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Death scares me,

I'm 21 years young and get frequent anxiety attacks because of the fear of dying. I am healthy, there isnt anything wrong with me other than a few anxiety issues.

But i am a control freak, so not knowing when or how or what happens after we die really scares me.

I don't think I'll be able to grow old and be i guess comfortable with losing people along the way such as grandparents, parents, siblings...


What do you think happens when we die?
I really am afraid,

and afraid to go and talk to someone about it because i get the same answers,

"dont think about it to much"
"everyone has to die at some point"


Re: Death scares me,

Hi @Rabbitcrazylady,

Welcome to ReachOut. Smiley Happy

The fear you've identified is pretty primal, I feel. I think that knowledge of death has been both scaring and motivating people for as long as we've lived on the planet. We all have to live with knowing that we'll die. But if it's causing you frequent anxiety attacks, that's not good!

ReachOut has a great fact sheet on anxiety which you might find useful.

Have you ever chatted to someone like your GP about ways to manage your anxiety?



Re: Death scares me,

i have not.
i don't really know how to go about it.

but its getting the better of me.

Re: Death scares me,

Hi @Rabbitcrazylady,

Well, chatting here and opening up about how you feel and how it's affecting you is a great first step. Smiley Happy Your GP is a good option for when you're ready to chat to someone face to face. There's also phone or internet chat through Lifeline if you want some help but aren't ready to chat to someone face to face. 13 11 14 or

Keep us posted about how you are going?



Re: Death scares me,

Hi @Rabbitcrazylady 


Hope you are feeling better.

I think its a good idea to ask others what their opinion about losing loved ones and life after death just to get an idea of available possibilities. But in the end you will find something you are most comfortable with. 


Like others have said its a really good idea to talk to your GP about this and I really encourage it.


For me this topic requires a long chat over a cup of coffee, ha! Far too hard to discuss it through text.

I know people have given you answers but some things cannot be learned from merely be told about it. Some things require you to have experienced things before you can learn it. Eg When I broke up with my first girlfriend I thought I cannot go on and would not be able to love anyone else but her and that she was "the one". I remember my friends and family told me there will be others but I didnt believe them. Looking back at myself now... Ha!


Take care.


Re: Death scares me,

Hey @Rabbitcrazylady  welcome to reachout! Really interesting question! I think about death quite a bit and so thought I'd lend my 2 cents


I was wondering if you think death negates or gets rid of what one has done in their life in any way?


I think death is a very important thing! If we all lived forever, I think our lives would feel quite meaningless. We could always be putting things off, saying "i'll do it tomorrow" and the likes. 


What do you think would be the consequences of living forever?


Lots of times, I feel that because our time is limited, and because we can only make one choice out of infinite possibilities at any one time, it means that the choices that we do make have some meaning and importance!


Also, I'm not overtly religious, but neither am I an atheist.  I don't think that death is 'the end' - I've have several reasons for this but that is not what's important.  In a sense, I'm actually looking forward to finding out!  Death certainly doesn't negate the meaningfulness of life, rather on the contrary I think it makes what we do all the more meaningful!


I think if you want to think about death, then think away!  Sometimes dwelling on the root of your anxieties can be really helpful!


Let us know what you think!

Re: Death scares me,

Hi @Rabbitcrazylady - I know exactly how you feel. The first panic attack I ever had, and most of the subsequent ones, have been caused by thinking about the inevitability of my death. It is such a terrifying prospect - why are we even born if we just have to die and have no say in it? There are a few thoughts that calm me down when I feel a panic attack rising now:

1. I am not alone. Absolutely every single person in this world is going to end up the same way.

2. I won't know when it happens (I'm not a believer in an afterlife, although I'm hopeful)

3. It makes me more determined to do everything I want to do right now, while I still can.


I also like distraction as a technique. Watching a movie or TV show, cooking something, playing with my cat, reading - anything that takes my mind off those thoughts. Steer clear of drugs and alcohol, as they can make the thoughts much more intense and harder to shake off. If you're interested in religion, all of them have different theories about what happens after your physical body passes away. It might be something you could research and see which belief resonates with you most.

Re: Death scares me,

Thank you all for your input. I definitely have some new ways and new things to think about. I'm currently at my GP waiting for a mental health plan. Then I have taken the second step in making an appointment with a psychologist. Very nervous. I believe in god, and I find it interesting @ellebelle  why you think we wont know when it happens?

Re: Death scares me,

That's great @Rabbitcrazylady - it's awesome that you have taken steps towards establishing a professional support network. You can use telephone counselling services like Lifeline too if you're in between appointments.

About your question, the reason I don't think I'll know when it happens is that I never know when I've fallen asleep until I wake up. I imagine it will be like that, only permanent. It's a bit of a morbid way to think about it, sorry! If you have faith in God and an afterlife though, you would have a different view on it.

Re: Death scares me,

To be honest I don't know what I believe in and I think that's why it scare me so much.
If that makes sense.