[CHAT]: Good grief!
Death and loss are an inevitable part of life. They give our lives meaning, and inspire us to make the most of our relatively short time here on Earth. As much as the feelings can be overwhelming at times, there is strength in vulnerability as it allows us to bond with those who are close to us. It's also normal to feel grief in situations that aren't as dramatic as death - break ups, moving out of home or changing schools can all be challenging times for everyone.
Join us here to chat about managing all the tough feels on Monday 26th March at 7:30PM AEDT. In the meantime, check out our articles on managing grief and loss.
If reading this has upset you or you'd like to talk to with someone, you can chat to Kids Helpline online or over the phone (1800 55 1800).
hi everyone 🙂
1. what are some common feels around grief?
i think we all experince grief in our own ways and thats perfectly fine. i think some common feelings though are sadness and lonliness, denial and not being able to accept the loss, overwhelming memories and emotions surrouding that person-mixed feelings, some people experience regret- i experienced alot of that and then later acceptance and being able to know that they are gone but they dont have to be forgotten
So it seems like sadness, loneliness and anger are some of the common things people might feel while going through a period of grieving. These can be pretty hard to get through so let's have a look at our next question:
What are some things that help you manage the feels around grief?
@FootyFan26 i listen to music and talk to friends that want to hear what's happening i struggle to find a voice to what matters to me or how i feel people have taken advantage of me so i end up not doing anything i go by myself a lot with no one else when bads things happen i do it like when my dad had a week to live i went through a mental breakdown and had to leave because of it i couldn't handle it i have lose a lot in my life though deaths
@Bee i like Hollywood undead i can relate to a lot of songs when i struggle i listen to them it helps some of there songs are sad and i think it's done that way the listener can relate and try to help get better the one that are good songs to listen to of tou are struggling is broken record, rain,city save me, i will be there, believe, outside young the dairy, nobody watching that's all Hollywood undead and the other one i listen to is carly ray jepsen she is more about love and romance but they can help you so the songs are talk to me run away with me i really like you making the most of the night your type lets get lost la hallucinations
It's good that we can also get lost in the music too, something just having a good cry about what is upsetting us can be very therapeutic 🙂
1. what are some common feels around grief?
You've all pretty much nailed it 🙂 Saddness, lonliness, anger...
2. What are some things that help you manage the feels around grief?
For me, self-care is a biggie. When my last 2 grandparents passed away, I did a lot of colouring in and journalling. I couldn't do much as I had 2 broken ankles and had just had surgery on my right foot.
So for my colouring was the main thing that helped.
When I'm thinking about them now, I like to remember the life they lived and remember that they are okay now, they aren't suffering or in pain anymore. I've also done some colouring pages specifically dedicated to something they would like 🙂
@Bee the grief when my dad passes away is probably going to fuck me up big time i know i won't be talking to anyone i will be in a place by myself or with my gf if i do get one it will be hard as hell for me because not having here in the house is shit it's quiet no machine goes off he can't hear him i struggle with it when he goes in the hospital and he stays there i sleep in his bed it helps me we also have a ghost that comes in dad's room to let us know what happens like if dad passes he will get anyone attention like one night i heard steps right outside dad's room so i knew it was his dad telling us something happened when he is gone out of the house it's not right i get sad and just stay on his bed and go in his room a lot i worry all the time im going to gwt a phone call saying he has passed away i would have a mental breakdown i wouldn't do anything for weeks
I remember before my grandmother passed away we saw her in hospital, and she looked so weak and tired, and I knew it would be one of the last times I saw her. But in that she was also her cheeky and sensible self. And the last memory I have of her is my favourite and one I'll cherish forever ❤️
@Bee he is not doing well he is more tired snd getting worse i the only memory i will have is with the cars we fixed together but they are both gone i nearly cryied when the last one went i loved it it was dad's car he loved it he drove every day its for me to see him sick im not doing so well
Silly me never answered 3...
3. What are some positives to come out of feeling grief and experiencing the grieving process? (Are able to work through your feelings, reflect on your relationship with whatever you are grieving and be more in touch with your own feelings without pushing them out of the way)
Positives can be simple things like remembering the time they lived, and cherishing the memories you have with them. For me a positive is that they are no longer in pain and suffering - my grandparents were very ill when they passed, and that's been the case with everyone else I know who has passed away.
4. What are some of the negatives to overly feeling grief and experiencing the grieving process?
The feelings. No one likes feeling sad, and the lonely feeling can feel overwhelming, so they are a couple negatives.
I think another would be not feeling able to do things in life because you're consumed with grief... Which is where we need to be vigilant and practice a lot of self-care when we are grieving - if you want ice cream for dinner, go ahead. 🙂
4. What are some of the negatives to overly feeling grief and experiencing the grieving process?
I think that a negative of feeling grief could be that all you can feel are the negative emotions without being able to put things into perspective. I also think that another negative could be associating yourself personally with the event which has caused the grief, i.e. having thoughts that you were responsible for the event. I think that for some people, practical reasons (earning money for food, rent, etc.) might mean that they do not have the time to be able to process the situation adequately, which could be harmful for them in the long run (it is unfortunate that not everyone is as sympathetic or helpful as we would like).
4. What are some of the negatives to overly feeling grief and experiencing the grieving process?
The thought of them made me cry. I had emotions running wild and I got quieter. It did make me depressed for a bit of time and it did change me as a person.
It's awesome that you have that memory, and I think it's pretty natural to have wanted to cry when the cars went away (I think you said you were selling them?)
It's also normal to feel sad that your dad isn't doing so well.
Are there other things that help you feel a bit better or ok? Maybe something that distracts you from the sadness?
@Bee they are both gone the 2 cars i cant find things that are helping not even for a while to keep my mind off the only thing i can think of is games but i have to do a lot for him but i don't have much time anymore because of tafe i don't know dad noticed he pushed me away completely and now he is trying to get it back
Are you able to set aside some time where you can play a game for a little while? Even if it's half an hour or so?
I'm sorry to hear your dad pushed you away, I guess the positive is that he is trying to rekindle the relationship now?
What are you studying at TAFE?
@Bee that's why i want a relationship and a gf so i can get have that extra support from her and do things that help reduce stress you probably know wjat i mean but i can't say it here so really helped me a lot do that's why im looking for someone for those reasons snd plus it's not to know that the people you are in a relationship with loves you i don't want to be pushed away anymore it's a really shit feeling
Remember though that you don't have to be in a relationship for people to support you 🙂
But of course, it's nice to feel loved ❤️
@Bee not really i can't do much games not even for half a hour im studying cert 2 food processing so on Tuesdays we run a shop snd serve customers food and get real experience
