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Im an awful human being

So for the last few weeks I've been forming a fairly decent relationship with this girl.

However i feel it might end bad, she has a boyfriend and a bad experience with that sort of thing and shes gonna fins out how mentally ill i am....

I cant stop crying, I feel so pathetic...i care about her a and want to be an important part of her life...but I may have stuffed up
MemphisBelle
MemphisBellePosted 19-07-2016 10:03 PM

Comments

 
MemphisBelle
MemphisBellePosted 27-07-2016 09:29 PM
@Kaz-RO A bit of everything at the moment really

I care about her so much, it for some reason really warms my heart when I make her smile but I cant offer her anything else either

I didnt have many friends in high school, I was told by another student that one liked and wanted me to die.
This was in the 11th grade and it scarred me badly

I feel like my life is a mess, like i cant find happiness or i dont deserve it

 
 
Ben-RO
Ben-ROPosted 08-08-2016 05:12 PM

Hey @MemphisBelle i know this is a bit of an old thread, but i wanted to check in and see if you want to talk more through this?

 

How is your search for happiness going?

 
witheverylight
witheverylightPosted 26-07-2016 04:53 PM

Ill try and keep this concise. 

 

Falling for someone that is already in a relationship is normal and it doesnt make you a bad person. It has happened to me many times. The important thing is to respect their relationship but I know it hurts. But time will heal and you will meet other girls or who knows maybe fate will bring you two together someday. For now focus on other things and give your love to others around you.

 

 

Have you been to a therapist about being in a relationship? how to go about being in one? Seems to me you have a lot of fear about being in one. Maybe a therapist can help?

 
 
MemphisBelle
MemphisBellePosted 27-07-2016 05:27 PM

Hey all,

 

It's been a while since I spoke

 

Our honestly think our friendship is gonna be fine, we've had several conversations and I'll be going to a party she's hosting soon.

 

I'm just worried because friends have dumped and left me in the past due to my mental illness issues in the past and I don't want that to happen here, I have some weird interests..in fact I was unfriended on Facebook because I revealed I was writing my own true crime book (it's a blog at the moment but I have dream of turning it into a book) . Some people think I'm kinda freaky for that, sure some think it's cool I'm planning my own book but still it hurts they are doing it for reasons that have nothing to do with me as a person.

 

I'm just kinda depressed at the moment.

 
 
 
Kaz-RO
Kaz-ROPosted 27-07-2016 08:39 PM

Can I ask what's making you feel depressed? Is it the more broad social stuff, rather than this one friend @MemphisBelle?

 
 
 
Kaz-RO
Kaz-ROPosted 27-07-2016 08:38 PM

@MemphisBelle that book sounds so cool. What's also great is there's such a space atm for podcasts, blogs etc on True Crime thanks to media like Serial and Making a Murderer. You couldn't have picked a better time to find people who are interested in what you like. I don't mean to minimise how much it must have hurt to lose those friends, because I can only imagine how awful that felt - but I do want you to know that you're not alone - there's lots of us out there that love the mystery of true crime!

 

You should definitely feel free to make threads about stuff like that that interests you over in the Hang Out boards whenever it takes your fancy!

 
Lahna
LahnaPosted 26-07-2016 01:23 PM

Hey @MemphisBelle,

 

Welcome to the forums.

 

After reading these posts, I wondered about your thread title. What makes you think you're an awful person? 

I think you're a human who is caught up in a complicated relationship with a person you care about a lot.

 

How are you doing today, have you spoken to her again?

 

Here to help,

 

Lahna

 
N1ghtW1ng
N1ghtW1ngPosted 20-07-2016 11:22 AM
@MemphisBelle It sounds like it went alright and that your friend isn't freaked out. If you feel that you can, you could ask her about it, that you feel you might of freaked her out.

That theatre sounds fun too. 🙂
 
 
N1ghtW1ng
N1ghtW1ngPosted 20-07-2016 06:37 PM
That's okay @MemphisBelle!

After a couple of days, the worry should dissipate because she'll still be there.
Let us know how things go. 🙂
 
 
MemphisBelle
MemphisBellePosted 20-07-2016 02:43 PM

@N1ghtW1ng

 

Probably won't be that necessary at this point, I covered all that the same day I gave that speech.

 

I'm just worried my overall weirdness could be the problem, I think I might have overstated slightly when I say "freaked out"

 

Sorry bout that!

 

 

 
 
 
tsnyder
tsnyderPosted 26-07-2016 03:58 PM

Hi @MemphisBelle, thanks for posting, haven't heard from you in a while, how have you been?

@Lahna asked a really good question - why do you feel you're an awful person?

 

Relationships and friendships can often feel really intense! It's very normal to worry and feel anxious, and it sounds like you've been really brave by telling her how you felt.  Top stuff!

 

It seems like you have a couple of different worries?  For example, that you'll interfere with her relationship, that you've 'freaked her out' by your behaviour, and that you've made her worry by what you said?  What is worrying you the most?

 

Her relationship is ultimately her decision, so that's not worth worrying about!  It seems like she reacted really positively to what you said to her, so what makes you think you made her uncomfortable?  However, if she is feeling a bit uncomfortable, what are some strategies you could use to deal with this?

 

As an aside, I once saw a guy hype himself up to kiss a girl, in front of the girl.  True story, and it all turned out fine!  

 
N1ghtW1ng
N1ghtW1ngPosted 20-07-2016 10:15 AM
Hey @MemphisBelle,

It's great that's you've formed a new relationship. Is there something that you did in particular, that you feel you stuffed up? Sometimes, when it's about people we care about, small things can seem bigger and cause worry.
Have you talked to her, about how you feel? It is always hard to talk to people about problems but it can often be rewarding.

You are not pathetic. You are an amazing and caring person.

How are you feeling today?
 
 
MemphisBelle
MemphisBellePosted 20-07-2016 10:52 AM

@N1ghtW1ng

I feel I stuffed up in the way I actually tried to explain my feelings to her,

 

I told her that I knew her relationship with her boyfriend was important to her and I would never try to interfere with it but I still cared about her and wanted to be an important part of her life and a good friend to her. She knows I've had massive issues with panic disorders.

 

I stuttered and sounded like I was on the verge of a panic attack the whole time, it felt embarassing. I meant what I said but still...ugh

 

She seemed happy and very touched with what I said, I just hope I didn't freak her out.

 

I'm not too bad today, I'm working on another theatre show soon.

Welcome back!

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