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Re: I am having a hard time

@Jess1-RO  my sister is home.... honestly I don’t have the energy to do any of the things I need too and I keep bursting into tears and I am just really done with everything.

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Re: I am having a hard time

I'm so sorry about all the pain and distress that you've been going through @Eden1717. Heart
I don't think there's anything that I can say to make you feel better. You don't deserve the things that you're going through and life sounds pretty hard for you at the moment. Smiley Sad
Just know that I'm thinking of you. I hope that things can improve. Heart

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Re: I am having a hard time

@WheresMySquishy  I don’t even know what to do I am so so so tired and I just feel really horrible and I can’t I don’t feel right. 

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Re: I am having a hard time

I'm so sorry to hear things aren't working out the way as planned for you @Eden1717. It's always a kick in the guts when it happens. From all your posts I know how strong you are though and am hoping that this is only a motivator to fight even harder than before. I know it may not seem possible right now (trust me, I've been there) and like you want to give up on everything but if it's something you truly want deep down and are willing to fight for it then I'm sure it will all work out in the end. The important thing is to not give up because you CAN make it happen! And with your strength and determination you show on here, I know that if anyone can make it happen it's you. Allow yourself to feel how you're feeling now because that's only natural. Just try not to be too hard on yourself and don't forget about the fighter that's within you. Because she can get through anything! She's come this far, so I know she can keep going ❤ 

I really do feel for you because those emotions are never fun to sit with. Remember we are here to listen and if you feel like sharing what it is you're upset about we may be able to help offer some suggestions. I find when I'm really low sometimes another perspective can help. But I always have to be open to it first and ready to hear it because it doesn't always work out so I have to be in more of an accepting headspace before I do try to open up which can take time. We are here when you're ready though ❤

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Re: I am having a hard time

Hey @Eden1717 

 

I've been catching up on your thread this morning. I just wanted to say that I'm feeling for you at the moment. Tension within the family is super frustrating and feeling like you've lost a goal that has kept you going is so devastating. I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this at once. No wonder you're feeling horrible right now. 

 

Whenever you're up for a chat we will be here to listen Heart 

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Re: I am having a hard time

@Bre-RO @MB95  thanks..... idk I feel like saying I am strong I will get through this while I get the sentiment I feel like it ignores the fact that I am not ‘getting through’ it at all like that implies that things get better or easier at the other end which isn’t the case and it also implies that I am coping in some way which is also not true at all. I am not ok i am not coping and things are only getting harder. Like I am continuing to do things because I HAVE too because there is no other option because that is all I can do because it is the least painful course of action. I am not some brave warrior who is fighting for my freedom. I have not got freedom I don’t have the strength to fight and I am not brave I am always scared and the only motivation I have left in me is to do something that will minimize the amount of fear I am having at any moment. I am clutching onto a fraying rope and hoping it will support me long enough to find another one. There is no top on the mountain I never get to take a break but it is either hold the rope long enough for my hands to bleed or fall and hit the rocks at the bottom not to die but to lay with rocks hurting me for the rest of time. I either hurt my hands or my whole body. That isn’t being brave or strong that is being practical. 

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Re: I am having a hard time

Hey @Eden1717 

 

I can really hear how much you are struggling, and that saying you're strong and brave is invalidating to how you are feeling. It sounds like you're in a really awful space right now, but we are glad to see you are still hanging in there and reaching out to us, no matter the motivation. 

 

This is a safe space, please reach out when you need to <3 

 

 

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Re: I am having a hard time

Sorry @Eden1717, I didn't mean to make it sound like you weren't struggling because I know you are so I'm sorry I upset you. I was just trying to remind you that you are strong and can get through this. I know you don't see it but I do. We all see things differently though and I appreciate that and am sorry for upsetting you. Hang in there and I really do hope things become easier for you soon ❤

Re: I am having a hard time

@TOM-RO @MB95  It isn’t that you upset me.... I just don’t find being told I am ‘strong’ to be helpful... it is the same for me when people say I will get through this because it never happens, I never come out the other end and thing are better, I go out to a slightly worse situation with less energy each time the situation changes or is over. Also it isn’t a situation issue it is a me as a creature problem. 

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Re: I am having a hard time

Good morning @Eden1717 

 

You put your feelings into words really well. The analogy of hanging onto a fraying rope really painted a picture of how much pain you're feeling. What I can also hear is that while you don't feel strong, you're surviving.  

 

You also giving support to others who are in pain, while you're trying to get by and survive yourself. I think that's really admirable and we are grateful to have you here.