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Conflicted - Relationship Issues

I am 22 and have been with my BF for the past 4 years. For the last little while, I have felt as if we are growing apart and that I am the only one trying in the relationship. We live together, but we may as well just be housemates. Work and school have ben super busy so I have spent a bit of time away. But we hardly spoke during that time, it was like it didn't matter that I was gone. I have also started to really get an idea of what I want in my future...He is a lovely, sweet guy who I love dearly, but I don't know if I see a future with him anymore. He is my best friend and I don't want to hurt him, his family is like my family.

I don't know what to do...do I keep trying or do I walk away? 

 

 

Re: Conflicted - Relationship Issues

Hey @HoneyLemon welcome to RO and well done on seeking some peer support!

 

I was 22 when I first had these thoughts around my long term partner I lived with as well, super feeling for you. It can be a really tough decision especially when you still care for them and don't want them to hurt.

 

ReachOut has an awesome article here on how to strategise when approaching a break up. A bunch of the community could probably help you out as well with their own experiences. For me, the key thing is - is this relationship helping me to be the best version of myself? If you don't see a future with him, do you think it's a good idea to stay put?

Looking forward to hearing from you, I'll tag some other members too to provide some input Smiley Happy

@May_ @safari93 @scared01 @Asche

Re: Conflicted - Relationship Issues

Hey @HoneyLemon,

Have you asked yourself what you both really want? Perhaps you could talk to him and discuss this with him and see how he feels as you both might be feeling the same thing!

A question which might be useful would be if both of you feel like your needs are being met and/or if they're achievable with each other. What do you both believe fills the gap between a friendship and a relationship and whether it has changed over time. Is it possible to fill that gap or not and even more importantly, if you both want to fill that gap or not.

In my experience, communication would be a good thing to try. It's not a decision that necessarily needs to be rushed so you can try and find out more before you make a final decision. After all, you're here asking for advice so that's already a good first step!

Re: Conflicted - Relationship Issues

I like the idea of coming up with what "fills the gap" between friend/relatio! Well done @RevzZ

Re: Conflicted - Relationship Issues

Hey @HoneyLemon, I see that a few forum members have offered some support. How are you feeling today about that/your situation? Hope all is well!

// Spiral outward, keep going. //
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Re: Conflicted - Relationship Issues

Was in a similar situation too, not in the relationship as long as you were though. 

I just had to think about what would make me happy in the long run, and whether I saw that person by my side in the future.

All the best! 

Re: Conflicted - Relationship Issues

hi @HoneyLemon this sounds like a really awful situation to be in, I really feel for you. Have you tried talking to him about the situation and what he makes of it? Honestly, whether you keep trying or walk away, you just need to figure out which one would make you happier and be better for your personal well being, long term. 

Re: Conflicted - Relationship Issues

Thanks for the advice everyone. We talked and found out we feel the same. We decided to end it and are now just trying to figure out how to transition into the next phases of our lives. Still living together though for now.

Re: Conflicted - Relationship Issues

Hey @HoneyLemon well done on taking that giant step. Really brave and so proud you put your needs at the forefront. Are you practicing some self care during the break up? Time away with friends, walks etc?

Re: Conflicted - Relationship Issues

@HoneyLemon Do you think you two will be able to maintain the friendship? In my experience if you're able maintain the friendship it really helps the transition as you can mutually support each other through the process Smiley Happy