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Ben-RO
Uber contributor

originally posted on 21-09-2015 10:06 PM

Thankyou for coming @evanescence! Got a lot out of chatting to you 🙂 

And thank you @j95 learned a thing or two of you! 

Ben-RO
Uber contributor

originally posted on 21-09-2015 9:59 PM

And it's nearrrrly over everyone! 

 

Thank you all for your amazing posts. I always love reading through these sessions after they are done. I learn heaps every time 🙂

tsnyder
Star contributor

originally posted on 21-09-2015 10:02 PM

Yeah thank you @j95 @evanescence and @Derpington for joining in, I really appreciate it! Good night everyone!

Ben-RO
Uber contributor

originally posted on 21-09-2015 9:58 PM

What are three coping strategies you will use when dealing with conflict next time?

1. Take it easy- Leave my baggage and my stress at the door so the conflict doesn't end up being about feelings from somewhere else. 

 

2. Listen reaaalllly carefully. Communication is a two way street. Make sure you hear and understand what the other person is saying and make sure you are heard and understood. 

 

3. Be true to myself - Understand that it's okay to diagree with someone else and sometimes there might not be a solution.

Ben-RO
Uber contributor

originally posted on 21-09-2015 9:50 PM

How can conflict be positive?


Sometimes change happens slowly but sometimes it happens all at once. I think often when change is sudden, it's brought about by conflict between two or more people realising an important point of difference. I think if both people in the conflict can have that fight in a respectful way - even if it's got a bit of heat to it- then knowing and understanding that difference will eventually be a good thing.  Even if it doesn't feel like it in the heat of the moment.

 

It's also an opourtunity to learn a lot about yourself. You might not realise how much something matters to you until someone else argues that it doesn't! 

Ben-RO
Uber contributor

originally posted on 21-09-2015 9:34 PM

@tsnyder
It wouldn't be a very good chat about conflict without a fight now would it?

What does it mean to agree to disagree?

I think if you boil it all down, a disagreement or agreement is a difference or a similarity in opinion and/or perspective.

So if you agree, you see things the same way. If you disagree, you don't.

Or you believe the same thing, or don't.

That all gets clouded by things like being misunderstood. Or people not making their position clear enough, or perhaps like @Derpington said ages ago; stress or emotional baggage.

 

Ben-RO
Uber contributor

originally posted on 21-09-2015 9:18 PM

@ruenhonx

I am not sure if i totally agree with you! I think sometimes emotions can run a little hot. Not everyone is calm all the time and I think that's normal. I think sometimes people can agree to disagree and perhaps that means they won't get along after a conflict. I think all of that can be a normal part of a healthy disagreement. 


tsnyder
Star contributor

originally posted on 21-09-2015 9:22 PM

@Ben-RO disagreement in a talk about conflict, I love it! And I agree, it's not possible to please everyone and trying to is not anyway to live your life in my opinion

ruenhonx
Uber contributor

originally posted on 21-09-2015 9:25 PM

So it seems sometimes there wont always be a happy resolution and some of us won't be calm in a conflict so:

What does it mean to agree to disagree?

_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**
tsnyder
Star contributor

originally posted on 21-09-2015 9:23 PM

The best advice I've received about this type of stuff is just to stay true to yourself.

ruenhonx
Uber contributor

originally posted on 21-09-2015 9:21 PM

I can see what you mean @Ben-RO and you might be right about that actually.
_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**
evanescence
Super frequent scribe

originally posted on 21-09-2015 9:20 PM

@Ben-RO Yeah that's right, Ben. You just brought me back down to reality with that point.... COnflict resolution isn't always about everyone feeling Happy Ending and Sweet Roses all teh time. It's not like that in the world, is it???...

Ben-RO
Uber contributor

originally posted on 21-09-2015 9:07 PM

@evanescence catching up with an hour's worth of conversation in one post! Whoa. 

 

 

Ben-RO
Uber contributor

originally posted on 21-09-2015 9:04 PM

I like that you know when to walk off @j95  that's a pretty rare skill that a lot of people have no idea how to do you have a lot of those rare skills I think! 

 

How can you effectively talk to someone whilst having a disagreement?

 

I think you have to be aware of how you "fight" for lack of a better word. I think that you need to know your limits like @j95. For example if you're too angry to actually have a conversation and need to walk away.

 

Or the opposite, like when you have to know when to speak up to make sure your voice and the things that matter to you are heard. 

 

In both cases I think it's about communicating. So listening to what the other person has to say and understanding it. But also making sure the other person understands where you're coming from. 

ruenhonx
Uber contributor

originally posted on 21-09-2015 9:07 PM

I agree @Ben-RO listening and understanding is so important in resolving conflict.
_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**
Derpington
Casual scribe

originally posted on 21-09-2015 8:58 PM

If someone is hurt because they lost its okay. If someone is hurt because you were aggresive like yelled or insulted them or physically hit them thats not okay. 

Ben-RO
Uber contributor

originally posted on 21-09-2015 8:54 PM

It seems like we all have limits here that are around the physical. Is anything else fair game? 
@Derpington what is "hurting the person too much" to you?

Derpington
Casual scribe

originally posted on 21-09-2015 8:52 PM

I think it's going too far if you hurt the other person too much in any way shape or form. 

originally posted on 21-09-2015 8:53 PM

So it seems like the general theme here is that disrespectful behaviour of any form is not okay?

ruenhonx
Uber contributor

originally posted on 21-09-2015 8:54 PM

So we've established some deal breakers in conflict so

How can you effectively talk to someone whilst having a disagreement?

_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**
tsnyder
Star contributor

originally posted on 21-09-2015 8:58 PM

5. How can you effectively talk to someone whilst having a disagreement?

 

In my opinion, staying focused on the problem rather than personalizing it or making big judgements about others. What do you guys think?

ruenhonx
Uber contributor

originally posted on 21-09-2015 9:00 PM

How can you effectively talk to someone whilst having a disagreement?

Sit down, one person talk at a time. Use "I" statements e.g I feel..., focus on the behaviour and the problem and not the person. Find ways on how to move forward, dont go to sleep mad. 

_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**
tsnyder
Star contributor

originally posted on 21-09-2015 9:04 PM

@ruenhonx I like that - "don't go to sleep mad"

Ben-RO
Uber contributor

originally posted on 21-09-2015 8:50 PM

4. What does someone 'going to far' look like in an argument? (Such as name calling, insults, etc.)

 

Hmmm, anything physical is a dealbreaker. 

 

Insults are a bad time. 

 

Making the problem about the person rather than the actual thing you're trying to sort out generally makes things worse.

 

Oh and bringing old fights up that have nothing to do with the new one as some kind of ammunition.