Wow... I'm sorry you have had to put up with that kind of treatment from your grandmother. 😞
Your car accident story kind of reminds me of something that happened with my grandma. My sister developed a serious illness a few years ago and my parents had to pay lots of money for disability aids and a lift so that she can safely go up and downstairs in our house because she can't walk. My grandma offered to contribute some of her money to go towards the costs, which my parents accepted. Later on, she started complaining that they took money from her and whining about all the things we were spending money on for my sister.
I really don't know what goes on in people's heads to make them act like this. My grandma just likes to go out of her way to make people's lives miserable. I know she has cognitive issues, but she has been like this all her life so it wasn't a sudden change. I don't know why she is so spiteful and jealous, when I can't think of a single thing we've done against her.

I've personally found setting boundaries with my grandma to be helpful. I've also spoken to my parents about how I feel. I hold a lot of resentment for them trying to force me to do things for her over the years because they had no plan for her care. They have enabled her behaviour by letting her do what she wants without consequence and catering to her demands to the detriment of everyone else over the years.
I think that just because someone is 'family', you don't have to risk your mental health by continuing to interact with them. Them being 'family' does not excuse toxic behaviour or give them the right to be abusive.
There are other online forums such as Raised by Narcissists I've looked at in the past. They have reminded me that I'm not alone and given me some ideas about how to go about setting boundaries.

There is something seriously wrong with the woman who is supposed to be my grandmother.

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