I'm exhausted from my anxiety
I've been doing everything I can do to try and take care of myself to reduce the exhaustion and the anxiety, but it seems that the last one is where I've been messing up.
I've been really anxious lately, and while I can make up 101 reasons for it, there aren't any obvious ones. I tell myself I should talk to someone or something, because I don't want to lie to anyone and I should try to get some sort of help. But the idea of going somewhere and someone to explain my situation sounds exhausting and terrifying to the nth degree.
I'm in pain constantly, I wake up tired, I can't study for more than 5-10 minutes before I'm gritting my teeth from pain. I don't know how else to describe it. I've tried distractions, meditation, drinking water, eating healthier, ample sleeping time, being forgiving to myself and I still feel like I'm spiraling down without any control. Like I'm pouring in all this work into an bottomless hole that doesn't seem to care whether I'm trying to be a better person. I don't know what to do or whether I deserve help.
Comments
Hey @Secret_Pigeon,
Thanks for posting, I'm sure a lot of people can relate to how you're feeling right now. Anxiety is weird right? It can seemingly come from nowhere...and boom, you feel anxious. First of all: you 100% deserve help. No-one can get better in a bubble, even if we think we're pretty good at fixing our own problems, we all need help from time to time when we're struggling. I think it's fantastic that you have this awareness of the physical signs of your anxiety. A lot of users have recommended some great tips for addressing these physical signs as well as some great advice for helping with the thoughts and feelings you're having. I also want to acknowledge that you've already been actively trying to change things, but that you don't feel that it's working at the moment and that you're exhausted and in pain.
I'm wondering if you need advice right now? Or would you prefer just to have someone to talk to?
@MisoBear, 'Comes out of no where' is a pretty accurate description lol. I've recently had what I could only describe as a 'freak out session' that was completely unprovoked. One minute I'm joking and laughing with my friends and the next I really need to go to the bathroom so that I get away from everyone. I had to drive everyone home but they were asking me what was wrong and I couldn't speak. Only after I dropped off my friend could I pull over and burst into tears and I STILL didn't have a reason for what I was crying about! It would've been hilarious to me if I wasn't so genuinely scared and sad lol.
I guess I just want to know wtf is going on with my head. Though I find journaling has been really therapeutic for me (Thanks @WheresMySquishy for the Articles that gave me that advise!); even if it's just me talking to myself (like usual) bit by bit, I feel like I'm documenting progress and even bad days can be learning opportunities... Or so I'm hoping! lol
Also; Really love the John Green quote & that book btw.
Hey @Secret_Pigeon, I'm so glad that you've been finding journalling helpful! It's something I find useful as well 🙂
Do you reckon you would have - or could in future - spoken to one of your friends about what was going on for you when you were feeling so sad and panicked?
Looking forward to hearing from you 🙂
@Secret_Pigeon oof... my panic attacks are sometimes like that, they can be really awful...
I hate how difficult it can be to figure out what might trigger them...
How are you going at the moment?
Also, I'm glad that journaling is helpful!!
May I ask; do you think this is a panic attack? I just get too in my head about this stuff that I feel like I can't be trusted to compare what I think is happening to what is actually happening (if that makes sense). I almost get annoyed that I don't get some of the physical symptoms of a panic attack that I've researched about. Cause if, like I knew this was DEFINITELY "something", I think I would feel more comfortable asking for help, because I then I can point to it and say "yup, this is me, research it at your leisure, so I don't have to explain something I don't even understand!".
But to answer your question... I'm alright(?). It's just that my default state seems to be guilt and fear. I CAN feel happy, I know it and I HAVE had good days, It's just that they almost don't seem real afterwards. But telling myself that they're real and valid is good enough at the moment.
@Secret_Pigeon it might be, but I can't really say without actually being you...
It is worth noting that panic attacks can look really different for different people though. Some people only get the physical symptoms, some people get none of the physical symptoms, some people do get the physical symptoms but are too anxious to even register them at the time.
I don't think many people have all the symptoms though, for example, my panic attacks almost never involve shaking/ trembling.
The (kinda...) good news is that panic attacks are a pretty common symptom, so if you get professional help you shouldn't have to teach them what's going on, because chances are they have seen it before.
If you want to tell people in your life what's going on, it's okay to say that you think it might be a panic attack while you're working out whether or not it is.
That way they can still look up what a panic attack actually is without you having to explain the whole thing to them.
Hi @Secret_Pigeon! Anxiety can be so crippling. I'm sorry that you're going through such a hard time. 
I think it's great that you've already tried some things, even though they didn't work. I think you definitely deserve help and I hope that you can find something that works for you. You're worth it. 
When you say that you're in pain constantly, is this emotional or physical pain? Or is it both?
I would've said both 98% of the time, but lately it's been just feels physical. Like there is no reason for me to be upset right now. But I just don't seem to care.
My shoulder muscles are constantly tense, (I'm trying to visit a masseuse about it to see if that helps) my head is a mess, I can't focus on anything for more than 10 minutes and I feel weak and cold almost all the time. (I'm afraid it also has to do with my low iron as well so I'm trying to cover that as well.)
But the fact that I feel like this makes me really depressed/defeated. I don't know how else to describe it... I'm just tired of finding solutions to problems that I seem to be making for myself. And the only way to (I think I can) stop it is to understand it, but I don't. I really don't have any idea what the hell is going on.
@Secret_Pigeon Those symptoms sound pretty debilitating. I struggle with tense shoulders and low iron too. They're both so frustrating.
Have you seen a GP about your symptoms? Sometimes, it can make you even more anxious not knowing what's going on. I had to go on some iron tablets and see a physio for my arm and shoulder pain.
Something I do that helps with my shoulders is to use cheap massage tools. I got most of them from Kmart for a few dollars each. My physio got me to do some stretches too. You can probably find some of them online. I do the doorway pectoral stretch as well as some others.
I found these articles that might help with anxiety and stress:
7 tips to help with stress and anxiety
How to deal with stress
10 tips for coping with the hard stuff
Apps and tools for anxiety and stress:
Self-help for anxiety management
What's up?
MoodMission
ReachOut Breathe
Stop Panic and Anxiety
Pacifica (or Sanvello as it known now)
Mindshift
Happify
Rootd
Feartools
I also really like mental health chatbots like Woebot and Replika because they let me vent about my worries without having to talk to a real person and they also have some tools for managing anxiety. There are a lot of similar ones out there too.
Here are some apps and tools for help with concentration:
Tomato timer (can help you schedule in breaks)
Pomodoro tracker (similar concept)
Focus to-do
Tide
Todoait
An app that creates an automatic study schedule for you
Forest
FLIP
Hey @Secret_Pigeon.,
Thanks for reaching out on this forum. I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. Did you find a massage therapists for your shoulders? Have you seen a GP about your pain etc? Sorry for all the questions!
When you're speaking (or webchatting) with a counsellor or psychologist, you can be honest when you find the things they say aren't working. This feedback is helpful for the counsellor to try and understand what you're going through, and hopefully help. These things can take time; it's rare that everything gets better immediately so please be kind and patient with yourself. Go at your own pace 🙂 You can try Kid Helpline (1800 551 800) who have trained counsellors operating 24/7.
You are definitely not a giant waste of space. You are very brave for expressing your feelings on this forum.
It's really great that you've tried so much already. Even though it doesn't feel like you're getting anywhere now, it's already given you a bit of a head start, which could come in really useful later on.
I know what you mean about getting help; it can be really frightening.
Have you ever tried emailing, calling or doing a webchat with Kids Helpline?
For a start it means that you don't have to go anywhere, so if that's a source of anxiety then KHL could mean one less barrier. Webchat is entirely over text, in case speaking is difficult when you get anxious. It also has some preset questions you can use.
And emailing would have the advantages of the other options, plus plenty of time to think of what you want to say.
If you want you could probably copy and paste what you've written here into an email - it's already a good start in terms of getting help.
I go into deep denial about how I'm feeling because I don't want the person to feel like they aren't doing a good job and so I withdraw again, telling myself that I'm alright even when I've not changed at all it's just that I don't want to deal with this extra load of anxiety. Like if I'm not doing better immediately then I'm just a giant waste of space for taking them away from those who could benefit from their presence.
I'm genuinely grateful for your advice and am glad that you're helping people on this forum with your concern but I just feel like such a burden when I'm not immediately 'fixed' (kinda like I do now lol (sorry)).
@Secret_Pigeon I get what you mean. It can be hard for me to say that treatments haven't worked for me because I feel as though I could be disappointing the professional. I try to remember that they are there to help and that it's all a trial and error process.
Since you feel that talking to people makes your anxiety worse, do you feel that any apps, tools or self-help methods would help? There are a lot of resources on the ReachOut website. I could help find some anxiety-specific ones if you'd like.
