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Re: I look like a freak

@Bay52VU  I forgot to mention, there is an author called David Sedaris and he also grew up feeling like he didn't fit in and wrote a lot of his thoughts down - his books are about his experiences and they are absolutely hilarious! I would encourage you to check some of them out!  Could be a bit inspirational and reasurring for you?  He helps to add a different perspective to a lot of problems


Re: I look like a freak

@Bay52VU  I forgot to mention, there is an author called David Sedaris and he also grew up feeling like he didn't fit in and wrote a lot of his thoughts down - his books are about his experiences and they are absolutely hilarious! I would encourage you to check some of them out!  Could be a bit inspirational and reasurring for you?  He helps to add a different perspective to a lot of problems

Re: I look like a freak

Its great to see that you have tried to feel content.. 

Some other ways that you can try to improve your self esteem can be:

1. Postitive self-talk: Compliment yourself everyday Smiley Happy

2. Don't compare yourself to others (when someone feminises you) 

3. Exercise: Helps put you in a better mood, OH chocolate does that too Smiley Happy

4. Don't strive for perfection - if you are, be your own symbol of perfect. 

5. Focus on the things you can change 

6. Surround yourself with supportive people - positive vibe!


These are some that might help you. 

If you want to read more, heres the link:

Smiley Happy 

Re: I look like a freak

@Bay52VU - do you not want to see your GP again because he/she wasn't particularly understanding last time? You could actually give Qlife a call again and see if they have a recommendation for other GPs and/or counsellors in your area who specialise in gender identity. I reckon that's something they would know.

Re: I look like a freak

Thanks guys.


@ElleBelle  I can't talk to my doc about it because there's no way for me to do that. There was one opportunity for me to say stuff. One go. I can't open up again or whatever. I'm not doing that again, not paying for the time or the difficulty just to say "hey can I swap the referral to someone else" only to then have to try and describe stuff to someone who at best will just ask irrelevant questions and tell me stuff I already know, or at worst stare at me like I have 3 heads and 8 eyes where I end up having to try to explain things and they just look like I'm not even slightly making sense or giving a true account of anything.


I just don't make sense on any level. 


Re: I look like a freak

@Bay52VU you make complete sense! Most advice people wiill give you is probably stuff you know and have heard before. It can get annoying hearing 'don't lose hope' 'keep trying' 'don't worry about others opinions' and so on.. becuase facing the situaiton and then advising someone on the situation is two very different things. Sure, no one in this world will be able to undersntand you 100%! That's impossible. But we all have different ways of viewing things and different ways of tackling situations. And thats why its important to talk to people and get different view points, strategies, tips. 

I can understand why you don't want to talk to your doctor. But, in a scientific/professtional point of view, they probably know your health the best, and so they can advise you accordingly and also advise you based on you! Besides generic stuff, if you get me? All doctors are supposed to be open to these type of discussions, but unfortunately not all doctors are the most loyal to their jobs. Is your doctor approachable? Maybe it won't hurt to have a chat with them? Or even your family, they definitely would know you well. Any friends as well? 


Its important you don't be so harsh on yourself. You are going through a tough time, and your thoughts and feelings are not expected to be as easy as 1,2,3... it can be complicated and confusing. People will understand-or will try to understand and help. Its important you talk to those you are aware of how to tackle these situations and to those who know you at a more personal level. 


Have you tried any of the tips we have suggested ? Smiley Happy

Re: I look like a freak

I've tried some of the suggestions, but can't keep them up over any length of time.

It's like there's only so much effort I can be bothered expending, and if I'm not in the mood it's not happening. I can barely keep up enthusiasm for something - at one moment something might seem exciting and cool, but within the hour I'll have decided it's too much work and the outcome would be dissatisfying at best. Can barely even be bothered cooking anything decent for myself, let alone doing something that actually requires dedication.


The doctor seemed fine with other things I've spoken to him about. It's just me. Even though he was fine, I can't go back for a frivolous thing like this. I can't go back for anything non-physical because there's just an overwhelming internal sense of it not being a big enough deal to talk about, and even if the person's not judging me for talking about it, it seems as though they couldn't possibly remain unjudgemental when I sit there giving whatever useless explanation of nothing that's ever been bungled together. How could it possibly be worth anything, how could it be even slightly important when those are the words I'm using, when that's all that I'm feeling, when there's no goddamn fucking tangible substance to a single part my answer to any one question.


I couldn't even mention changing the referral when I last saw the doc for something different, because it's a giant mental blocking point. Plus now I'm unsure if I've fucked something up with a blood test I had a few weeks ago and can't even bring myself to call the doc to find out about the results (or alternatively lack of results due to said fuckup). So basically I've crafted a giant obstacle course for myself to even consider making a call, let alone convincing myself that feelings/thoughts are worth discussing again about any topic, committing to calling, actually getting up the guts to call and any of the follow-up actions to sort out whatever needs to be sorted out. Too hard basket, no can do.


I can't talk to family about personal crap. My one friend is cool but I can't dump half of this stuff anywhere near him. So it's just me and whatever new wing to the labyrinth of bullshit I've constructed for myself.


Re: I look like a freak

That makes sense!

Why don't you start with a few of the easy ones.. and set reminders on your phone even? 

You can even put a stcky note on your bathroom mirror, so when you go brush your teeth evey morning you will see one of the tips there and keep up with it. Maybe the one on your bathroom mirror can be - compliment yourself? 


hmmm... if you are struggling with keeping your self motivated. 

I would suggest you write down a list of things you want to do, start small-daily or even weekly.. and show someone close to you so they can motivate you whenever you start losing motivation, get me? Someone who will actually ask you about how these things are going. Probably your family! 

Also, check out this link to find out more about getting motivated Smiley Happy


Firstly, what you're going through is definitely not 'frivolous' !

Just because it is not physical pain does not mean it is not significant. If anything, its more important than pshycial pain. Our thought and emotions are so powerful that sometimes if we recover from physical pain its because of our mental state!

Our thoughts are complex and you're right its not possible to even completely answer these questions. and thats becuase it's so hard to analyse/see what another persons thoughts are, its not as simple as 'here's a band-aid' or 'take these tablets' .. when feeling like this you need to fight with yourself and tackle all the negativity in yourself which is hard because you need determitation and strenght to do it. How can you think that this isn't significant? 

Thats why there are psychologists and even doctors! To help you. I think you should definitely consult a doctor. 


Its fine if you have 'screwed' up. We all do! You'd be a robot if you didn't.. Give him a call, whats the worst that could happen even if it was a 'screw up'? SImply, another test right? 


I think you should try one of them.. 

maybe tell your friend the general jist of how you're feeling and see if he responds back in a thoughtful/helpful way and make your way from there. If they are your friend, I am sure he will try help you to some extent. Smiley Happy 



Re: I look like a freak

Just a thought. Have you gone to headspace. They also have gps there thst could refer you onto other services.
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
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