It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 2)

[Janine-RO]

Ahhh that sounds so frustrating @Lost_Space_Explorer5 ! Will you be studying on campus or by distance when you go back? 

[MB95]

It's totally not cheating if they don't know.. 😂

Yeah, if you're on campus then I'm hella jealous! I'm still all online and it SUCKS  😭

[Eden1717]

@MB95  yeah mine is all online too. 

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  3 extra weeks of holidays sounds nice tbh. but i can see how it would be getting boring as they say the grass is always greener on the other side lol. 

[Lost_Space_Explorer5]

hehe indeed we're always jealous of what we don't have @Eden1717 It's gonna be combination so in person tuts and online lectures which is cool @MB95. We're getting our timetables soon so now I'm regretting saying I wish I had something to do lol

[Eden1717]

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  hopefully the course load isnt to bad for you, how are you today? 

[Lost_Space_Explorer5]

I'm doing okay today, how are you going @Eden1717? Wait I'm meant to be saying more descriptive words than 'okay'. I'm worrying about a lot of things as usual but feeling more able to connect to people. I'm saying goodbye to my CM tomorrow so that's a thing- I'm in complete denial. I low-key want to ask her for a hug when I say goodbye but stupid social distancing from covid wouldn't allow that Is it weird to want a hug from a professional support when saying goodbye?🙃

[Eden1717]

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  it isnt weird to want a hug, hugging is a normal way for humans to say goodbye and it might even be possible if it werent for covid. I hope the process is smooth for you it must be difficult but maybe some denial for now is ok it might give you a little time to subconsciously process things.  

[Lost_Space_Explorer5]

Okay I've said goodbye to my case manager Although I couldn't cry to show how much her support meant to me which was frustrating.. It feels like I've been punched in the heart but I still can't cry. It feels like I've lost a part of me. Like someone's suddenly given me the keys to drive in my life and disappeared so I don't know where to go anymore. Like I've been left to fend for myself but that's okay cause I know how to. It's so weird- I have this freedom and want to do right by my treating team but I didn't want to lose them I think I'm gonna be okay but I'm gonna miss my CM

[Lost_Space_Explorer5]

Okay in theory if someone you don't really want to talk to texts you after a long time is it okay to just ignore them? What if it was a possibility that you could run into them again and they would know you ignored them? How do you respond to someone politely but shut down the possibility of a conversation whilst avoiding any confrontation?

[MB95]

I am sending you lots of hugs! And I'll stick around tonight if you just wanna chat ❤

I can only imagine how difficult today would have been for you and that the next couple of weeks are quite possibly going to be a bit of an emotional roller coaster. But I just want to remind you that we are here to help you through it okay? 

Don't feel bad about not crying, sometimes when things hurt so much it's impossible to cry. Idk. I know it happens to me too which is why I'm saying that. Not sure if it's an actual thing or not but I often can't cry when I feel really sad and just want too. But then other times I cry at random ass shit! Emotions are fun 🙃 But I have absolutely no doubt whatsoever that your CM would know how upset you are, whether there were tears or not she would have known how difficult today was for you. 

I do really want to acknowledge how you're looking at this though because I honestly think you are just amazingly incredible!!! Seriously @Lost_Space_Explorer5. I know part of you may be trying to fool yourself into it, idk, but I think we need to acknowledge the way you are looking at this - as being given your freedom and a chance to fend for yourself and drive your own life. Just reading your post really touched me. I'm sad for you, don't get me wrong. But even moreso, I am EXTREMELY EXTREMELY EXTREMELY proud of you!!!!!! I know you don't want to lose them and that is going to be a hard thing to come to terms with. BUT I think it's inspirational that you want to do right by them and be your own person. Put all those skills and strategies into practice that I know you've been working so hard on! And then, remember how you said you'll probably still run into her now and again? Well just think of how proud she is going to be when she does see you and you stop for a chat to tell her how well you've been doing and smashing your goals!! Honestly, I think you should be EXTREMELY proud of yourself for getting through today and I hope you are being kind to yourself and treating yourself in some way!! ❤