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Surviving

Been a while since I posted, with a lot happening in my life since then. My mum passed away from cancer in September last year, and a couple of weeks after that I had an accident where I was partially paralysed and had to relearn how to walk and learn to live without a vast majority of sensation and feeling. Positively after 7 months of Physio I am walking/hobbling around without crutches and can get back on the bike. Dating has been a real struggle with many people calling me a freak or broken and not willing to take a chance on someone like me. It has thought helped with filtering out toxic people quicker than before. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing wrong, I’m trying to improve myself, trying to meet people in a variety of surroundings both online and in person, and still no luck. It’s been harder being single without having my mum to talk to, as she was a great encourager. Sorry for the rant 

HugoLee
HugoLeePosted 06-05-2023 04:23 PM

Comments

 
Aoki
AokiPosted 13-06-2023 08:41 PM

1, Don't apologise for things, this is a forum! 

2, Really why do you have to be NOT single? Being single is nice, you don't have to give presents to people, you can buy them for yourself, you can cook food that you like to eat. And you don't need to clean up other people's messes. You can do a lot of things for YOURSELF! Try meet friends more! Because short dates really won't let you get to know someone truely! 

3, Last but not least, you are no freak. No need for any explaination.

 

I know it is quite difficult, but you can be optimistic and see the world romantically by yourself. First look at nature and think about how pretty or strange something is. Everyday look at the sunset! Eat delicious food and be happy. The difference is in the lighting. I have hypersomnia, I fall asleep often at inconvienient times. Such as when I am walking (Not like fainting though) Others might say, I fall into curbs or sidewalks. I say, I fall into rose bushes, yeah it is prickly and spiky, but it is also funny, and roses are nice! I have fallen a couple of times into them (thanks to the rose bushes next to the gym) so I say that! It is fun! 

 

I hope that your life will become much much better and better. And I think you are an optimist too. You might be a people person, which is why you want to be in a relationship! 

(I am a little bit sleepy which is why it is so incoherent, but I hope I wrote sort-of clearly!) 

 
 
HugoLee
HugoLeePosted 20-06-2023 10:20 PM

Well, I would say I have been single for so long that I'm pretty over it, I enjoy having both emotional and physical connections with people and most of the time I would say I'm romantically lonely 

 
 
 
Pho-RO
Pho-ROPosted 20-06-2023 10:36 PM

@HugoLee I can totally understand that, being single for a long time can sometimes result in feeling a craving for certain kinds of deep connections, and yeah that physical connection in particular can be really tough to feel that you're missing.

 

I think sometimes if we search too hard or become too focused on those particular kinds of relationships, it can sometimes make it harder to find them - perhaps because we are more acutely aware of their absence. 

 

It could be helpful to focus on other aspects of your life that bring you fulfillment, stuff that gets you excited and passionate. Sometimes, just enjoying ourselves doing things we love can end up getting the attention of the types of people that we may want to invest emotional energy into - having fun is a very attractive quality 😉

 

Take it day by day I reckon, keep dating and all that of course, if that is what you want to be doing; but also ensure you're able to focus on yourself and the things you want to do and work towards. I imagine the right person will turn up in your life when you least expect it. 

 
ayrc_1904
ayrc_1904Posted 06-05-2023 09:10 PM

Hi @HugoLee

 

No need to apologise for the rant! We love hearing out what people's thoughts and feelings are. Thank you for sharing with us ❤️

 

Im sorry to hear that you have been going through a lot lately, I think you've been incredibly strong and about the situation which is amazing. You've done so much fighting for yourself Im sure your mum would be incredibly proud of you. She also sounds like a lovely person.

 

I know how much people's words can hurt, and Im sorry that you had to hear such horrible things. Dating can be really hard for anyony, but you are non of those things that they said. You are brave and beautiful - don’t let anyone else make you feel otherwise. You have yet to find someone who deserves you, but they will come.

 

💓

 
Anzelmo
AnzelmoPosted 06-05-2023 08:40 PM

Hi @HugoLee

 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us, I'm sorry to hear that other people have not been treating you better.

 

You do not deserve to have been treated like that. You have been through so many obstacles and you are bouncing back as best as you can from your circumstances and that takes incredible strength and is something admirable. I think you have just not found the right people - as I don't think you have done anything wrong at all.

 

I hope you are going well, you should be proud of how much you have worked on bringing yourself up! 💙

 
Chloe-RO
Chloe-ROPosted 06-05-2023 04:50 PM

Hey there @HugoLee ,

 

Thank you for connecting on the forums and sharing what has been happening for you.

 

It must be so hard to have lost your mum to cancer, and then having to face your own challenges. It sounds like it's taken a lot of strength to get to where you are now, and that in itself should be recognised.

 

In terms of dating, it sounds like it has been quite difficult for you. Do you attend any social events, study etc where you may meet people? People who truly care will see past the perceived weaknesses to see the real you. 

 

Do you have supports in place who you can speak to? e.g. family members, friends, professionals?

 
 
HugoLee
HugoLeePosted 06-05-2023 08:50 PM

I do study, and have tried meeting people through uni events and classes, but to no avail, it has mainly been people in person that have been the hardest with saying in broken or a freak, I luckily have a good support network of friends and family that has been very helpful during this time. I have also seen a psychologist for the last 4 years 

 
 
 
Chloe-RO
Chloe-ROPosted 06-05-2023 10:20 PM

Hi @HugoLee ,

 

I hear how challenging it is for you right now. It must be so hard to be faced with these challenges.

 

Are there particular strategies you work on with your psychologist that have been helpful in overcoming some of these stressors? Or have you been able to speak to them about how you are feeling about your ability to socialise?

 

I'm not sure if you have ever used the supports from Griefline? They may be able to guide you in terms of managing the loss of your mother as well as loss of part of your mobility? Would you consider contacting them?

 

You do not have to do this alone.

 

We wish you all the best and look forward to hearing how things go for you.

 
 
 
 
HugoLee
HugoLeePosted 07-05-2023 10:58 PM

The Mann strategies we have focused on are areas in my life that I have control of, where before most of the things that had happened were entirely out of my control, so understanding how much control I have, and allowing it to be ok with letting go of that control and let it be 

 
 
 
 
 
lillypond
lillypondPosted 15-06-2023 06:31 PM

I can relate to some of what you've been saying I've had my own share of people who say horrible things and those who make fun of me but the one thing that's really helped me is to keep in the forefront of your mind that you are your own person and that a lot of the time the things that people say about you aren't what's true and that those who are by your side are the people that love you and care about you never let what people say define who you are stay true to yourself and achieve your dreams because at the end of the day it's what you think about yourself that matters the most but if you stay true to yourself regardless of what people say you can overcome anything I hope this helps a little when trying to combat the negative views people hold of you.

 
 
 
 
 
Sally_RO
Sally_ROPosted 08-05-2023 12:41 PM

Hi @HugoLee , you have certainly been through a lot these last few months, I am really sorry for your loss. Focusing on the things that you can control, while trying to let go of the things you can't sounds like a helpful strategy to help you cope with these difficult times. It sounds like your pscyhologist is a great support in your life. 

You have certainly demonstrated great strength and resilience to cope with the curveballs life has thrown you over last few months. Keep taking care of yourself, and remember that we are here to support you through the tough times. 

Welcome back!

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