Living with person who caused our trauma
Hi. I'm not sure what my assigned pseudonym is for these forums is, but we're in a tough situation. For those who don't know, we've got some kind of DID/OSDD and trauma. And we're still living with the person who caused a lot of our trauma. Our system has been becoming more aware of the impact this trauma has had on us, which has led to a lot of flashbacks and upset and angry alters. Our body has just turned 18 so we can leave if we really wanted to, but we don't know if we should. There's a youth refuge which we might be able to get to, but we don't know if they'd let us in or if our situation is serious enough for that, since we're no longer going through traumatic events (except in our flashbacks). We don't know what would be best for us or what we should do. Does anyone have any advice? It's really hard and I think some of us are starting to get suicidal again over this.
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[R] Bit of an update: last night I called the youth refuge to get their email address and sent them an email with some of our questions and an explanation of the situation. Unfortunately they don't have any vacancies at the moment, so if we do decide on leaving we'll either have to wait for a vacancy or find somewhere else.
Hey R - just thought I'd check in. It must be a lot to thinkiing about how to move out and its good that you're exploring options for how you can distance yourself from the trauma you've been through.
One suggestion I have would be to ask your psychologist about supported accommodation. That's when a youth worker will help you find your own apartment/sharehouse that is supported by a service. Sometimes youth refuges can be quite full on places to live and it sounds like you need a comfortable place to heal. Just a thought 🙂
Yeah, it is a lot to think about.
We're seeing our psychiatrist this afternoon so I could bring it up then. That's a good idea.
Not R; this is someone else. I don't think it got brought up at the psychiatrist's appointment.
With a bit of help from some of the other people in our system, I've got about 80% of a plan to get out of here if we needed to. It would involve the youth refuge though since we have a way of getting there.
Hey @SomeoneNADJS
Thats okay, perhaps you can bring it up with your psychiatrist in your next appointment? Well done for getting quite far into your plan, have you spoken directly to the Youth Refuge to see if they have bed there? Even if they are full at the moment they might be able to provide you with he number for somewhere else to try.
TOM-RO
[R] They didn’t have any vacancies when I contacted them the first time, and they said they couldn’t tell me if a vacancy came up.
They gave us some other numbers for other places, but I don’t know how we’d get to any of them, whereas the one we called we can get to via the metro and a bit of walking.
Our psychiatrist has said she doesn’t think moving out is a good idea since we don’t have a job and we’re still studying.
I don’t know what to do. I really want to leave but I don’t want to upset our mum. Plus I’m scared of what would happen if we actually went ahead with this.
I am sorry to hear that there are no vacanies and that this was a particularly easy refuge for you to get to @SomeoneNADJS. As you have mentioned, there are a lot of different things to consider. How do you feel about what your psychiatrist has said? And what are you scared of happening if you did go ahead with this?
We have another means of getting information about vacancies at that refuge, so we can use that info to find a time for us to get out.
I don't know how I feel about what she said. Apparently according to the person I emailed, they can help with organising school stuff, so hopefully it won't be too big of a problem.
I'm scared of how the body's mother would feel if we just disappeared. Or if she could somehow find us. She has a tracking app installed on our phone so she can see where we are at all times (it was intended to help her figure out if we'd left the house with suicidal intent). I want her to be okay if we leave, but I don;t think she would be. She'd be really upset.
I am glad to hear that you have got more information about what the refuge can help with. The more information you have the better. How do you think your um would react if you disappeared? Do you think there is a safe way you could tell her where you will be? It sounds like it's a really difficult position to be in. I'm not sure if this would be appropriate given I don't know much about your mum and your relationship to her, but I often find writing to be an easier way of getting out your thoughts to someone instead of having that difficult conversation if you feel like you wont be able to communicate what you need to in person. Have you thought of writing her a letter instead?
Let us know how are you going tonight 💛
RO-TOM
@TOM-RO I don't think she would react well, and I think the rest of the system would think the same. We're planning on writing her a note when we leave and sending her a text message when we make it to the refuge. Note when I say "when", I'm pretty confident we'll be leaving at some point.
Hey @SomeoneNADJS,
I'm not sure if you celebrate your body's birthday, but Happy Birthday if you do! 🥳
This sounds really rough and like there is a whole lot going on at the moment for you and the system. It would be really awful and painful to be living with the trauma the system has faced and still be living with someone who has caused this, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Deciding to move out is a big decision and it sounds like the system is thinking hard about what the best way forward might be, Would contacting the youth refuge to chat about what's been happening for you be an option? They might be able to give a bit more information on their service and how they could support you so the system could make an informed decision around this?
It is horrible that you have been having flashbacks recently, that must be really hard to manage. Has your psychologist been able to provide you with some support around this?
I'm also really sorry to hear that some system mates are becoming suicidal because of what has been going on lately, I'm going to send you an email now to check in on you 💜
I've responded to your email. Thank you for checking in. We do celebrate the body's birthday. The youth refuge doesn't seem to have an email address, but they have a phone number. I don't know when we'll get a chance to phone them to ask about this stuff. Our psychologist thinks that moving out is a bad idea because it's "avoiding and giving more power to the problem". They'll be leaving soon anyway so we'll be getting a new one.
Happy birthday @SomeoneNADJS! 🥳 I hope you are able to chat to the refuge soon. If their support is not appropriate, they may have some other ideas too. Overall, how do you (or other members of the system) feel about moving out? I moved out at a young age and I know just how difficult the decision was for me to make!
Just so you know, I have flicked another email your way 😀
[R] Thank you @Taylor-RO We feel a bit conflicted but a lot of us just want to be away from the person who caused our trauma. I'll take a look at your email.
