[CHAT] Don't regret regrets
originally posted on 21-05-2015 12:28 PM
At the end of high school when my ATAR came out, I was disappointed to the say the least. It was enough to get me into university, but I didn’t do as well as I had hoped and I knew I wouldn’t be going to a top tier university like what my family wanted and expected. As this major milestone passed, I began to feel regret. A lot of the time at uni I found myself constantly thinking back to my final year at high school and what I could have done differently. “Why did I put so much energy into drama? It didn’t get me anywhere.” “Why didn’t I choose better scaling subjects?” “I was a good science student why didn’t I choose chemistry and physics?!” “Why did I give up?”
This regret soon grew into bitter resentment and I started to hate my life. Stuck in this negative frame of mind, I wasn’t enjoying the uni experience at all which didn’t help the fact that I was unsure if my course was really the career path I wanted to choose. I was unhappy at the lack of direction in my life. I’ve always had these expectations of success and it just felt like I’ve screwed up my ‘fresh start’ out of high school already.
One day I went pay some unpaid tutoring fees and got the chance to have a chat with my old maths tutor. I opened up to him and told him that right now, I mostly feel regret. I will always remember his advice from that day:
“You can’t keep looking back, behind you, over your shoulder every step of the way. Because if you do you will trip from not seeing what’s in front of you.”
He wanted me to think about the positives and appreciate what I had in front of me. More importantly he wanted me to be aware that there were new goals ahead of me and there wasn’t any time to be dwelling on the past because what’s done is done.
At the end of that semester I took some time off from study. And it’s still one of the best decisions I’ve made for myself. During that time getting away from the books, I got into the grind of life and I grew up emotionally and mentally. I guess like any adult, when a significant amount of time passes your regrets sorta just… fades out a bit. Time does heal all wounds. My regrets didn’t have that same grip on my life like it did earlier at the beginning of the year, I needed to focus on the question at hand ‘do I still want to be doing this course at uni?’
Taking time off gave me a chance to reflect on my life too, reflect on high school with maturity. I should never regret doing drama, I’ve had many wonderful experiences performing and it’s a really big part of what makes me who I am. If I didn’t do drama I would be a completely different person today! I could have done different subjects, but it was exactly what I wanted at the time. I did give up, but I was so tired of school at that point that I just wanted to get out of there and I got what I wanted, at least I can say I did it my way the whole way. I may not be at the ‘best’ uni but I should appreciate the fact that I am the first of my family to get into one. Besides, would I really be happy travelling 2 hours of public transport a day? (I actually love being 15 minutes away from uni ^_^). Overall I’ve got to take the good with the bad and live by those decisions I made and learn from the things I’m not happy about.
“Live a life with no regrets”- it’s one of those mantras that we’d all like to live by and I certainly believe it is possible for everyone to achieve. But living a life with no regrets is not the same as living a life with no mistakes, because that is an impossible expectation for anyone at any stage of their life. Rather it’s about living by your decisions regardless of the outcome and learning from your mistakes. You wouldn’t be who you are now, a little older and wiser if it wasn’t for what happened back then.
So join us on Monday 25th of May to talk all about dealing with regrets and living life to the fullest! Join us right here from 8pm AEST!
Event Details
25 May 2015, 2:00 AM UTC
25 May 2015, 4:00 AM UTC
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originally posted on 25-05-2015 9:37 PM
8.Have you, or someone close to you, ever been so bogged down with regret that it has been hard to move forward? What did you do?
my brother had many regrets after a bad break up from a 9 year relationship and it sent him down a pretty bad path at the time. i was young and couldn't really help at the time but if i had a chance now I would really give him my time and talk him hrough the whole thing. Constantly remind him to forgive himself and learn from this.
originally posted on 25-05-2015 9:29 PM
@NutellaBlaster I think if we don't forgive ourselves, there is a chance that your regret will resurface, even if you've moved past it because without forgiving yourself for making whatever caused the regret, you still regret it.originally posted on 25-05-2015 9:33 PM
@N1ghtW1ng thank you for saying that 🙂 I guess there are still things for me to work on!
originally posted on 25-05-2015 9:28 PM
okay everyone, just a few more questions to go.
8.Have you, or someone close to you, ever been so bogged down with regret that it has been hard to move forward? What did you do?
originally posted on 25-05-2015 9:42 PM
Have you, or someone close to you, ever been so bogged down with regret that it has been hard to move forward? What did you do?
YES! Hahaha. For both situations that had me bogged down, I had to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. I know with my honours year, and crashing really badly with my untreated MH definitely threw a spanner in the works. For so long I hated myself for not being able to go to uni. It took quite a lot of self talk and counselling and lots and lots of chats with my GP as well as my mum and dad to realise that it wasn't for me. I didn't have the drive and motivation left in me to finish the course, as well as the change of building half way through. I am now happily doing a course at TAFE in a different field all together.
As for the best friend incident, I didn't want to change the dynamics of our friendship group and then that friendship group fell apart when I did. I told myself that if I was to ever see him, I would tell him exactly how I felt about him but yeah. I just had to admit to myself that the waiting game was extremely unhealthy and that is when I took a step back and looked at the whole picture.
originally posted on 25-05-2015 9:20 PM
Some healthy ways are like @tsnyder said, what would you tell a friend? It's really how I help myself, from an 'outside' point of view. Acceptance is also really important, you have to accept the fact that it happened and find a way, by understanding and whatever works for you, to move onwards.originally posted on 25-05-2015 9:22 PM
@N1ghtW1ng definitely. It is really important to move on.
However, I'd like to add a general point here. I don't think we should move on arbitrarily - as @j95 pointed out previously: sometimes we just have to sit with our regrets for a while. Moving on should only ever be subsequent to learning, in my opinion
originally posted on 25-05-2015 9:26 PM
I also think the lessons learnt from regrets can be great to pass onto others who may not have had those experiences and may be feeling regret and not know what to do.
originally posted on 25-05-2015 9:37 PM
@FootyFan26 yes the more we can learn from others, we less we will have to suffer ourselves. Unfortunately, sometimes we don't listen or fully understand until we experience it ourselves. Brings to mind the saying that 'youth is wasted on the young'!
originally posted on 25-05-2015 9:29 PM
@FootyFan26 that's why we should really listen to others who have been through it. But at the same time, sometimes we don't really learn and understand the impact of that advice until we go through it ourselves too.
originally posted on 25-05-2015 9:18 PM
I must admit i'm bothered quite a bit by how often my regrets and those events resurface in my thoughts.
My go to with coping with regrets is to give it time. But it's often the hardest advice to give to someone!
originally posted on 25-05-2015 9:17 PM
Some great advice on how to cope with our regrets so i've got to ask
7. What are some healthy ways to cope and move on from regrets?
originally posted on 25-05-2015 9:22 PM
What are some healthy ways to cope and move on from regrets?
Take a step back from the situation and re-evaluate the reason as to why you regret this thing. For my regret I mentioned, when I stepped back, I realised that although he was a great friend and always there for me, our beliefs were different and although we had some core values that overlapped, I believe there wasn't enough of an overlap for a lasting relationship.
originally posted on 25-05-2015 9:21 PM
What are some healthy ways to cope and move on from regrets?1. Remind yourself that you can't change the past but you can change the future.
2. If you did something you feel was embarrassing, tell yourself the odds of others remembering as super little. I mean how many time do we look at a person and only think of the things they did that was 'embarrassing' or 'weird' ? Basically never right?
3. Review your actions and thought process and question why you felt a certain way? SELF TALK DOES WONDERS PEOPLE 🙂
originally posted on 25-05-2015 9:26 PM
@sunflowers5 haha yes it does... and absolutely, for the most part, people are predominantely concerned with themselves. Often, when it comes to image, others don't care or remember how others present themselves.
Therefore, I now go to uni with horrible bed head and trackies at least 90% of the time. Go me!
originally posted on 25-05-2015 9:30 PM
@tsnyder YES! You legend! haha Thats awesome, I now just go in leggings, comfy top and hair (whatever its feeling on the day)..originally posted on 25-05-2015 9:32 PM
haha @sunflowers5 I'm glad you go in hair! Honestly though, you are a stylish individual! I struggle
originally posted on 25-05-2015 9:35 PM
Im sure you do just fine 😄 Probably even better because your hair doesn't become a frizz ball some days haha! @tsnyder .. either way, good on us for dressing to impress us (comfort wise haha) 😄originally posted on 25-05-2015 9:24 PM
@sunflowers5 that's some really awesome positive adivce!
Also something i've noticed from @N1ghtW1ng is the importance of forgiving ourselves. Possibly the faster we forgive ourselves the faster we can move on?
originally posted on 25-05-2015 9:25 PM
sorry i have to go, feeling really off and having a bad night. thanks everyone.originally posted on 25-05-2015 9:27 PM
@j95 thanks for your time tonight. hope everything is okay!
originally posted on 25-05-2015 9:27 PM
No problem @j95, be sure to look after yourself. It was great to have you, see you around the forums
originally posted on 25-05-2015 9:25 PM
@NutellaBuster thanks 😄 Positive reinforcement is always a good comforter haha!
