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I don't know where this will go

Im back at home with my parents. I'm basically on my own trying to sort this out. I crashed again, woke up, and my good mood was gone. I'm having suicidal thoughts again. I can try distracting myself, that works, but only so much. I can't really call up and talk to someone because I'm outside Australia (temporarily). And they don't have those kind of services around here.

I'm here for the next 2 and a bit months. My pdoc appointment is in almost a months time. I could email my old psychologist and ask if he has time to see me, but I'm not sure if I'm ready for therapy, I often get nowhere. If I'm depressed I lack motivation. If I'm not, then I'm a rebellion, because in that state I feel as though people and my medications are trying to control me. I'm a really irritable person so I argue with people. I make excuses. I know they say you need to make an effort but I can force myself.

I can't go to my mother and be like I'm having suicidal thoughts now what. On top of that, they are worried I would end up in a psychiatric hospital if I don't control myself. There is no way I'm going to the hospital. I've been told by others, that if I feel as though I can't control myself I'm better off there.

But I guess I'll see where this goes. Maybe I just need to focus on trying to get through this one day a time.
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Re: I don't know where this will go

@Creativegirl12 Hey there, let me just say that since you have been kind and supportive to me, I just want to tell you to stay strong. You are a great person who is kind and offers support to others. I hope everything goes well for you

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Re: I don't know where this will go

Hey @Creativegirl12,

I'm sorry to hear things are rough right now. If you're having suicidal thoughts, it might be a good idea to tell your mother. Is there a reason you don't want to tell her? Even if you feel she'd be upset, or couldn't help, she could help you find some support between now and your pdoc appointment.

Is web chat back to Kids Helpline a possibility where you are?

 

blithe

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Re: I don't know where this will go

Hey @Creativegirl12 

 

Hope that you're doing ok. It's great that you're taking things slowly one day at a time. You sound determined to not have these thoughts beat you. What coping methods have you been using lately or previously that have been helpful to you? 

 

Stay strong and keep us posted. 

 

___________________________________________________
Stay excellent
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Re: I don't know where this will go

Hi @Creativegirl12 

 

I have never felt to the extent that you are, but it sounds like it must be tough.

 

I would really like to hear a few things, that help you feel a little bit better overall. Perhaps reafirming those strategies to yourself can help , as well as help others reading this

 

Look forward to hearing from you.

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Re: I don't know where this will go

My parents don't really know what to do, it seems kind of pointless. They tried to help me, but it gets nowhere. Nor did I get anywhere with my psychiatrist when, I can decide whether or not I want to continue. I mean, I saw her for like 3 months, she didn't give me a pacific diagnosis, only rough, likely mood disorder, and yet she was keen on starting another mood stabiliser. I don't know if anyone can ever understand.

Unfortunately I can't use kid helpline because you need to be in Australia. One of my regular counsellors was actually saying she was worried, because I was calling so much because I had intense thoughts.

Sometimes I distract myself, pray etc. I guess I'll do what I can.
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Re: I don't know where this will go

 

 Dear Creative-Girl,  as your member name stipulates  - let find that "Creative" spark simmering to unleash from within you :-)

 

 1.   Your parents don't know what to do - I wish to say YES I experienced exactly same thing my whole life - its like beating our  head against a brick wall

 

2.  Parents try to help me, but it gets nowhere - YES correct, this a very common consequence of parent's Ignorance ; especially in Neo-modern society - parents lack enough time, hence patience to deeply contemplate "What exactly is concern of their children"  instead they just rush off to their office jobs and repetitvely deflect and defer our depression.

 

3.   Nor get anywhere with psychiatrists - YES that is correct, because modern specialists are more concerned with making money than actually really treating us (not all specialists are money-minded BUT the genuine ones are very had to find).

 

4.   Psychiatrist didn't give you a diagnosis - my strong advice to this IS if any specialist behaves "rough" "or "vague" "fails to thoroughly answer any of your questions or concerns" - then they most probably not genuine. In any such case you indeed keep searching and meeting other specialist until you find a genuine - this will avoid you wasting your time :-)

 

5.     Specialists are keen on starting another mood stabiliser - YES this is also true, the pharmaceutical industry makes millions off people's misery - I strongly recommend always be very discipline and reluctant to easily submit to getting prescribed medications "just because a university graduate says you should" ;  this is coruption of education - instead you please try to deal with your conditions, disorders..etc WITH a "placebo effect" - pelase look up on google.com a very inspirational film - type in the search box "Living Matrix healing" - I promise you will feel this potential you very uplifting  &  "always trust yourself first and foremost for diagnosis, before anyone else" !!!   because we know ourselves the best   &   even specialists get things wrong, hence "Make haste slowly", then I guarantee you the solution to all your problems will AWAKEN to you :-)

 

Hope this is beneficial to you friend

 

Best Regards, MrFunny

 

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Re: I don't know where this will go

hey @Creativegirl12 , it's no good to hear your having a rough trot at the moment, I hope things pick up soon!

 

I think you are super brave to be dealing with all these emotions and thoughts right now!  Regarding all of these thoughts and feelings, what would your ideal self look/feel like? Also, I really like how you are willing to seek help, it shows a lot of courage!

 

I think you have heaps to offer and it's always good seeing you on the forums

 

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Re: I don't know where this will go

 

@MRFUNNY  I really like how you are being supportive, that's awesome and please keep it up!

 

However, I would encourage you to stop making such broad generalizations.  Treat and approach people with an open mind - everyone is individual and, hence, unique - thus, such broad generalizations, such as those you have made about parents and psychiatrists are untrue and pointless.  I actually find it a little bit offensive - I know many specialists who genuinely care about their patients, and very few who do it for the money.  It saddens me to hear that you have a view of other peoples motives as purely selfish ones. 

 

Also, when/if a parent 'deflects' your depression, do you think this is because they don't care enough, or because they might not have the tools to deal with it nor have the knowledge to know how to respond? Sometimes parents don't know how to deal with certain situations, expecially when they regard emotions.  It doesn't mean they don't care - it just means they struggle to communicate and express their concerns and compassion 

 

Please try to adopt a more open-minded approach - it will help to maintain an optimistic view and, more importantly, will allow you to get the most out of life and social interactions.  If you frequently make broad assumptions, you might miss out on some really great people!

 

You often talk about the negatives of our 'neo-capitalistic' society - I was wondering what approach to life you take to try and counter these negatives? Or, more generally, to live a life unaffected by capitalism and the mentally that goes with it?

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Re: I don't know where this will go

Hey @Creativegirl12 - is there a local version of KHL you can use while you're abroad? Are you able to ask your psych back home for some services in your current location?