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I get really anxious with social interactions

I've been a quiet person since I was a child, I thought that maybe I'm just shy. But it's starting to get worse when time passed. This anxious feeling while talking to people is starting to get in the way of my daily life and it makes going to uni very hard. I always believed that I learn better in face-to-face class but now I'm trying to avoid going outside. I was afraid that I might have social anxiety and tried talking about it to my family, but they didn't seem to believe what I said. I don't really have any friends who I can ask for advice either, so I'm really lost on what to do right now...

nayuta
nayutaPosted 19-07-2022 02:10 PM

Comments

 
Kayvan
KayvanPosted 14-03-2024 10:01 PM

Hi, I have always struggled with communicating with others. holding a conversation was and still is hard because I struggle with anxiety. It often takes years of knowing someone before I am comfortable talking with them, and I have given up being good at talking and holding conversations and instead settle with dealing with the anxiety instead.

 
 
Zig_RO
Zig_ROPosted 14-03-2024 10:54 PM

Hi @Kayvan 

 

Thank you for your forum’s response 🙂

 

I’m sorry to hear that you have been having trouble with communication, I wanted to start off by saying you should be proud of yourself. Coming onto the forums and expressing how you have been feeling is far from an easy thing to do you’ve shown so much care and bravery towards your own wellbeing and it’s amazing to see.

 

I was wondering if you had anybody in your life you feel like you can seek support from or connect with? This could be another family member, or maybe even professional support such as a counsellor?

 

Dealing with anxiety can be overwhelming and tiring, and I’m sure other community members can understand how you’re feeling. I’m wondering what self-care might look like for you, and if there is anything that helps calm your anxiety?

 

Please don’t be afraid to reach out:)

 
WorkingOnIt110
WorkingOnIt110Posted 11-03-2023 12:43 AM

Hi 🙂 I have also grown up being super anxious of social situations, i try to avoid them at all costs as they can be very draining and scary, but since moving for uni, i have tried to become a better version of myself. I am 3 weeks in and il'll be honest, it's very difficult still, i have a long way to go when it comes to making friends and trying new things, but i have noticed one thing that i think will benefit you. I suggest taking 1 small step a day, even if its tiny, i know this advice is probably something you have heard before but in all seriousness it helps. Today i was at the train station and a girl came and sat next to me, i battled with myself for 5 mins about saying something or getting up and moving to avoid any social interaction. In the end i thought, i will regret not doing this, so i simply complimented her to start the conversation. In the end we had a great chat about what she was studying and everything. In the end, we just said it was nice meeting you and moved on with our lifes. Honestly, just saying hi, how are you to someone you think would be nice to be friends with is a great start!! 🙂 Obviosuly, if this is to much at the begginning that is ok, take your time and go at a pace that makes you comfortable. Maybe even just say hi to someone you may walk past. Exposure is a great start but don't feel the need to pressure yourself, things take time. I think it's so amazing you even reached out, such a big thing to do 🙂

 
Strawberry_Dragonfly
Strawberry_DragonflyPosted 30-11-2022 01:56 PM

I have also been a quiet person I would always try to get out of presentations because I was not nervous about what my classmate would say or judge me because I wasn't  popular or cool kid 🥰

 
autumn2742
autumn2742Posted 24-07-2022 03:48 PM

Hi @nayuta ,

Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing your experience. Acknowledging that you are experiencing anxiety can be confusing and frightening, and so it takes a lot of courage to address it and want to do something about it. I am sorry to hear that your family do not seem to believe what you are telling them, that sounds really difficult. Would you be comfortable sharing a bit more about this experience and how it has affected you? You mentioned also that you don't feel like you have any friends you can talk to about this at the moment - I was wondering whether there is anyone at the moment you do feel comfortable and safe talking to, such as a different family member, a mental health clinician, a university counsellor or a tutor/teacher for example?

With regards to working out whether or not you are experiencing social anxiety, the best person to speak to would be a mental health clinician. Is this something that you would feel comfortable doing/able to do at this moment? If not, there are definately ways that you can still address the anxiety you are experiencing and make it easier to cope with anxiety in day to day life. As someone who has experienced social anxiety for a long time, I can understand how overwhelming and frusturating it can seem. I was wondering whether there is anything you currently find helpful in reducing or managing your anxiety in social situations, or self-care that you find helpful before or after social situations? Although not everyone experiences anxiety in the same way, and what works for me may not work for everyone else, there are some things I have found helpful in reducing and managing my anxiety both leading up to social situations and during social situations, which you may find helpful? 

For me, the biggest thing that has been helpful in managing my social anxiety is exposure. During covid, I found that my social anxiety got much, much worse because I was rarely exposed to social situations. Engaging in social situations when they make you anxious can be incredibly scary, but avoiding social situations can often make the anxiety worse, partially because you never get the chance to learn that you are capable of coping with the situation, or that the thing you fear may not actually happen. (For example, if you are afraid that the person you're talking to may laugh at you and you avoid them, you never get the chance to see that this likely won't happen). If you want to try exposing yourself to social situations, it is often good to start with small things to build your confidence, and then you can go from there. For example, ordering a coffee may not be as scary as going to a party, but it still can build confidence. Do you think this is something would like to try? If you were to speak to/are currently seeing a mental health professional, this is also something they could guide you in, as sometimes it helps to have that bit of extra support when you are exposing yourself to stressful situations. It is also very important to be kind to yourself when you are experiencing anxiety in social situations, or if you are trying exposure, as this takes time and can be a difficult process. It is okay to feel anxious, and it is okay if every social situation does not go smoothly. Just validating your experiences and giving yourself space to feel the emotions you are experiencing can in itself be very helpful as well. 

Regarding how to manage anxiety when you are already feeling particularly anxious, something that I find really beneficial is deep breathing. You can try something called box breathing - breathe in for four, hold for four, breathe out for four, hold for four. Another technique that is really useful in grounding yourself and bringing yourself back into the present moment is the 5-4-3-2-1 technique (I'm not sure what it's actually called). To do this, you try to count five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste. Both of these can be really useful in managing anxiety in the current moment. Have you tried either of these techniques, or have a different technique you could use when you are particularly anxious?

Finally, I think it is really important to know your limits/boundaries, and to have some sort of self-care in place. For example, I have learnt that being in social situations for two or three days in a row is too emotionally draining for me at the moment, so I try to organise my social events, classes, or work where possible so that I have one day out of the house, and then a day at home in between. Prior to going to uni or a social event, and then after the event, I also try to engage in some self-care by meditating, or going for a walk, or listening to some music. What sort of things do you do for self-care or find helpful after being in a situation that has made you feel anxious?

I hope that you have found some of this helpful (I apologise for the essay - it turns out I am not very good at writing short replies!). I wish you the best of luck, and please never hesitate to share your experiences 💙

 

 
seal2099
seal2099Posted 20-07-2022 10:12 PM

Hi @nayuta

 

I just want to let you know that you are very brave for reaching out and seeking support, even though it's online and anonymous - it takes a lot of courage to articulate your feelings and sharing you experience to people. As Courtney previous mentioned, we're all here for you even if you just want to share your feelings and stories. I'm very sorry to hear that what you're going through is interfering with your uni life and going outside at the moment. I'm even more disheartened to hear that your family is not taking you seriously. It sounds like it must feel invalidated and confused. I can imagine It must've already taken a lot of courage to bring this up to them in the first place. 

 

If you haven't already come across it, here is an article is on social anxiety. However, please note that I am definitely not a health professional and this is absolutely not meant to be a diagnosis. Nontheless, the article contains an overview, some insights and practical tips towards social anxiety that you can know more about. Please note again that this is not intended to be a diagnosis or the suggestion for one. If you find yourself interested then finding a health professional might be extremely helpful.

 

Don't mean to bombard you with questions after the ones already in the previous replies, but do you feel you get anxious when talking to anyone? Or perhaps just people you don't know well? Or perhaps just people that you think will most definitely judge you?

 

Let us know what you think! We'll always be here to listen

 

Thanks heaps.

 
 
nayuta
nayutaPosted 20-07-2022 11:28 PM

Thanks so much for the article! It's really helpful and I'm relieved that there's many people out there having the same problem and I'm not alone. 

As you said this is online and anonymous, but I really appreciate how considerate and supportive you are.

I feel really anxious with talking to someone I'm not familiar with, especially when meeting new people. Which is why I haven't made any friends in uni so far...

Thank you so much for your reply 

 
 
 
seal2099
seal2099Posted 24-07-2022 06:24 PM

Hi @nayuta

 

Thank you for reading the article and found it useful 🙂 You should also give yourself some credit for being very considerate and supportive. Thank you for your reply too.

 

We (especially myself) sure do experience some level of anxiety or awkwardness when talking to someone we're not familiar with. I found it hard to find friends during my first year of uni too - but then I found out a lot of the people are in the same boat as me. Just sharing a bit about what worked for me - I find joining uni societies really helps to open us up and find like-minded people. I joined a couple of societies - including degree-related, hobby-related, and identity-related ones (basically all of them). I was quite nervous at first but I do find them very useful. 

 

Let me know if this is something you would try!

 

Thanks heaps.

 
Anzelmo
AnzelmoPosted 20-07-2022 06:57 PM

Hi @nayuta

 

It can be hard to socialize sometimes, especially after lockdown and how isolated we all were. I can only imagine how difficult this may be making uni for you. Do you know if your university has any support that you can contact regarding getting some help with this like a counselor or mental health support?

 

Also, may I ask why you don't feel like you can talk to your friends about this? Is it related to you feeling anxious about that too?

 

Hope you are well 💙

 

 
 
nayuta
nayutaPosted 20-07-2022 10:12 PM

Hello, thanks so much for your reply.

I agree that the lockdown really affected our routine and I also realised that my anxiety got worse since couples years ago when we have the lock down. 

Well, I don't really have any friends to begin with...I met this girl in high school who finds me annoying because I get nervous talking to people and really hopeless in getting the conversation going. Ever since then I feel really scared meeting new people and didn't make any friends in uni...

 
Courtney-RO
Courtney-ROPosted 19-07-2022 09:47 PM

Hi @nayuta thank you for reaching out and sharing with us today. Anxiety on its own can be so hard to deal with so i'm sorry to hear that you've had to manage it all by yourself without the support of your family. I can hear just how hard you've been working to get your anxiety under control and that just shows how strong you are. I was just wondering if you have ever spoken to anyone about your anxiety? Whether it be another family member or even a health professional.

If you are up for a bit of a read, we have some great articles on Anxiety, including creating an action plan. There are also a number of great support services available to help you learn to manage it too.

You mentioned that you don't have anyone you can ask for advice, but I just want to say that you have us. Just remember that you're not alone and you have the whole ReachOut community behind you 💜

 
 
nayuta
nayutaPosted 20-07-2022 09:29 PM

Hi, thank you for your reply. I find that the anxiety has been demotivating from many things lately...I talked to my sister about it since I don't feel close to anyone else but her. Thanks for the articles as well, it's my first time finding resources about mental health, so I was a bit hesitant to reach out at first.

 
 
 
Courtney-RO
Courtney-ROPosted 20-07-2022 10:46 PM

I'm sorry to hear that the anxiety has been very demotivating lately @nayuta, that sounds really frustrating. Anxiety can be such a horrible feeling to deal with, so I was just wondering what kind of things you do to make yourself feel better? Have you been able to find anything that helps ease the anxiety at all?

I am glad to hear that you've got the support of your sister though, I imagine that makes things just that little bit easier.

Do you think you might feel comfortable talking to someone else about it at all? Kidshelpline is a really great service and they even have the option to chat online with a health professional too 💜

 
 
 
 
nayuta
nayutaPosted 20-07-2022 11:36 PM

I have been avoiding any situation where I need to talk to people or going outside... I had a chat with a peer worker recently and glad that I can talk about it. Do you think that it would be helpful to talk to a health professional?

Thanks again 

 
 
 
 
 
Sally_RO
Sally_ROPosted 21-07-2022 01:32 PM

Hey there @nayuta, it's nice to meet you! I have just been reading through your thread and wanted to see how you're feeling today? 

 

I totally agree with what @Lost_Space_Explorer5 has pointed out, it's really great to hear your chat with a peer worker went well. It sounds like being able to talk with others about what’s you're going through is really helpful for you. 

 

@Lost_Space_Explorer5 also raised some great questions around the idea of speaking with a health professional, is something you would be open to exploring? There are a few possible starting places depending on what you're comfortable with. Some options are a GP, Kids Helpline (as Courtney suggested), eHeadspace, or sometimes even checking out what your uni has on offer for health and wellbeing support can be a great option too. 

 

I am really glad you found your way to the forums, I hope you know that the ReachOut community is always here for you 💛

 
 
 
 
 
nayuta
nayutaPosted 22-07-2022 01:04 AM

Thank you both @Sally_RO and @Lost_Space_Explorer5 for your really great advice I've been looking into the counselling service at my uni and resources you mentioned. I feel a lot better recently when I had a chat a my peer worker and also thanks to everyone giving me advice in this forum! I really appreciate your help and very glad that I found this community 🙂

 

 
 
 
 
 
Portia_RO
Portia_ROPosted 22-07-2022 11:58 AM

We're glad you found us too @nayuta! Really glad to hear that having a chat with your peer worker was helpful. Keep us updated on how things go with the uni counselling service 🥰

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 21-07-2022 12:09 AM

Hey @nayuta I hope it's okay to jump in here! I'm sorry you've been struggling with anxiety in social situations, it sounds like its been a really isolating and stressful time 😞 I'm hearing that it's really negatively impacting on your ability to engage in life- in relationships and university studies. Has it been impacting on any other areas?

 

Avoidance can be a horrible cycle where the more you avoid, the more anxiety you feel. Do you think that applies to you at all?

 

I think it's amazing you had a chat with a peer worker- putting yourself out there and talking to people is hard enough, but I'd imagine putting yourself out there AND talking about your anxiety would be even more challenging! As someone who also struggles with social anxiety, I think that's actually a huge win

 

I think it could be helpful to talk to a health professional, did you have anyone in mind? What are your thoughts about it? Do you have any concerns?

 

I'm really glad your sister is supportive, though I'm sorry your family didn't listen, that would've been so invalidating and disheartening... If it's okay to ask, how did they respond? 

 

I just wanted to point out that even though you experienced this invalidation from your family, and your anxiety has been so bad, you have been really brave and resilient in reaching out and continuing to seek help! 🙂 You do deserve help and what you are experiencing is real

Welcome back!

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