Socializing/Friendships
Hi everyone,
I am having some trouble dealing with friendships and want to see what other people think.
I spend a lot of time alone but don't really mind it. There have been times for sure that I have been lonely, but I think I have gotten more used to it now. The past few years I have noticed that whenever people get closer to me and start hanging out, I usually don't want to. It's not like I hate them or anything - just that I feel like we have different interests and that I often find hanging out with other people boring. I know that makes me sound like a terrible person but it's true. Whenever I'm with other people, I'm usually thinking I wish I could be reading right now or watching a show I like. I don't really like being invited to parties or dinners or lunches, but because it's rude to always turn people down, I go.
My mum wants me to go to the parties I am invited to, often saying that it's a great opportunity to meet people and expand my social network. I can see her point but I just really really dislike parties. If I am going to hang out with people, I would rather go the beach or go on a walk or go ice-skating.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't think the way I respond to friendships is normal. Whenever I feel like someone wants to spend time with me, my first instinct is to push them away. I don't like feeling I have a commitment to them - that I have to spend time with them on a regular basis.
The weird thing is, some sort of human survival instinct kicks in and makes me feel sad when I go a long time without talking to another person. I don't really want to spend time with other people but I feel sad anyways.
Can anyone relate to this?
Comments
I can really relate to your post. I think it so good that you can spend time by yourself but it's just as important to spend time with people as were social beings. Have you found that you enjoy your time alone or do things you enjoy alone? As suggested already joining some clubs based on your interests could be good.
Hi @A_Friend thanks for your message! My main hobby is reading, so it's hard to do socially. In saying that, I have joined a bookclub which is exciting!! Unfortunately the area I live in has gone into lockdown so bookclub was cancelled this month 😞 but when lockdown ends I'm definately going to the next session 😃
Hi @Jardin Reading is great! I'm sorry to hear about bookclub being cancelled, but we can maybe do a bookclub on the forums! 😊
There's this fun thread where we guess quotes from books, we'd love to guess some quotes from you if you're interested!
What's your favourite book?
Hey @Jardin ,
I really relate to what you're saying. Whenever I feel like I'm getting closer with people, I end up pushing them away. I prefer doing activities on my own that I enjoy, like watching tv shows, and socialising isn't really my thing either. I'm sorry you're going through that, and you're not a terrible person. I think a lot of other people will relate to your experiences, and I admire that you've shared this with us.
I think the others have already made some good suggestions, and we're here for you if you want to talk more or need more support ❤️
Hi @featuringme Thanks for your support xx
It makes me feel a lot better knowing other people can relate to how I am feeling!
Hi @Jardin ,
I definitely hear what you are saying. As a more introverted person myself, I do appreciate some time just for myself, focusing on what I enjoy and find interesting the most. I think everyone comes on a spectrum, and have different levels of social interaction that satisfies them. I feel that as long as you yourself as an individual could feel content and fulfilled, the actual amount of "social life" you have is not as important as it is deemed in society.
However, I think it is also completely natural, that at times, we do yearn for social interaction and relatedness as you are feeling sometimes. It is baked in to us humans as social animals, and I think it is important to not ignore this desire ❤️ Although parties may be a great opportunity to do so as your mum had said, it is definitely not for everyone (like myself 😋) and there are so many other different opportunities we can socialise 😃
If I understand correctly, you often find yourself having different interests with those you hang out with which feels as it is preventing you from further developing the relationship with that person. As @Onion and @AngelJoy had said, you'd be surprised by how many people would share some the interests you have. Joining a club in your local area for one of your interests might be a helpful way you could interact and relate with other people more closely while not feeling too committed to every individual. Fortunately, we live in the age of the Internet, and we can also interact and relate to others online as we are doing right now! There are many online forums and communities for common interests like subredddits on Reddit, which you could just chill and chat with others with common interests while not being committed to anyone at all. Is this something that you might be interested in doing, or are already doing?
I really appreciate that you have reached out with this concern, and hopefully hear back from you soon 💕
Hi @Andre9 thanks for the message!
Clubs are a great idea 😃 I just moved into the city so hopefully it should be easier to join things now!
Also yeah, it's awesome that the internet has forums like this one. Reddit is pretty cool too!
Hey @Jardin !
Please know that you are not alone. I also have times where I'm in no mood to hang out with other people or even respond to my friends' texts. During those times, I find solace in playing video games or watching YouTube. 😅
From your post you mention that you tend to reject people if you feel that they want to hang out with you, so perhaps it might be easier if you initiated the invitation for a hang out with someone you're interested in socializing with? Maybe this way you don't have to feel overwhelmed at parties and can take charge of the event that you want to do?
You also mentioned that you don't feel like you have any common interests with other people and as @AngelJoy said, you'd be surprised by how many people would share the same interests. Perhaps it might help to explicitly ask others what interests they have? Or you could ask what someone else thinks of an interest that you have? (provided you feel comfortable doing so ofc)
P.S. What are your interests?
Hi @Onion Firstly, thanks for the message 🙂
My interest are reading (particularly paranormal romance/urban fantasy - yes I'm nerdy lol), art, anime, running, swimming, going on walks in nature and going to the beach.
I was thinking of joining a book club or running club. Unfortunately, I have emailed my uni running club several times and they have not gotten back to me 😞 I will keep trying though!
Hey @Jardin !
It's awesome that you have a wide range of hobbies! I'm very sure that you will be able to find individuals who also share these interests! (I love anime and going on bushwalks too! 😄) I'm also really glad to hear that you are looking into clubs to meet new people! Really hope you will form some strong friendships 💪!
Hi @Jardin, I can totally relate to that. I tend to push people away, but since I'm really clingy I come running back. I hate going to parties and I'm always really nervous, shy and quiet around other people. You wouldn't even know that I'm there sometimes. I'm lonely all the time, so I understand. I'm not a very social person. You'd be surprised by how many people would share the same interests. As humans we are social, so yes it's good to hang out with people. Everyone needs to do that, but we also need time alone too. I'll be here for you.
Remember, you matter. ❤
Hi @AngelJoy Thanks for your message 🙂
Yeah I definately don't enjoy parties too! I do get that I need to hang out with people sometimes... the hard part is making myself go out and join things haha. I will try my best though xx
Awww, if I was there I'd take you by your hand and help you do it. OwO I believe in youuuuuuuuuu!
