[Chat] Forever alone :(
Loneliness sucks.
Challenging loneliness can be super tough and sometimes it can feel like you'll be forever alone.
If you have ever felt loneliness or are just not sure what would help, then this is the chat for you!
On Monday the 12th September at 8:00pm AEST we'll all jump online at the same time to talk about loneliness- and what to do about it!
Click reply to this post right now to tell us what you'd like to explore with us 🙂
i think that remembering that feeling lonely from time to time is normal and common can help me feel less... alone in the feeling. excuse the choice of words haha.
loneliness is pretty common from what i gather during tonights GR, so for me, to know that feeling lonely is a shared emotion makes me feel a little bit more able to sit with the feeling. it might not make the feeling pass, but is reassuring to know that others can understand the feeling i am experiencing sometimes.
also, for anyone who reads this and may be feeling lonely, i think this GR has shown that we users on RO can relate to the concept of loneliness, so im definitely going to start here if i feel lonely in the future.
@FootyFan26 I'd say that's a pretty common thought to have - opening up and saying that you feel lonely out loud can be scary and intimidating, especially if you're a pretty independent person. That's very cool of that person to provide you with a space to talk if you need it - what could make it easier to talk do you think?
@roseisnotaplant good on you for being such a supportive friend! Knowing what to say can be really, really tricky sometimes.
What does everyone think of chatting to others in your lives about the feeling of loneliness? Do you have someone you chat to, or have you had experience practising this before?
Funy you should bring this up @Craycray17, I’ve had a lot of conversations with friends about loneliness lately! My main takeaway has been that sometimes it’s hard to make time to see friends when we are busy with study or working long hours, and that almost everybody feels this way at some point.
But approaching that initial conversation can be hard, so I'm super interested to read everyone's thoughts on this one!
@Ben-RO wow awesome response! Close friendships take time to form, and it's okay not to form connections with every person that you meet, or fit in with every single group. There's a thing in psychology called the Mere Exposure Effect, which basically says that we prefer people/things that we see a lot of the time. So simply joining a club or volunteering on a regular basis (or simply saying hi and sitting next to someone in a weekly tutorial class like @Craycray17 mentioned) can help to increase social connected-ness 
If I'm in a group and I feel lonely sometimes I take 5 minutes out, have a breather, and then come back, it doesn't really fix the lonely feeling but it sort of stops some of the bad thoughts from escalating.
If I'm at home by myself and I feel lonely I sometimes like to make use of that time I am alone, maybe I'll get to watch tv in the lounge room without anyone bothering me or I can play some loud music while I cook. Or I might message someone and let them know I'm looking for someone to talk to.
Hey @FootyFan26 great to chat to you again! Thinking about future social experiences is a great strategy and a reminder that we are perhaps not as isolated as our brains are tricking us to feel.
What are some activities that have worked for you in the past when you have felt lonely?
@Craycray17 completely agree with your answer to this question! Somehow you've put all of my thoughts into awesome and insightful words...! It can be so easy to get stuck in certain thought patterns, so focusing on external stuff can be really helpful.
Sending a text/Facebook message to someone can be really powerful. Just recently, I have reached out to organise a dinner with a whole bunch of school friends that I had kind of lost contact with - by the sounds, some of my friends had been feeling isolated too, but unsure how to reconnect with the group (especially after quite a long time).
I also try to engage myself in hobbies like reading and knitting, or watching TV – these help me to feel productive, and give you something to talk about with friends. After I started knitting, I discovered this was a common interest with a friend that I had known for years!
@DruidChild nice one! Let me know how you go that's really cool how you focus on external things when you're feeling lonely too.
@j95 no stress - hope everything gets resolved quickly
@roseisnotaplant what podcasts do you listen to?
@khaleesi_18 Mostly Dear Hank and John, which is a weekly comedy podcast by Hank and John Green. It's pretty fun.
@Craycray17 I've never the thought of it as mindfulness before, but I guess that's what it is! Tea is brilliant for loneliness 
@roseisnotaplant Podcasts are so cool. My favourite one is Welcome to NightVale 🙂
@FootyFan26 That sounds like it 🙂
@DruidChild I've heard of Welcome to NightVale before, should I try it?
It sounds like while alone time can be relaxing and beneficial, too much can result in feeling lonely. We might have days where we would prefer to have company... or not so much. Which is all totally normal and okay!
Next question time:
@roseisnotaplant I can relate to your bus chill out time - I really value my commute on PT sometimes, because I can listen to music, have a hot drink and settle into my morning before work bus rides are fantastic opportunities to practice mindfulness too
@roseisnotaplant @khaleesi_18 I catch so many buses, I'll have to try some mindfulness on my commute next time 🙂
Can you be alone without feeling lonely?
Absolutely. It’s more than okay to enjoy your own company – sometimes I like chilling out by myself because it helps me to feel recharged.
Sorry everyone I'm having so technical difficulties so I'll have to leave for a bit
@Craycray17 that's a really powerful picture - I like it! Partially why I like GR seshs actually
Can you be with people and still feel lonely?
I definitely think you can, and I think @Ben-RO raised an interesting point about social isolation. Sometimes it can seem like the people you are hanging out with have closer relationships with each other than you do with them, which can only amplify any feelings of loneliness that we might be having. It's also pretty reassuring to know that (from this thread so far) feeling lonely around other people is super common!
How do you stop yourself from talking to ex because you're lonely?
