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Need some advice

TW! Unfortunately suicide prank- Ok so, things have been getting messy lately. I’ve always had little problems or things that bug me with my best friend, but this incident was a big one, I was hurt and upset. My best friend let’s call her Jemima and a guy let’s call Jack played a nasty, disgusting joke on me. Jack FaceTimed me and kept saying ‘I’m fine’ in and aggressive tone out of nowhere so I said ‘I’m scared’ and I hung up.  I then messaged Jemima and told her what had happened and that I’m worried because Jack goes around telling people he has suicidal thoughts and he has diabetes which makes him even more at risk. Jack told me last week he liked me, I don’t like him back tho. So he messaged me asking if I wanted to ‘hug’. Jemima told me to say yes as a joke, so I did. He then replied with ‘Actually, bc I low key still have feeling for you’. I said ‘R u joking, I’m sorry I don’t like u r u ok?’ And so on… Eventually he says ‘No it’s fine (my name) I’m just going to go end my life’ I did not take this as a joke as well and I was crying so I messaged his best friend telling her what was going on. I then received an upsetting image from him and I sent it to his best friend and she was going to text his mum. I also sent it to my best friend and she said ‘say you like him bc either it stops himself from killing himself or u find out it’s a prank’. I did not tell him I liked him. Anyways his best friend let’s call her Jess then received a message from Jack saying don’t message my mum. How could he have known? I then went on to find out Jemima my best friend was FaceTiming Jack the whole time and thought it was funny and was encouraging him. I did not find it funny as I was crying and shaking because I was upset and concerned. In the end it is a disgusting thing to joke about a topic like that and if I had’ve told him I liked him back he would’ve screenshotted it and sent to the world. As you can understand I was extremely upset with Jemima and chose to hang out with Jess at first lunch. Jemima was going around asking everyone where I was and someone finally led her to me. We talked, I told her I don’t know what to do about and she said she understood if I wanted a break from her or if I didn’t want to be friends. We agreed we would talk second break as well but she never showed up. I then sent her a text this afternoon ‘Hey Jemima I’m sorry for the way things went down however I honestly just want to expand my friendship groups and it isn’t necessarily just what happened recently between us. The reason why I cared about what happened with you more than what happened with Jack is because you are closer to me and I don’t plan with being friends with Jack in the future. I understand I have done some bad things in the past but our communication style also bugs me (such as me asking to go to the beach and you leave me on opened, if u don’t want to go I would rather u just tell me). Ok so I would still be ok with remaining friends with u but I will also hang out with my other friends at lunchtime. Hopefully we will be ok for … birthday.’ I also told her to lmk if she has any issues with me. She left me on opened for an hour before replying with ‘sure’. I was unimpressed. I then get a message from Jack saying she’s been saying bad things about me to him and that she’s sad bc now she has no friends. To be honest I feel a little guilty bc I do have people to hang out with. How should I deal with this? Should I ignore? Talk to her?

Goldenrod_Lark
Goldenrod_LarkPosted 20-05-2021 11:27 PM

Comments

 
celestialdreamer
celestialdreamerPosted 04-06-2021 08:27 PM

@Goldenrod_Lark I hope the last few messages went okay, that must've been such a stressful situation, because if you're not with the person you don't know whether they are joking or being serious, but I completely agree it was not a funny joke, suicide is not a laughing matter. I think you handled the situation very maturely and should be proud of yourself for setting boundaries. You sound like a very empathetic and caring friend, especially to Jemima, but the fact she started spreading mean things about you because you set boundaries isn't fair to you. If it were me, I don't think I would actively ignore her or talk to her, I think I would give it some time and if I saw her, I would be civil and polite. You need to do what is best for you ❤️ Have you been interacting much with her over the past couple weeks? How have you been going with your other friends etc.?

 
 
Goldenrod_Lark
Goldenrod_LarkPosted 06-06-2021 01:40 AM

Thankyou for all of your advice it was very helpful I have sorted the most of it out and now it is polite and civil.

 
 
 
celestialdreamer
celestialdreamerPosted 18-06-2021 11:13 PM

@Goldenrod_Lark that is really good to hear that you have sorted most of it out now. I hope things continue to go well for you and your friendships, always here to listen and talk if you need ☺️

 
Onion
OnionPosted 22-05-2021 05:37 PM

Hi @Goldenrod_Lark

 

Just wanted to second what @Bre-RO and @TOM-RO said. I think you should feel proud of yourself to be able to set boundaries in such a direct and polite manner. I think what your friends did was very distasteful. Hopefully Jemima will also grow more mature and maybe in the near future you guys can form an improved friendship. For now though I hope you build stronger friendships with your other group. Best of luck!

 
Bre-RO
Bre-ROPosted 21-05-2021 12:21 PM

Aw @Goldenrod_Lark this whole situation sounds so upsetting. I want you to know that while your friends mightn't fully understand why what they did was not okay, there are people out there who get it. This is not a funny joke and your reaction to it shows that you are mature and caring person. 

 

The fact that you are worrying about how this situation will impact Jemima just shows how caring you are. It took me a long, long time to learn (and I'm still learning) but sometimes even though you care about a person, you need to set boundaries for yourself. In this situation, I'd say to listen to your gut. If you feel as though you don't want to continue the friendship and you'd prefer to hang with your other friends -- there is nothing wrong with that. Maybe it will be a friendship you revisit in the future but it's okay to take a step back. 

 

Have you spoken to your other friends about how this has made you feel? 

 
 
Goldenrod_Lark
Goldenrod_LarkPosted 21-05-2021 03:45 PM

Ahaha thankyou, yes I spoke to my other friends however they would prefer to stay out of the drama/not take sides which I completely understand and agree with. They did recommend letting her know what I want in the future such as if I'd like to remain friends or not. I don't want to be good friends but I think we should respect each other and can still go to the beach sometimes, I'd prefer hang out with my other group at lunch. But I don't know how to communicate that with her. Should I send her a message saying exactly that?

 
 
 
Goldenrod_Lark
Goldenrod_LarkPosted 21-05-2021 03:53 PM

I just sent her this: 

Hey Jemima, I don't think it would be best for me right now to remain best friends but I think we should still respect each other and can still go to the beach sometimes, I'd prefer hang out with my other group at lunch. I’m still here tho if u need to talk about anything.

 

do u think that's ok? She replied with ok

 
 
 
 
TOM-RO
TOM-ROPosted 21-05-2021 09:40 PM

Hey @Goldenrod_Lark that message sounds very concise and straightforward to me. Great job! I think you’ve done well approaching this situation. It can be very important set clear boundaries with friends who have broken our trust in the past. I think it’s good to remember that a solid friendship is based on a feeling of safety, if you aren’t feeling safe around your friends, it’s okay to take a break and talk about what’s making you feel unsafe or hurt. 😊

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