Relationship
Hey guys,
i have a girlfriend weve been dating for 8 months and she isnt showing much love and effection anymore. ive done so much for her and she is doing so little for me and she says she love me alot but i dont believe it. im angry and scared i dont know what to do.
Comments
Hey @This_is_me
That sounds like a really tough situation... it's totally understandable that you're feeling this way. It must be disheartening when you're not receiving the same love that you're giving out.
I also feel that because she's been going through a lot recently, she's maybe not her usual self with you. At the same time, I can see why you'd feel more upset considering she's been able to show her gratefulness to a friend of hers.
I'm also really proud of you for talking about this with her and your mum too. I'm glad she's improving and that there's some positive change. It may take some time for things to get back to normal whilst she's feeling down, but I'm glad you have good communication and that you feel safe and comfortable enough with her to open up about your feelings.
Although difficult, do you think it might help to redirect your care and attention more to other people and build those relationships to look after yourself and surround yourself with people that care for you too? E.g. relationships with your family members, friends, etc.
Maybe finding a hobby and spending time on things you love might help get your mind off things a little bit.
I'm really proud of you for continuing to show support and love to your girlfriend despite not being able to receive the same amount of it back. It shows a lot about your character and how caring you are as a person. I hope you feel better soon ❤️
Hi @This_is_me
Just wanted to say that it's totally okay to feel angry and scared when somebody you love may not be responding with the same level of affection you expect them to. I've personally experienced this many times in relationships and it can be really tough! It's often hard to understand why somebody is acting in the way they are ( if only we could have access into people's minds) but I just wanted to let you know that feeling the way you do is totally normal and justified! When I'm experiencing difficulties in a particular relationship in my life, I try to focus my energy on my hobbies- trying to find something that I love and enjoy doing that will bring some positivty into my day. In the midst of this difficult and overwhelming situation, do you think that perhaps investing time into self-care and working on the things you are passionate about may help?
Here to talk.
hey! I'm really sorry that things have been difficult lately. I wish relationships were smooth and steady and easy. alas, 'tis not to be. offering my sincerest understandings.
you said your girlfriend said she loves you a lot. does that mean you've talked about how you were feeling to her? how did that conversation go?
sometimes, it's hard not to let doubt overtake us in a relationship. the most we can do at times is talk about it or have faith in your partner.
you have every right to focus on some self-care and build up your own confidence. maybe communicating that to her would be good, if she has the energy.
reading the other reply, it looks like your gf is going through a lot. remember her circumstances are not a reflection of you!
if you can talk to your support system, too, or maybe just spend some time with them to rewind and feel chill and connect with other loved ones, that would be awesome.
I'm sorry for the lack of action-based advice. really hoping you feel better, and know you're not alone.
Hey @This_is_me , thanks for reaching out here, it’s really nice to hear from you again🙂 It sounds like you and your girlfriend have been going through an awful lot lately. With your girlfriend dealing with a mental illness, and you supporting her through it all, it’s a lot for you both to handle.
You mentioned that you’re feeling as though your girlfriend isn’t showing much love or affection towards you at the moment. It’s completely understandable that this is quite a scary feeling for you. I sense that you care an awful lot about your girlfriend and are putting a lot of effort into your relationship, so I imagine it can be quite upsetting to feel as though you’re not getting the same in return.
I wanted to point out that it is really common to see these challenges come up in a relationship when one person is experiencing troubles with their mental health. It doesn’t always mean that the person doesn’t have love for the other person, rather it can often mean that what they’re dealing with at the moment is affecting their ability to be their usual self.
I am wondering whether this might be the case in your own current situation? I thought it might be worth sharing this article on feeling lonely in a relationship. There might be a few tips in there to help when you’re feeling distant from your girlfriend.
It can be really tough supporting someone through a difficult time, so it’s important to also prioritise your own well-being. I came across this article on looking after yourself when caring for someone else, that might be helpful. Is there anything in particular you like to do to take your mind off things and relax?
There isn't anything that I'm able to take off my mind. The only thing that would help me relx is for my girlfriend to be more clingy and stuff. Causen she has 2 best friend a.k.a besties and I hate them it's a girl and boy. The boy is anoying. And her other friend thinks she is the parent of us and thinks she knows everything. And she hasn't done anything to help my girlfriend and I have done so much and my girlfriend sent a thankyou paragraph to her and not to me. And it hurts. I feel like anything I do is usless
Hey @This_is_me
I can hear how much this is affecting you, which I think shows how much she means to you.
And it almost sounded like you feel she is still capable at the moment of showing care and affection like she did when thanking her friend, so that must add to the confusion as to why youre being treated differently.
I can see why then its very hard to take your mind off of this. Like some of our other community members have wondered, have you been able to gently talk with her about how youre feeling? If not, what do you think is getting in the way?
It really is natural to feel worried, angry and scared of what is happening, but i know that doesnt change how awful it feels. Im also wondering if youve shared how youre feeling with anyone else? It can be really hard to open up and share even with our family or friends, when we are feeling vulnerable, but it can often by the most helpful thing.
Sometimes it can be helpful to talk with someone perhaps that we dont know at all and externalise how we feel. Kids Helpline is an amazing service for that. You can chat with a counsellor anytime for free on 1800 551 800 or talk online via kidshelpline.com.au - do you think it may be worth reaching out to them also?
yes i have talked to her about this and i have gone to my mum and my school couincler but i went to the councler for a different problem. ive told her how i feel but idk she has changed a bit in a good way but not enough. i understand she is going through a hard time but im scared
Im glad to hear youve tried to talk with her as well as sharing this with mum - that takes alot of courage. Its okay to be scared. Sounds like perhaps you are most scared of losing her which is understandable. Do you think it may also be worth talking with the school counsellor about all of this too?
Yeh I want to but it feels wierd to talk to the couincler about relationships. I want to about it It just feels wierd.
Hi @This_is_me
I totally understand what you mean! At one point I was talking to my school counsellor about a particular relationship I was in and the problems it was causing- and at the beginning it was a little awkward, but once I explained the situation I found that relationships are sort of like a universal human experience that everyone can relate to! I actually found that my counsellor had some really good advice and even gave me examples of relationships she had been in herself! It ended up being a good conversation, so I'd encourage you to test it out and see how it goes?
Let me know xx
Hiya @This_is_me 👋 how has your day been?
I'm really sorry to read about how hurt and scared you've been lately. It sounds like you care about your girlfriend a lot, so this whole situation must be tough to experience.
It can be so weird to talk with a counsellor about relationships if it isn't something you've done before. I've felt the same way in the past!
You mentioned that you want to talk to your counsellor about it, which is a good thing. I want to reassure you that one of the most common things counsellors talk about is relationships because they are such important aspects of life.
It's okay and totally normal to feel awkward talking about certain things with a counsellor, but it can be such a game changer when you do it. If you were to try talking to your counsellor about the situation with your girlfriend, can you think of one or two things you'd feel okay to share with them to start the conversation?
