[SPECIAL GUEST] Supporting Survivors (trigger warning: sexual assault)
In January we discussed the topic of consent, what it is, what it looks like and how to get it. This month, in accordance with Sexual Assault Awareness month, we’ll be talking about what it’s like when consent doesn’t enter the picture.
Everyone who is sexually assaulted will experience it differently, but there are some feelings that are unfortunately far too common. Many experience feelings of guilt and shame, largely because of a culture of victim blaming in our society, which may prevent them from seeking out support from their friends, family or from health professionals.
The aim of this Infobus session is to give survivors a safe space to discuss their own personal experiences, the feelings that came after and what happens next. We also want to give people who haven’t experienced sexual assault an opportunity to learn more about how to support survivors.
To help us do this, Karin and Jenny, counsellors from the Sexual Assault Resource Centre (SARC) in Perth, an organisation that provides support to survivors of sexual assault, and Sex Assault Squad (SAS) detectives of the Western Australian Police will be with us on the night. They will also be helping us to find out what options there are in getting help after sexual assault.
No matter what the circumstances were around your assault, I want to stress that we believe you, what you’re feeling is valid and you deserve to have support.
Join us on Thursday the 21st April, 9pm AEST as we come together to talk about the experience of being a survivor, how to go about seeking support and and how family and friends can best support survivors of sexual assault.
If this post has been in any way triggering for you, I really encourage you to contact 1800 RESPECT. A full list of sexual assault related support services can be found here.
@Rsg these things can take time to surface, so taking a few months to come to terms with it is completely normal. Opening up about it can also take time and doesn't always feel good, but once it's out in the open you can start working on ways to cope with it and come to terms with it. @sarcperth could give you more details about what exactly you can do, but just remember it takes time so be patient with yourself
@Stingray1 I know and they tend to come back and surpirse you at times you least expect it, I wish I could give the right advice on how to get through it, all I can say is that after 35 years of policing and all the memories that come with that all I can say is that you have to find a way through it that works best for you. I try to get used to the dreams when they come, sometimes it helps 🙂
Thank you. Appreciate that. That is one way to look at the dreams, as the can't hurt me, the are just dreams but sometimes those dreams you don't want. I think you are all amazing doing the jobs you do and finding ways to cope which I am sure is hard for youse,vets at time. So thank you for being there for us as well as yourselves.
@Stingray1 Same here. It can be really hard to ignore or differentiate what's real and what's not. Having that self-control is important 🙂
Hello everyone!
Glad to be here tonight 🙂
This topic can be a pretty tough one to explore, so before we start talking about it, I want to know, what are some things you can do to look after yourself if you’re feeling stressed out or triggered?
I'd say take a step back. It can be a super simple thing to do but also one of the hardest as well. After that, it's up to you. Listen to music, talk to someone in person or over the phone, or go for a walk As long as you're looking after yourself.
Hey @Myvo!
Definitely agree about taking a step back, sometimes you need to even when it's something you really want to be able to talk about. You're self care ideas are pretty great 🙂
Maybe just taking a break, leave the chat for a bit, having a glass of water and take a few deep breaths
Hi @j95 You have made some really good suggestions here - having a glass of water is particularly helpful if you are feeling stressed or triggered as it tricks the brain into concentrating on one activity and not on the anxiety - great work!
Now that we've talked about some things to do if this session gets a bit much, let's move a bit more into tonight's topic
We often use the word survivor to talk about our experiences, why is that? What are some other ways of talking about sexual assault that support survivors?
We often use the word survivor to talk about our experiences, why is that? What are some other ways of talking about sexual assault that support survivors?
I've always used the word 'survivor' because it focuses on the strengths of the person, rather than the negative thing that happened to them. We talk about our experiences so as others know that they are not alone, it is not their fault. It removes the stigma and the slut shaming that often accompanies being a survivor.
If we use the word victim instead of survivor, victim is a word that is a bit loaded as in someone who does not ever recover. We know that is not true, because humans are amazing beings who do recover!
Also I think it is best to be objective as you can about the experience (e.g. naming it for what it is as in sexual assault rather than other more scary words).
We often use the word survivor to talk about our experiences, why is that? What are some other ways of talking about sexual assault that support survivors?
I think the word survivor is an empowering word, it lets people know there's hope. I think it's important to talk to people in a way that is supportive, non judgemental and most importantly driven by where the person is at, if a person has chosen to talk to you about this I reckon it's important to ask them what is okay and what is not okay!
I have a question for you:
Will a person get in trouble if they report a sexual assault to the police and have been using drugs?
@Ben-ROThats a good question, we want people to report sex assaults, but this is a reason why many do not. The short answer is no, but it is important that we are told everything in the lead up to and after the incident because we are able to prepare the persons evidence and take everything into consideration in the investigation. The effect of drugs on a person may even render them incapable of giving consent so it is better we are told about the drug use. Importantly the police can use discretion not to prefer charges for drug use in these matter and in almost all cases we dont prefer charges where victims have told use they have been using drugs. I hope that makes sense and answers your question.
I should add that when I say prefer charges, its police jargon I fall into, to prefer a charge means to actually charge someone. The main aim is to investigate the sexual assault and ensure the person reporting receives all the care and support they need @sasperth
@Rsg The answer would still be no, even if you don't say it and you seem to freeze. I honestly think that if someone is going to be a jerk and try something while you're intoxicated (and it looks like you're not fully functioning), they're bad news.
Really great answers everyone, it's wonderful to see you all providing support to one another!
Time for the next question
You’re never obligated to tell someone about your experience with sexual assault, but in some situations (like starting a new relationship) it can be something that you might choose to do, what are some things to think about if you’re ready to talk about it?
You’re never obligated to tell someone about your experience with sexual assault, but in some situations (like starting a new relationship) it can be something that you might choose to do, what are some things to think about if you’re ready to talk about it?
Hm, that's a tough question. Some things to think about would be where you can get help and additional support while talking about it. It can be really challenging when you do talk about it - because this might happen years later, for example. I think that you also have to think about whether you trust the person you're telling it to, and if you are starting a new relationship, how you can work together to make it great for everyone. Small, slow steps.
Great question! If it is a really new relationship, I would check out the person in different situations and with different people before you commit to them. When you feel ready, ask them if they can listen to you about something that upset you and hurt you in your past? That will give them a chance to re-set and get into listening mode or maybe you might get a poor response that is not encouraging and then I would take a second thought about whether you feel safe with them and whether they are the right person for you. Take it slowl. If they do have the headspace to be compassionate then you can tell them what and how much you want to. Give yourself permission to not answer some questions. Also again make sure you are in a good space yourself and take good care of yourself, remembering an assault is never your fault.
@stonepixie I like the term survivor for the same reasons, it's a way of talking about the experience while still empowering the person who had to go through it.
I think something that is hugely important is talking about sexual assault in a way that supports survivors that a few of you have touched on already is to absolutely not victim blame. There is nothing a person could do that would mean that they would deserve to be assaulted so they should never be blamed for it.
Wow, everyone has some great suggestions here on the forums 🙂 Looking out for yourself while looking out for others!
We often use the word survivor to talk about our experiences, why is that? What are some other ways of talking about sexual assault that support survivors?
I think that we use the word 'survivor' because we still perceive those who have experienced such a horrible thing as people. It can be really disconcerting when you encounter others who might 'slut-shame' or even "victim-blame" you about it, even though it's never your fault. Some 'survivors' don't even like the word 'survivor' and there could be many reasons behind this too.
Some ways that we can talk about sexual assault that support survivors are:
- That everyone is different in their recovery process
- You are a not less of a person having gone through these experiences
- And that there's always a light at the end of the tunnel
Even if you may be poking and prodding in the dark for awhile, you will find your way and there are people out there who can guide you.
