Sorting out self-talk
We tell ourselves a million different things every day, from, "it's too early to get up," to "Finding Dory is the best movie ever made." This dialogue we have with ourselves, or the voice of all our thoughts, is called self-talk, and it's a very, very powerful thing. The way we talk to ourselves can make us feel good or bad, and we can behave in helpful or unhelpful ways as a result.
Sorting out our self-talk and changing the conversation we have with ourselves from negative to positive can have a massive impact on our overall happiness. But often we're not conscious of our self-talk. It's just something that we do, without really thinking too much about it. The first step to changing self-talk is to become aware of it.
Are you aware of your own self-talk? How can you become more aware of it?
Can you think of an example from your life where you changed your self-talk for the better? How will you do that in the future?
Comments
@letitgo I agree, this is a really great thread!
Are you aware of your own self-talk? How can you become more aware of it?
I didn't become aware of my self-talk until a couple of weeks ago but now that I am I find it easier to catch myself doing it. It's easiest for me when I try to separate myself from my thoughts by deliberately thinking statements such as 'I am having the thought that I am worthless and stupid' versus 'I am worthless and stupid'. That way even if I believe in my self-talk I know that those are thoughts that I can sometimes question.
Can you think of an example from your life where you changed your self-talk for the better? How will you do that in the future?
I am still working on changing my self-talk for the better but something I have been making progress in is challenging my own negative self-talk. Whenever I catch myself in negative self-talk, I will ask myself: 'is this necessarily true? Would someone else e.g. a friend agree?' and 'is this helpful in helping me with my goals?' If the answer is no, I let the thought go and turn my attention to whatever else I'm doing.
Another thing I do is whenever I do notice myself having positive self-talk such as 'you have been working hard', 'you accomplished things today' I let myself bask in it for a moment. I just savour the nice feeling I get from the talk.
Thanks @DirtWitch!
I really like the idea of letting yourself enjoy the feelings associated with positive self-talk. Almost as though by prolonging that good feeling and rewarding the kindness you're showing yourself, you might be more likely to speak kindly to yourself in future.
what about here @j95? anything that stands out to you here that might help or makes sense for tonight?
let's start with - what's your self talk at the moment @j95? what can your thoughts be instead to yourself to help with your sadness?
We are all "freaks" or a bit off the normal in our own ways. Trust me I can relate to that one. Maybe that might be a good place to challenge some of your negative self talk about yourself? Instead of saying everyone thinks something bad about me.....what else could you say that others might see are positive in you?
I can start with your resilience and your perseverance to stick to your goals!
I agree that you are nice! That might be where we leave it for tonight @j95 I'll be logging off now. Speak to you next time - Sally
This thread is wonderful @letitgo, it's hugely important to get this down-pat as a strategy in life isn't it 🙂 Keen to hear everyone's thoughts on this one.
Are you aware of your own self-talk? How can you become more aware of it?
yes a friend once pointed out to me many years ago it was very negative, I constantly ask myself whether I would speak to a friend the way my inner dialogue was speaking to me.. (likely not!). This helps shift me back into a neutral gear and observe 🙂
Can you think of an example from your life where you changed your self-talk for the better? How will you do that in the future?
Yes - externalizing. I.e. if I do something silly/accidentally offend someone etc, it's simply something I did and learned from but not something I am.
Thanks @Bree-RO 
I agree on both those points. I have two younger cousins with whom I get along really well, and I often ask myself if I would talk to them so harshly, or if I would want them to talk to themselves in the negative patterns about which I talk about/to myself. It helps me to consider that they are learning from everything they see/hear me do, and in order to set a good example for them, I have to be kind to myself.
I love that means of reframing having done something silly/accidentally offended someone. That's something about which I often automatically beat myself up. I think I'm going to try that externalising technique from now on!
Are you aware of your own self-talk? How can you become more aware of it?
Often not enough I think! I would like to become more conscious of it, as I know often it is quite negative and catastrophises all the time.
Can you think of an example from your life where you changed your self-talk for the better? How will you do that in the future?
I've often tried to write little notes to myself to carry around with me reminding me of some positive thoughts I should try to have. However, I've never really had much success with that unfortunately.
Lately I have been trying to normalise my mistakes (Eg other people do that too!) and de-personalise other peoples actions/words and think of them as more of a reflection of them rather than me (Eg I'm sure they didn't mean to offend me or they probably say things like that to a lot of people and it's sad for them that some people won't like them because of it)
I'm not really sure how to approach it in the future - keen to hear other's suggestions or anything that has worked for you 🙂
