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TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

Edit: A list of all of our system members can be found here: https://forums.au.reachout.com/t5/Everyday-life-stuff/SomeoneNADJS-System/m-p/395644/highlight/true#...

 

[R] I'm clearly not the best with thread titles. Anyway, stuff has been going on since we were last here. I can barely remember when that was since it was probably a few weeks ago. I started a new thread because the old one was getting a bit long.

 

Anyway, last week of school had a presentation night to end the year. Missed that because I was too dysphoric to wear the male uniform and because no one wanted to wear that. I/we missed getting two awards on the stage.

 

After that, we've been on holidays for a bit now, and just came back from a week-long holiday at a place our family normally goes to. Still felt miserable then, and a lot of us in our system are dealing with our own problems now, aside from the usual dysphoria and resulting misery. AA* and I have had a bit of conflict (which is almost resolved now), D is still questioning their gender and now S has started doing that again. C seems like she might be getting a bit depressed or something. I've been miserable and wanting things to stop* and that's started getting J worried about me. Other than that, T seems to be the only one who's not going through any misery (but she has been less active than she used to be).

 

When I say I want things to stop, I'm sick of the dysphoria. I don't want to trans, I just wish I was cis and had the opposite body to what I had now. I had an initial appointment at an IVF clinic in which I was repeatedly misgendered (even after this person was asked to use female pronouns in front of me and our parents), barely spoke, and just dissociated because I felt absolutely awful and I probably didn't speak for like the next two hours. I just wish that we didn't have to deal with this stuff. It's making me feel worse now thinking about it, and it's still been constantly on my mind even when I'm supposed to be relaxing and enjoying my holidays.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

Hi @SomeoneNADJS, it feels like a while since I've spoken to any of you.

 

I'm sorry things have been so hard for you all recently.

 

Ugh, being misgendered is horrible... especially by medical professionals who have a responsibility to not cause harm. Smiley Frustrated

If you're comfortable enough, you're completely within your rights to remind them of your pronouns when they get it wrong.

 

 

Are any of you looking forward to anything over the holidays?

Sometimes it can be good just to have something to focus on for a bit.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R] Hey @Tiny_leaf. I'm still having issues with our body's voice, so when I've gone out in female clothing I've had to whisper and pretend I'm having issues from all the smoke outside.

 

In a few weeks, we're going down to Melbourne for a week, which I'm looking forward to. Haven't discussed it much with anyone else from our system, but I think if I brought it up everyone'd be excited for that. Also going to see a voice therapist later in January and we're getting hair extensions. Aside from all of that, I have a few people to come out to and a Christmas game I need to finish developing in the next few days (actually what I'm pretending to do now).

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

Hey @SomeoneNADJS , I'm so sorry you're going through all that! It sounds like a lot to take in and handle. Getting misgendered must be so frustrating and upsetting, especially after the medical professional has already been told to use the right pronouns. I agree with @Tiny_leaf in that if you feel comfortable, you could speak up and remind them of your preferred pronoun. 

 

Melbourne though!! Sounds great! What kind of things will you be doing there? I'm so glad that you have something that might be able to distract you even just a little bit from everything else. I understand it can get exhausting and upsetting a lot, but I hope you remember that there are lots of us here for you! Heart Sometimes, it can really help to just think about a list of 3 to 5 things you are happy about in your life. It can prevent you from diving too deep into a rabbit hole and lift your spirits a little Smiley Very Happy What are some things you're happy about or grateful for? 

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R] Hi @ayrc_1904, mostly we're meeting members of our mum's family, since she's originally from Melbourne. It'll be just us and her on the trip, so our dad is staying home to look after the dogs.

 

Yeah, I have a habit of going into that rabbit hole a lot, and about 50% of the time when I do I talk about it to someone else in the system (although doing this is what got to start getting worried about me again). Some things I'm happy about are being able to be part of a system, having air conditioning (it was melting hot when we arrived back here this morning), and being able to go on holidays like these. And I can't forget Christmas too! That'll be exciting.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS Oh, that's so good!! I'm SO excited for you! Smiley Very Happy

Spending time with family is always something that can calm you down, ground you and make you feel better. Sometimes, it might not be family, but just people who truly understand you and who you are! I'm glad you get to have what sounds like a fantastic holiday. Heart

 

Yeaa, going down the rabbit hole is something all of us tend to do quite easily, don't we? It's easy to do and harder to get out of, but what can help is if you stop yourself beforehand. For example, notice, be aware of and maybe even write down the emotions you feel or even physical things like does your heartbeat increase a lot? Do your shoulders tense up? Do you clench your teeth without realising? These kinds of things can be signs that you need to notice what's happening and how you're feeling, stop, breathe slowly and do some self-care whether that be listening to music, going for a walk or wtv else you enjoy!

 

OMG THO! CHRISTMASSS! I love christmas hahahha no shame for saying I'm that annoying person who can listen to christmas songs any time of the year and look forward to the next christmas right after this year's christmas is over. Smiley LOL

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R@ayrc_1904 Yeah, I also get to surprise them all since only one of them knows I/we're trans. Hopefully that won't be too hard. As long as my dysphoria's not too bad, hopefully I (assuming I'm the one who does it) should be able to get through alright, but I'm not sure how likely that is.

 

That sounds like a good idea. Although I tend to try and ignore a lot of the physical stuff to avoid the dysphoria becoming worse than it would be. Thanks Smiley Happy

 

Yeah, that's what our mum does sometimes. We have a saying, "You can never have too much Christmas!"

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS ooh exciting!!

 

Are you getting colorful extensions or just some that match your body's hair color?

Melbourne's pretty cool, is there anywhere you want to go in particular there?

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R@Tiny_leaf Our body's hair colour, so darkish brown. We're going to get them to around shoulder-length. Currently, our hair is probably the longest it's ever been and it's about halfway down the back of our neck. I've found at the holiday place where we just came back from, that when I get out of the water at the beach, our hair is long enough to cover our eyes and ears.

 

Mostly our mum and I wander around the shopping arcades, but sometimes we see exhibitions at Federation Square. There's this place called ArtVo there which is pretty cool, which I think we're going to visit at some point. Other than that, I know we're going to Bairnsdale to see our grandfather's girlfriend too, which I'm also looking forward to.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS That's exciting!! You can get through it! I'm sure you'll be happier as well after telling more of them so that you can widen your support network too. I'm rooting for you! Heart

 

And yes, of course. When it is more difficult to deal with the physical symptoms that may come with feeling more negative emotions, put your focus on your emotions and wellbeing. Smiley Happy I'm sure you will be able to manage your dysphoria better and better over time and with the support of those around you! 

 

HAHA I already love your mum. She sounds so lovely. YUP i completely agree. You can never have too much Christmas Smiley LOL

 

Let me know how everything goes in Melbourne! Heart