I've had enough
I have had enough. This is probably the last topic I want to do. I've had enough of people telling me what to do and how I should live my life. If I care about people, then why should I be told not to? I don't feel "triggered" or "upset" anymore. I have been at work today and I have gone back into my regular illness that puts me in hospital almost every time- blood tests, MRI's, CT scans and even blood transfusions. I don't know what's wrong with me exactly because I am not a doctor. I just want to stay home and sleep, instead of waking up to find a tube sticking out of my arm.
I have had enough of the bullying. I want it to end now. School is tomorrow and I am going to have more rape and death threats from other kids in year 7, 8 and 9. I am only 12. Why am I even noticed by these kids? I should be invisible, like it was at the start of the year- when no one cared about me. But now that my appearance has been a little altered by wearing make-up and dying my hair, kids notice me and pick on me. I have arguments with my mum everyday about it.
We bought 2 little baby chickens 2 days ago. The smallest died overnight. I cried. The next day we replace it with another one. I loved it with all my heart- it treated me like I was it's mother by snuggling against my chest and sleeping for hours. The next day (today) I found it half dead- dying. Later today it died in my arms. I cried. I went to work and had to pretend I was happy when I wasn't at all. Now we have another one. 2 chicks now. I don't want to go through this again. I feel like it's my fault they're dead. The first died of hypothermia. The second one died the day after my dog pulled their cage down and the chick (Sandy) was stuck underneath. We buried them both today.
I just want to talk to someone like @Bree-RO. But I am just going to put it out there, I am NOT contacting another helpline or website. So please don't ask me. I just want some comfort.
Thanks for helping me with other things @letitgo, @Anna-RO, @j95, @MemphisBelle, @scared01, @lokifish, @Bree-RO and all the others who have comforted and given advice to me.
Hey @mlang166, first off thank you so much for sharing this story with us. You are so good at writing. I am so sorry to hear about your baby chicks 😞 This is very sad. I rescued two little birds last year and they also died because I couldn't keep them warm enough. I know how hard it is, but those little chicks were so valued by you, and loved before the end of their life. You did that! Which is amazing 🙂
The reason it's so important for you to phone/webchat Kids Helpline is because they are the best service for you when you're feeling down. They're super qualified and it's a safe space to chat about everything you are going through. We definitely want to be there to listen and support you through some of these challenges, however you are not quite old enough for the RO forums, and the main concern here is the content in the tough times section can be quite confronting and upsetting (even for some of the older members). You are definitely super strong, and I reckon you are an awesome help! But we're concerned you are going to read some stuff that may worry you further, which is why Wellbeing and Hangout is probably a better space until you're a little bit older. Does this make sense at all? 
Sorry to hear a lot of this. That is genuinely an awful thing to go through
School is awful, do you have a group? Is there a quiet section of the library to sit in?
For now definitely let's stay in this thread or wellbeing and hangout 🙂 @mlang166 Just to make sure you're okay, at RO we do have a duty of care and your wellbeing is very important.
I have not heard of this email arrangement with Kids Helpline. Can you tell me more about that? Do you have a counsellor you see either at school or outside of school?
Hey @mlang166 I am sorry that your counsellor makes you uncomfortable. I think it is really important to find a teacher you trust and see if you can get some further support, let someone know about what you're going through. Would you be able to do that?
Just a heads up, at ReachOut we are pro LGBTQI, gay rights is a very important issue to young people, so it’s important to us. While we can talk about how your counsellor being gay makes you uncomfortable, we can not bag out or put down anyone who identifies as gay. In fact a lot of our forum members identify as gay, bisexual, trans, lesbian etc.. 🙂 Speak soon.
hi @mlang166
you said your 12, im not sure of your working arrangement but when working in an actual workplace you have to be almost 15 to be able to work there so can you explain this abit more please?
KHL. ive used them quite a few times and are often good, if your not comfortable with that counsellor it is ok to change. id reccommend going on chat or emailling a separate email through rather than continuing on the conversation explaing that you would like support but you would like another counsellor. its is a free service, you can send more than 6 emails however its tricky over email as it can be a delayed response rather than getting the help you need in the moment.
im wondering if you could actually ask your parent what the condition it is that you have and have them explain it to you. not knowing is scary but sometimes when it is explained to you then it can make it less daunting and be able to understand what is happening to you.
can you talk to your parents about the bullying? teachers? peer supporter? bullying is not on and neither is threats of rape. that is not on at all and isnt a joking matter at all esp to those who have experienced that. it still doesnt make it right to threaten either. it is important to speak up, please dont be afraid to do so.
ill start with that for now
You're right it is good everyone is different. I understand 🙂 Thanks for explaining. Did you want to talk about what's been going on for you? @mlang166
@mlang166 I think it's really important to seek out a teacher/grown up you trust. Even if you feel it's risky, it's important you have some kind of support. Could you explain to the teacher that you're nervous to open up? It's pretty late too, so sleep might be a good move soon. What do you think?
The illness sounds tough @mlang166 and I am so sorry about the little chicks. They were so loved by you, they were very lucky to have you in the short time they did live
If not a teacher what about someone from the church? Could you try listening to some relaxing music for now, and get some rest? I think it would be really good for you to sleep, late night can be a stressful time to think about big things like this.
Hi @mlang166 I am sorry to hear about these troublemakers today. It's great that you spoke to your Mum, does Mum know the kind of things these older kids are saying to you?
Your stomach sounds sore 😞 What do you think has caused this? Did you manage to confide in a teacher or church member? Well done on staying in your thread. The wellbeing thread is also really good for some positive chats
Do you think mum would be up for a chat @mlang166? I was thinking about maybe seeing a psychologist outside of school? Your GP can get that organised if that's something you feel like trying out. 🙂
