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Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

I'm really sorry to hear the first time didn't go well @Eden1717, I think I remember you telling me that a while ago. I can understand why you're scared and don't have much faith in the system. Once your trust has been broken it's hard to go back nd give it another shot, I get it! How would you feel about calling your psychiatrist to let him know whats going on for you? I understand a quick call isn't enough, trust me - I've been there, but sometimes just hearing from them and gaining another opinion can help get you through for a few days? He might be able to give you other perspectives etc. which could be helpful? Cause I know when I'm really worked up and scared etc. I can't see things clearly and it can help to have someone else point them out? He might be able to offer other suggestions etc or even maybe contact the people from the hospital who are trying to get you to start all these new treatments and let them know how you're feeling and that maybe now isn't the right time for you? 

Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

@MB95  I don’t know I don’t think there is time between when I would have to speak the the psychiatrist and when I could speak to my psychiatrist and when he could speak to them. I think I will just have to keep quiet and not say a lot. 

Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

I don't wanna sound harsh or upset you because I know how difficult things are for you at the moment @Eden1717, but it almost sounds to me as if you're not willing to even give it a try? I know it's hard, and yeah, it may not work out as planned but you deserve to give yourself the best chance. The decision is always yours and it's completely up to you whether you choose to try and make contact and get something sorted or not, but from past experience I've learnt that no real change ever really comes from keeping quiet. I really don't mean to sound harsh because I understand where you're coming from. I just think you owe it to yourself to push through these negative thoughts and give yourself the best chance and making things work. What if you just try and give your psychiatrist a call tomorrow? Or even send an email if that's easier? Explaining what's been happening because I'm sure he'll be able to help in some way and maybe even help you come up with a solution? Just make sure you're honest with him about how you feel regarding the public system and groups etc. and how you think it does more harm than good for you. I'm sure he'll understand and you can both work something out together? You deserve it. Please don't give up the fight. 

Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

Hello @Eden1717, I am sorry to hear that you have not been able to arrange an appointment with your psychiatrist. It is good to hear that you trust your psychiatrist, even if it is a bit limited. Would you feel comfortable talking to them over the phone and letting them know that you have been feeling that things are intense lately? I am sorry to hear about your previous experience with community teams and the public mental health service. I can't imagine how scary that situation must have been. Is this something that you have told your psychiatrist about?  

Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

@MB95  Because I already know how this will go I have been doing these emergency short calls for a few months now and also he doesn’t have any authority over what the public system does I am not saying no because I “am not willing to try” I am saying no because I know it will just be wasted effort and energy on my part. Tomorrow is Friday the psychiatrist phone call is on Tuesday my psychiatrist doesn’t work weekends he also usually takes a few days to contact anyone that is if they even reply which is a fat chance when it comes to the public system anyway. I also know that my psychiatrist won’t be able to get the full picture in a 2 minute call I also know that he has said if it is a crisis call the Catt team I also told his secretary that I was out of hospital when I made the appointment and the soonest he could do (knowing fully that I had just left the hospital) was 3 weeks. He is also a busy person and me calling him to tell him I am scared of the public teams which he already knows very well that I don’t want to associate with them is not going to stop the phone call on Tuesday. 

 

This is not to to mention the amount of difficulty me having the conversations would entail considering I can only physically speak about 50% of the time and phone conversations are getting increasingly difficult I am struggling to do even basic tasks to keep up with looking after myself day to day and trying to organize basic tasks is exhausting and difficult right now. I don’t say no to these things because I haven’t given it serious thought I say no when I have considered it and honestly I don’t think you do understand exactly where I am coming from maybe some things but I don’t think you or anyone online or irl has the full picture of what is going on with me and that isn’t your fault but it means that maybe being aware of that saying that I am not trying might not be a fair thing to say when you don’t know what else I am dealing with and my abilities at this current time as well as what my history with contact with my psychiatrist is like. Not everyone has supports that they can contact out of pre set up times and it is great if you do but not everyone can do that. And I don’t think it is fair to say that I am not giving it a try and while I know you mean well it has upset me. 

Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

Yeah okay, that's fair enough. It sucks when you really need to get in contact with someone and they're so busy! Hopefully he'll be able to give you some guidance when you do end up seeing him. And I hope the call on Tuesday goes as smooth as possible for you too.

 

I'm sorry for upsetting you, that wasn't my intention at all. I can just hear your frustration and wanted to try and help but I can tell I've just made thimgs worse for you so I'm sorry. I won't try and encourage it again, cause like you said I don't understand. I guess at the end of the day none of us really understand eachother or whats truly going on inside eachothers heads. It's a scary thing really. 

 

I'm sorry again for upsetting you, and I really do hope next week works out for you and some sort of supports are able to be put in place that you find helpful. 

Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

@MB95  I want you to know I am not mad at you and I don’t hate you or have bad feelings towards you. I was hurt by what you said but it was mostly because I have been told things along those lines and worse by many professionals and I guess it brought back a lot of nasty feelings although I know that wasn’t your intent. It is weird on here we know people on one level but at another we know nothing about them or their lives and I guess that is probably best in many ways but at times it can make it hard to give any kind of advice because we end up having to work around a lot of gaps and holes we didn’t even know we existed. 

Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

It's all good! I'm not upset, just feel terrible I made things worse. I'm sorry I brought up past feelings for you and I'm sorry there's nothing I can do to help. I really wish there was cause you don't deserve the daily struggles you're dealing with. I do wish someone could just take it all away from you cause I always hear the distress in your messages and really feel for you. 

 

Let us know how Tuesday goes! 

Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

Aw @Eden1717 I have seen your efforts, especially over the past few months. You've made calls, written notes, used helplines and tried to engage with a health system that you haven't had good experiences with. To say that is frustrating is a complete understatement. 

 

You pointed something out that I think about alllll the time. That it's a weird space on the forums. We know all these things deep and personal things about each other but don't always know what advice will work best. You are totally right in saying that. Even though we might not always get the advice right, you are genuinely cared for here. 

Re: TW: Re: I am having a hard time

Hey @Eden1717 

 

I just wanted to say I am truly sorry you have been feeling so overwhelmed and anxious and frustrated recently, times have been tough for you and it must be really difficult that the people you are speaking to aren't understanding you and listening properly. I can hear it in your posts.
I truly hope your phone call with the psychiatrist goes smoothly, and that perhaps they are able to provide some help that works and helps you.