cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Everything (family, anxiety, stress etc)

hey,

i don’t really know where to start but yeah.

 

so my parents divorced 3 years ago and it has been a really tough time for me. It was hard at the start but in a way it was a good thing. This is taking a dark turn but...

i hate my family, my dad use to physically abuse me and my sister but I’ve stopped seeing him which he is now blackmailing my mum. My mum seems to not care about me and verbally abuse me but I’ve seemed to cope. My anxiety is so bad and I can’t seem to control it and my stress is getting really bad. I’ve seemed to push all my friends away and I feel so alone. 

 

I’ve had anxiety for 6 years and it’s gone up and down but at the moment it’s really bad. I have social anxiety and I guess just anxiety in general and 6 years ago I had separation anxiety. I’m seeing my school consuellor who is helping me and some of my teachers are being supportive. None of my parents know that I see the consuellor though. But I’ll tell you how it all started;

 

Basically one day I was very upset at school and my favourite teacher asked me if I was okay and if I wanted to talk about it. At the time my dad wanted me to come on holidays with him to his home country (in European which is the otherwise of the world) and first of all I didn’t want to do that and second of all I knew if I went he would keep my sister and I their forever. Which he was thinking to take to court and my teacher said she’ll fight for me which I appreciated a lot. Ever since that day I started talking to her every 2 weeks which I think I was being really annoying and still am. I told her about my other family and how they are being rude to my mum and taking money that they shouldn’t have. I forgot to say my family barely has any money but I go to private school. Yes your probably thinking that I’m spoilt but no my grandparents are paying for it (there in retirement homes and suffering from Alzheimer’s ) and my auntie is taking more money that she should (she is married and both her and my uncle have good paying jobs). I also told my teacher how my dad abused me and she told me to see the consuellor and I said no and she was like I’m not going to force but I recommend you to. (This happened the 2nd half of last year)

 

This year I spoke to her and she forced me to see the consuellor. I guess I like speaking to someone but I don’t have the same relationship like with my teacher. I think of her as my Mum and I cannot explain how much I love her. And it breaks my heart that I have no family or anyone. I’ve started to talk about my anxiety with the consuellor and she’s helping because I have a lot of speaking exams coming up. It’s so annoying because my mum tells me to suck it up about my anxiety and she just doesn’t understand it and it hurts. She’s also rude about how I have anxiety and says I have a problem. Like yes I know have a problem but don’t rub it in like that.

 

What is also getting to me is the stress and I also suffer from daily headaches/sinus pain which my doctor said I will not ever recover and I’ve been in pain for years and I take a lot of meds for it. I can’t concentrate in class because everything that’s going on and my head being in pain. I’m also procrastinating a lot and I hate being home I will do anything to not be home. I’ve been failing all my classes and last year I got 80% or above for all subjects. I’m also very angry at the moment.

 

ive pushed all my friends away and I didn’t mean to but I can’t take anything. This one girl is being mean to everyone and me and it hurts so much. She kept saying to me “are you ever happy?” “Why are you always sad?” And making me feel bad of my feelings. It hurts so much that I look that depressed at school but sorry sometimes you can’t take anymore. I feel so lonely. And my favourite teacher is no longer my teacher bc she swapped with another teacher which breaks my heart. Over the last week she has been acting weird, she can tell I’m upset but she’s not asking how I am. I’m not looking for attention but I’ve stopped talking to her because I feel like I seem desperate and that I’m annoying. Today she was so rude to me and then 1 hour later she was hugging me which I don’t understand why.

 

also just a random thing but the other day, I saw my dad with his secret girlfriend and it’s so annoying because he still hasn’t told my sister or I.

 

right now I just feel like I can’t do any of this anymore (don’t worry I’m not suicidal and everything is under control). I feel so lonely and sad and everyone at my school pretends their depressed just to get attention and I hate it. And then everyone gives me crap for feeling upset and I don’t talk to any of my friends anymore. I just have nobody. Why can’t I have a nice Mum and dad, like how is that?

 

sorry if my grammar was really bad and if this doesn’t make sense. I’ve probably missed out of on a lot.

 

Thanks and I hope I found someone who understands how I’m feeling.

 

 

 

Re: Everything (family, anxiety, stress etc)

Hey @litgym, thanks for sharing your story and welcome to ReachOut. That was very brave and I am sure it was really hard for you to fit everything into a few paragraphs. I also moved this post to our Tough Times section which is more appropriate given you are dealing with some heavy stuff at the moment. It sounds like you are going through a lot with your health, family and school. It must be a very complicated and stressful situation with your family and I am sorry to hear that you have been abused by both your parents. Is this something you have talked about with anyone? Abuse is never okay but I also want to remind you that no family is perfect at all and you are not alone.

I also can't imagine how hard it must be to try and learn at school when you have physical pain that gets in the way. I can understand why you might be feeling so upset and lonely. It sounds like even though you were going through a lot, you had the support of your teacher and counsellor. This is really important when things get tough because we all need a little help from other people. Is there anyone who is supporting you through all of this right now? How do you look after yourself when you are feeling depressed, lonely and sad?

 

We are here to listen Heart

Re: Everything (family, anxiety, stress etc)

I have mentioned to my teacher that my parents have abused me and that is when she forced me to see the consuellor and I’m grateful that she did that because it’s helped a lot. My teacher, the consuellor and my best friend (the only problem she doesn’t go to my school and I see her rarely) are supporting me which helps gets me through each day. 

 

I have a few apps that track my mood and prevent myself from self harming expect I use the app to release my anger and stress. Also when I’ve had tough few weeks I treat myself by buying myself some yummy food or a bath bomb. I find that aromatherapy helps me a lot and I enjoy reading especially poetry. I write my own poems to get my feelings out. I also text my friend when I’m having a bad time. 

 

But sometimes none of that works and I just feel really depressed one day and can barely get through it.

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and responding Smiley Happy

Re: Everything (family, anxiety, stress etc)

hey @Taylor-RO,

sorry I’m not sure if you received this because forgot to mention you but here;

 

I have mentioned to my teacher that my parents have abused me and that is when she forced me to see the consuellor and I’m grateful that she did that because it’s helped a lot. My teacher, the consuellor and my best friend (the only problem she doesn’t go to my school and I see her rarely) are supporting me which helps gets me through each day. 

 

I have a few apps that track my mood and prevent myself from self harming expect I use the app to release my anger and stress. Also when I’ve had tough few weeks I treat myself by buying myself some yummy food or a bath bomb. I find that aromatherapy helps me a lot and I enjoy reading especially poetry. I write my own poems to get my feelings out. I also text my friend when I’m having a bad time. 

 

But sometimes none of that works and I just feel really depressed one day and can barely get through it.

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and responding Smiley Happy

Re: Everything (family, anxiety, stress etc)

Heya @litgym,

 

You can actually edit your posts if you forget to tag someone. If you're on desktop view, you just click the three little buttons on the top right of your post (looks something like this - mine has a few extra options though) Smiley Happy

 

Screen Shot 2018-05-30 at 18.24.45.png

 

Anyway... it definitely sounds like you've got a lot to deal with right now Smiley Sad

 

Have you spoken to your other teachers about the health issues? Often if they know what's going on they can be quite supportive. I will say that it sounds like you've got some really awesome coping strategies already (fellow lover of books and bubble baths here! Smiley Very Happy)... do you feel like they're helping enough right now?

 

If you're interested, there's a few forum threads which might be fun to check out. Feel free to look around, and post if you're finding yourself feeling lonely Heart

______________________________________________________
No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish

Re: Everything (family, anxiety, stress etc)

hey @lokifish,

thanks for telling me ! I’m still learning how to work this ahaha.

 

Some of my teachers know that I have very bad anxiety and my music teacher actually had anxiety when she was my age so she is helping me a lot Smiley Happy my homeroom teacher also knows I have stuff going on at home and that I see the consuellor. My favourite teacher knows almost everything but other than that no teacher actaully knows everything.

 

To be honest sometimes they work but not all the time and I tend to have mental breakdowns often. But I’m trying whatever I can do to stay positive. Thank you so much for those thread, I appreciate it a lot !! 

 

Re: Everything (family, anxiety, stress etc)

Hi @litgym,
I'm really glad that you have some teachers to talk to, especially the one that has been helping you a lot. Since she has had anxiety she must be able to relate to your anxiety too.
I'm really glad that you're trying to stay positive, I know you've been going through a very challenging time and it's really inspiring to see you trying to be strong.
We're here for you Heart

Re: Everything (family, anxiety, stress etc)

hey @missep,

thanks for understandinf and yes it’s good that my teacher knows what anxiety is like and that she is helping me Smiley Happy)

 

just a little vent;

 

I’m so annoyed with my mum right now she’s having a go at me for no reason which is really upsetting me since right now I can’t take much more nonsense stuff. I just got back from gymnastics and I told her that I got my back tuck on floor perfectly and she didn’t even care. Like at least fake that your happy for me. She’s also shouting at me for no reason and it hurts so much because I can’t even have 1 good afternoon ever. 

 

I almost had a panic attack at gymnastics because I got really bad anxiety over 1 skill. It really upsets me because gymnastics is probably one of my favourite things in the world and of course my anxiety limits me Smiley Sad(

 

anyways sorry for the vent.

Re: Everything (family, anxiety, stress etc)

Hi @litgym sorry to hear you are feeling upset about what happened with mum, we're always here to listen and provide support. It sounds like you did an amazing job at gymnastics. I'm wondering how you are looking after yourself tonight? What helps you to unwind? Heart

Re: Everything (family, anxiety, stress etc)

Hi @Lan-RO,

Thank you, I’m quite proud of myself since I almost had a panic attack Smiley Happy I had a hot shower and I’m reading a book right now.

 

thanks x