plenty of people out there if you need support! Like your counsellor or psychologist, DV Connect, 1800 RESPECT, and Relationships Australia. Remember that there's always people out there to help!
Thank you so much everyone for coming and sharing so much and giving heaps of support tonight. And an extra big thanks to @sasperth @sarcperth @Myvo @stonepixie for helping out in the conversation.
and an even bigger thanks to @Chessca_H for organising this Infobus. LEGEND!!!!
If you want to keep talking about this, feel free to make a post in the ToughTimes or Wellbeing section of the forums. We will respond and keep the conversation going and respond over the next few days!
Goodnight all!
If you need advice on how to proceed with a complaint of sexual assualt contact specialist sex assault investigators in your home state, all capitals will have specialist sex assault investigation teams, in regional centres they may be the local detectives. You can also seek advice from police and there is no obligation to proceed with a complaint if you dont want to.
@Chessca_H@Rsg@Ben-RO@Mel93@Stingray1 thanks everyone for having me tonight, hope we could help out and dont be afraid to take the step and report 🙂
If you need more support around the emotional side call a help line like 1800 RESPECT, Lifeline, Kids Help Line or your local sexual assault service in your state, like SARC (Sexual Assault Resource Centre) in Perth and see the link ...
http://au.reachout.com/sexual-assault-support
@Chessca_H @Rsg @Ben-RO @Mel93 @Stingray1
Cheerio everyone, Thanks so much. Look after yourselves, stay safe. Karin and Jenny
Thanks so much to everyone who participated tonight, this was a really great session!
Just want to remind everyone that a list of sexual assault support services can be found here and you can get in contact with 1800 RESPECT to get support over the phone. Please remeber to take care of yourselves 🙂
@Myvo There are definitely so many misconceptions and myths around sexual assault. Victim blaming is a huge problem and it needs to be addressed at a societal level
Getting support from family and friends is such an important part of the healing process, but sometimes they don’t know what to say/how to be that support in the face of an issue like sexual assault. What’s one piece of advice that you could give them to be better at supporting survivors?
Just remember that you don't need to have all the answers and that you just being there is the best thing you can do for them. Don't force them to talk about it if they aren't ready. Never blame them for what has happened.
Getting support from family and friends is such an important part of the healing process, but sometimes they don’t know what to say/how to be that support in the face of an issue like sexual assault. What’s one piece of advice that you could give them to be better at supporting survivors?
- believe them
- Don't victim blame (e.g. ask what they were wearing, whether they were drinking)
- don't push them to talk about details
- Don't tell them to get over it or think that they should be over it in a certain period of time
More than one, but I could probably keep going for a while 😛
