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I Never Feel Alive or Complete

For years I have always felt like I’m just not living. I just feel like I’m moving through the motions day to day but I never really feel alive. I also feel alone a lot of the time. I have a partner of almost three years, and we work pretty well together, but we have a few different interests, he has a lot of hobbies, and he always has mates to be with. He always has something to do and someone to be with. I’m left feeling so needy and alone because I don’t have hobbies (I really struggle to stick to something and enjoy it), all of my friends have moved away or a super busy most of the time, and so I end up feeling dead inside. There a two things I know that bring me at least some joy; one of them I cannot afford to do, and the other my boyfriend does not approve of. So I’m left with nothing. 

 

I then recently met this guy. We hit it off. It was like I knew him for years. There was no awkward phase. He could see right through me, he understood me in ways other people never could. We became really good friends quite quickly. I suddenly felt alive again. Things however got a little weird, and we ended up doing things together. I told my boyfriend immediately because I was ashamed of what had happened. My boyfriend refuses to let me have any form of contact with this friend, which I can understand. However, it’s killing me on the inside, because I finally felt like I had someone who understood me so well. I felt free. Now I can’t even talk to this person. 

 

Im so confused. I’m so lost. I don’t know how to shake the horrible alone feeling. All I want is to be able to have the friendship back.

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Re: I Never Feel Alive or Complete

Hi @Marsdancer thank you for sharing this story and reaching out for support.

 

My heart strings were a bit pulled reading this. It sounds like you really felt a soul to soul connection with this friend of yours and it really sparked something within you. Do you think you see this friend romantically at all? Well done on being transparent about everything that happened there, and I am so sorry for your grief in missing this friend. How are you and your partner right now?

 

Sometimes in life it does happen whereby our friends are off doing their own thing and we are stuck in the same place, you're not alone with this. There's every chance that down the line you will be off doing your own thing and one of your friends will be feeling isolated and stuck. You mentioned you struggle to stick to hobbies - how about work? Or do you go to church/temples? Or even volunteer work?

 

We're here to listen. Will tag some other members too. 

 

@Brendos94 @LeoTheLion @Bee @N1ghtW1ng

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Re: I Never Feel Alive or Complete

I don’t see that friend romantically. They’re just a really strong close friend. I feel like they’re the male version of me. I see my whole self in them.

 

My partner and I are doing well. We are still going strong, but of course the topic of what happened is a little raw. We both want to keep working on us though.

 

Im pretty committed to my job. It’s really the only thing I have that I do in my life. I love throwing myself into everything, and doing anything in my power to help at work. 

 

As for other things such as attending church or temples, I never really have. I’ve volunteered a few times here and there but as soon as it’s over I feel the same empty feeling again. I just don’t seem to find any long term joy out of doing things.

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Re: I Never Feel Alive or Complete

Hey Marsdancer,

 

I feel like most of us in this forum can relate to that 'living but not alive' feeling. Unfortunately this is a common feeling of depression and it too sucks every bit of joy you had before. I believe in order to be not so needy is to expand yourself. I know you said you don't have any hobbies currently but you should always look for new activities you might enjoy or even if you feel like you might not enjoy at all. Someone told me before that they enjoyed surfing so much but at first surfing had no appeal to them what so ever. Focus on yourself, maybe list some point you could improve on and work on those.

 

As for feeling alone, there are people who understand you out there like you said. Gotta find them all! I don't want to say whether to choose your boyfriend or your friend, not really my place. But like I said, there are people out there who will make you feel like you're not alone!

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Re: I Never Feel Alive or Complete

Hey @Marsdancer
Thank you for sharing, as Bree-RO said this really pulled at my heartstrings too Smiley Sad
When I read through it, I got the sense that you are with two conflicts, on one hand you have a good relationship with your partner, and both of you are commited to it, but it also sounds like you're feeling a bit lost and alone when he's out with friends and hobbies. And then you met this other guy who you felt connected with, and your partner doesn't approve of the friendship.
Does this sound right?

Was there anything specific that your partner didn't like about this friend?

You said you are pretty focused and committed to your job, what kind of work do you do?


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

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Re: I Never Feel Alive or Complete

It does feel quite like I’m alone when he is off with his mates and always occupied with his hobbies while I struggle to find anything.

 

I do feel trapped between to parts of me; my partner whom I love and we go well together, and this new friendship that is unlike anything I’ve had before. My partner was very unsure of me making friends with this person, just really for no reason originally. But this friend and I accidentally kissed, both of which we regret, especially since it’s caused issues for the friendship. My partner doesn’t want to hear me out, and I completely understand the way he feels. I honestly don’t know how to go about it; I feel like he has every right to put stipulations on this friendship, but at the same time, I think it’s completely unfair.

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Re: I Never Feel Alive or Complete

Hey @Marsdancer, I can definitely relate to that 'living but not alive' feeling. It sounds like trying to balance this friendship (which filled a need for you), and your partner is causing you a fair bit of stress at the moment.

I'm wondering if you and/or your partner would consider some form of counselling to talk through what's going on? 

// Spiral outward, keep going. //
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Re: I Never Feel Alive or Complete

Hey @Marsdancer

 

This is coming from a guy's point of view. I believe the main reason for your boyfriend telling you to stop seeing your friend is because he is afraid that you're going to fall in love with your friend and leave him. And when you kissed your friend, that just made your boyfriend more protective of your current relationship. 

 

It is unfair but your boyfriend isn't thinking about your needs but rather his needs, which is retaining a relationship with you. 

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Re: I Never Feel Alive or Complete

hello @Marsdancer, how have you been?