Mental Health Help
I find it hard to communicate with my psychiatrist about how I am really coping day to day.
Living rurally, I see my psychiatrist via video chat at the Drs office.
Recently I've been experiencing more mental health symptoms, more frequently and they're impacting me more than usual.
I never really felt like I've found a treatment which has been the one, with all the treatment I've tried and the continual therapy I've still felt like the depression still has a firm grip on me. I haven't felt free from it since it came to stay.
I guess I'm looking for some support around how to verbalize things to my psychiatrist via video. I find it easier to communicate with my psychologist as I've known her longer and I'm able to email stuff through or show her stuff I've written down. But I don't have access to those methods with the psychiatrist. I also don't have anyone who I can confidently bring into the appointment with me to act as a voice to read prewritten stuff if I can't. Every appointment with the psychiatrist I feel like I'm losing more hope of being free from the tight grips of mental illness. I somehow manage to say less, engage less and still manage to let her think I'm doing okay. When in reality I leave and I cry as soon as I get to my car because I feel so trapped by mental illness.
@Bee I hope things have been travelling along okay for you in the last few days, it sounds like you've received some helpful comments.
you've shown a lot strength by putting your story out there and seeking some support during a really hard time.
Sending you my best wishes going forward 🙂
Hi @Bee! I'm sorry that you're experiencing some more mental health symptoms and that your treatments haven't been completely successful so far. I know that you can get through this with the right support. 
I have been trying to think of ways you can talk to your psychiatrist. If you don't mind your GP looking at your notes, you could write or print out some of the things you want your psychiatrist to know and ask them to fax or pass them onto your psychiatrist. I've done this once.
Are you able to use any internet-based methods to communicate or show your psychiatrist? You could ask if you could set up a record of your files on Google Drive or Google Keep that they can access. I'm sure there are lots of other apps or services you could use as well.
Would writing down some key words or topics on palm cards for when you speak to your psychiatrist help?
@Bee I've been in a really similar situation, I know how you feel.
It might be worth looking a bit at why you feel like you can't open up to her.
Is it something that you do with most professionals you see, or does she herself not seem to work with you that much?
Are your psychologist and psychiatrist working together to help you?
And if so, might your psychologist be able to email your psychiatrist on your behalf?
I have one psychologist who I trust, and if I'm struggling to tell another doctor something important, she'll occasionally send an email (with my permission).
I don't think that it's unusual for professionals to coordinate support like that, so it might be worth asking your psychologist about.
One other option might be recording yourself saying what you need to say, and playing it back to your psychiatrist .
It'll probably be a bit harder than writing it down, but also easier than coming up with and saying the words in the moment.
You could also try writing something that would be easy to read over video chat and show her that.
Even just something like "I'm not okay."
That might at least let her know that there's something she needs to look into.
One thing that I do with professionals I'm still getting used to is to ask them to start off with questions that can be answered with a yes or no.
That way if you can't speak, you can just nod or shake your head and there's a lot less pressure, and then you can choose whether or not to say anything else.
@Tiny_leaf thank you for responding. I struggle to talk about personal things with most health professionals, I usually find it easier as time goes on but it's still so damn hard with the psychiatrist. But even my gp and psychologist the hardest stuff I still write down, it's too much for me to verbally say what's going on.
There's no communication between them. My psychologist did email her once before but my psychiatrist didn't see it before the appt and then never said anything the apt afterwards. So that doesn't work. Its also hard because it's 3 separate places and only 2 of them have receptionists.
I can't record myself. Saying it allowed is half the problem 😞
I feel like asking her to use more yes/no answer questions would be going backwards,xas shes been trying to get me to open up more...
I could try starting the session off by saying i haven't been ok.
The strategies with my psych have developed over time. It took me a long time before I decided to try and show her something I'd written either by email or in session. And sometimes it's still so hard that I can't show her in session and I end up in anxiety attacks or I completely freeze and disassociate..
I don't exactly know what the barrier is Jess. And I don't exactly know how to start to find the barrier.
@WheresMySquishy I don't think the psychiatrist would get the mots, we tried with an email previously from my psychologist and it never came up. When I first asked her she had no idea and it was sent before the appointment.
I haven't heard of google keep or using technology in that way. I can try and ask 🤷♀️
I usually have stuff written in my phone but it never makes it into the apt. I get anxious and lost and feel too scared? Vulnerable? Afraid? To speak what I've written, let alone share... eh idk
Hi @Bee the fact that you have things written in your phone is a really great first step. It says to me that even though vocalising the thoughts is hard right now, you still are clear what is going on for you and can put them into words. That is not an easy thing to do and shows so much self awareness- very big step
It sounds like you spent quite a bit of time building rapport with your psychologist first before finding a strategy that works- that is okay too! It is okay to take your time
One thing that I used to use when I was working in services with young people who wanted to feel more confident to self advocate was a Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP). Basically it was a document we worked through together to record all the things that the young person wanted their professional to know about them, and when they first started working with someone new, they would print it up and hand it to the professional to put with their notes so they would have a background to what the individual needed from therapy. It has a structure and is really wellbeing/recovery focused. At the moment this might not be helpful, but down the track when you have more rapport with your professionals, could be a useful tool?
@Jess1-RO I LOVE the idea of the WRAP. I wish that I had something similar when accessing services, it would have been so much easier and would have saved a lot of trouble.
Oh @Bee, trying to tell professionals how you're feeling is so hard! Having been in a similar situation before, my heart goes out to you.
As @Jess1-RO has said, it's so good that you have put the points into your phone. Whilst email is not available as an option, but would you be able to write something down to "bring" to your appointment? I understand that this doesn't replace speaking completely, but I'm thinking it might be a way to help break down that barrier. What do you think?
*Hugs*
Edit: I forgot that you have your appointments via telehealth, whoops. The concept is still the same though; depending on the technology you might be able to "share your screen"?
Hey @Bee this sounds really tough, thanks for reaching out. Opening up about such personal feelings can be incredibly difficult. Especially if you have to explain your feelings or tell your story so many times to different support people 😞
I really related to what you said about having stuff written in your phone that never makes it to the apt. I usually use my phone notes to guide my psych appointments but it is really hard to verbalise some things. I'm wondering if talking to your psychiatrist about this process could help (ie explaining that there are some things you want to bring up but you are feeling it is really hard to talk about them and you are worried about anxiety attacks, freezing or dissociating)? Could this open up a conversation about how you've been feeling? Or possibly printing out your notes and giving her the paper to read? [just noticed that @WheresMySquishy suggested this too]
I think starting the appointment by saying you haven't been okay sounds like a really good idea, is that something you think you could try in the next appointment?
I guess I could try to bring up that there are things I want to talk about but find it really hard to do so.
I can't hand her notes or anything as I see her via video which is in the Drs office on a shared computer, so I wouldn't even want to type in the chatbox as that could probably be read by others at another point as it's the centre's account.
I am going to try it next appointment, which is still a couple of weeks away (It feels like forever!)
@Jess1-RO Sometimes words are easier to write than say.
I have, I've been seeing my psychologist for about 2 years now, she's great.
The Wellness Recovery Action Plan sounds like a great idea! I can see it being a great help. I might do a bit of research about it and see 🙂 (although a big part of that feels so daunting, to be honest..)
Thanks for the support @mrmusic
I bring them to the appointment, it's just a hard space being via telehealth. I addressed that above (kinda) as it's a shared computer, I wouldn't be comfortable writing anything in the chatbox, nor would I have time to be able to open something and share the screen.
Part of me wonders why I'm struggling to talk? Connect? with the psychiatrist. Is it because it's via video link? Because it's centred around me?! Or is it because I'm just unwell? Could I be connecting to a decent level, where they can help me, but I don't realise?
With my psychologist (and her help) I've been able to identify why I struggle to be present and engaged in the session; sometimes it's because I'm not ready to cover the topic, or there's underlying stuff we need to address first. My psychologist has been so patient with me, and so very understanding. And I guess since I've been seeing her, I've seen a few different psychiatrists, and there for a while I wasn't seeing anyone as I was essentially dropped by one person. Could this fact be making me unconsciously not getting "too attached" incase a sudden leave happens again?!
Sometimes I wonder if I'm so used to mental health symptoms controlling my life, being so prominent that I've managed to blur or forget where the line is that determines normal mental health to mental illness. Mental illness has always been part of my life (my mother as a child, and myself since a teen) and I wonder if maybe I am actually improving but that I'm unable to see it? I'm usually quite aware of how I'm feeling and so sometimes I wonder what is normal and what is actually mental illness. (Does that even make sense?)
Hi @Bee
I have just been catching up on this conversation. I agree with everyone in that you have been working so hard to come up with different thoughtful strategies to help in this situation which is so brave.
I really like some of the suggestions that have been coming through especially the Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP). I know what you mean about how researching and implementing the WRAP could feel a bit daunting. I wonder if you could discuss it with your Psychologist, they might be able to do the research with you?
I can relate to not being able to see progress, it is really important to take time to reflect. From reading what you have discussed here, you have spoken about progress so much, like building a strong relationship with your psychologist and all the strategies you have put in place
I know I've made progress from where I was when I first saw my psychologist and say a year ago. But then in other aspects I haven't. Like somethings have remained the same, while others have changed. So I guess that's where sometimes I feel like there's limited progress. (I also notice that somedays I'm unable to see my progress, but some days I am)
@Bee I think that's a really common issue. I remember having similar experiences with my psychologist. It's great that you're able to acknowledge and reflect on your progress. I think everyone has days where it's hard to tell if anything is working and days where they feel better.
Would it help to have a physical tracker of your progress such as a diary? I know a lot of people like to be able to see what has changed or improved, and what hasn't. That could help with identifying the areas you'd like to work on with your team.
Thank you @reach804 (and welcome to the builder program!)
@Bee To be honest, journalling doesn't work particularly well for me either, for very similar reasons. Building that self-awareness is so difficult, and this is something I'm trying to do for myself (and don't do very well). Having said that, being able to identify that you are progressing in certain areas is actually pretty inspiring. I hope you're giving yourself the credit you deserve for that.
I've just been wondering whether the psychiatrist's approach is a factor here? Sometimes the approach used by a professional does not suit the client's situation/personality/character etc. This isn't to apportion blame for any of this onto anybody, but it is something worth pondering. I struggle with talking to professionals as well, and I haven't come close to breaking some of these barriers down. So I don't know how much help I can be with this situation. But just know you're not alone.
Honestly, I struggle with giving myself credit for things. My psychologist is encouraging me to do it more. I'm trying - it feels so weird!
I've thought about this question since I read it in my inbox. At first thought, I didn't know whether the psychiatrists' approach was a factor or not. I don't have feelings one way or the other.
But a couple of the things she said the last appointment (Tuesday) annoyed me. I won't go into them now as they are still a bit raw and I'd like to process them privately first.
But this is still a "wait and see thing". I've been seeing her now for quite a while, and I still don't have any real opinion. Which is also weird for me, because with my current GP and my psychologist I knew in that first appointment they were the person I wanted to continue seeing. (shrugs)
@scared01 thank you for checking in. I'm about the same. Taking it one day at a time. Trying not to think too much about anything stressful/into the future.
I saw the psychiatrist yesterday. I was able to say a couple of things that I wanted, but I wasn't able to go into depth to give more information. Partly because I wasn't able to come out with it straight away, and partly because she didn't probe me for the information. We have decided to look at adding another medication, so I was meant to see her again in two weeks, but the closest I could get was 5 weeks (shrug), so took that and put my name on the cancelation list. I'm in two minds about another medication, but I've got time to think about it etc.
sometimes all that we can do is take it day by day.
i hear you on the medications, sometimes we dont really know what is best but adding/not adding is also your decision. for me ive decided that i dont want to go back on any more medication unless i really have to or feel that i need to
It is a hard one for sure. I know ultimately I need something else, either a different medication or an add on. With anxiety increasing and really hammering at me, and not being able to quieten it despite all the rationalizing and attempts at self-compassion, I'm exhausted by it. It's exhausting to live through and not through toddler tantrums because I am struggling to cope in the supermarket because there are too many people or because it's too loud. The other thing is the anxiety is absolutely hammering me at work; I've been there 6 months now (yay) and I still get incredibly anxious to ask a question or make a mistake. I even feel incredibly bad when a mistake has been found, and even if my manager says she made the same mistake part of me still feels inadequate. Some of this my psychologist has said is quite possibly due to past trauma with another workplace, and some of it I know is yet another indicator of my low confidence and self-esteem.
sorry to hear about your anxiety lately. I do hope that settles down soon. your right anxiety can be so exhausting and tiring even when we do self care etc.
do you think the more time your at work the better your anxiety will become? would it be worth speaking to your manager about your experiences previously and what is making you nervous?
Hey there @Bee
It's not nice to hear that you've been getting hammered by anxiety. It's something that can really wear you down and take up so much energy - so I hope you're doing things to preserve yourself even if it's something small. Do you feel like you could speak to someone at your workplace about what you're feeling?
@scared01 soomethings ARE getting better with time. Like I'm able to ask the business managers for assistance with an invoice (instead of always and only asking my manager) and I'm getting used to the idea that I'll have to make phonecalls to customers for a couple different reasons. This is hard because I'm asking for info. Yet I have no drama answering the phone when it rings. But I notice there are times I ring and afterwards go "that wasn't a complete mess of a call". I do notice that I am a LOT more comfortable making those calls when I am alone in the office. I feel like when there is someone else in the room that I am being listened to and monitored every single second. (Stupid anxiety!)
As I was saying above, I'm choosing to keep clear boundaries with my work colleagues. I engage with conversation but I guess I'm scared of getting too close and either not being liked or something. Where as professional me has a mutual respect with colleagues and that works well.
This last week has been okay. I've had a mix of both time alone and time with both my manager and other office colleague (we usually only overlap by 1.5-2hrs. And mostly I'm in a different room for that time) I've made a couple calls to customers. I've gotten most of my work done already. And have a clear plan for tomorrow. One thing that is helping is that my work is similar each week. So the surprises and issues I do get are what keeps me engaged and focused. But the similarity in each week and routine of work is helping ease the anxiety of getting into work, its now just getting through the random anxiety that pops up unexpectedly.
(I feel like I've rambled a lot here)
Hey @Bee
I totally get that - it take awhile to adjust to a positive workplace if you haven't always been in one. It's good to hear that it is a positive workplace though - in time I'm sure it will get progressively easier. Despite the anxiety are you enjoying your role?
@Bee it's great how self reflective you are being, even with the things that you find difficult and you are right to acknowledge your progress. It's totally normal to have days where you feel the progress more than others and sometimes it's about trusting the process and ourselves that we are doing the best we can on that particular day and knowing we can reach out for help if we are struggling!
