It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 3!)

The session was okay. We didn't really talk a lot about safety stuff but that's cause I said I didn't want to 😅 My psych bought a weighted koala for her room because she thought it would be helpful for me and other clients and I instantly got attached to it 🤣

Oh no don't go I will be sad if we don't have our late night forum take over! 😆 (just kidding, of course it's up to you and you should do what you need right now ❤️)

I think they might be sweet potato fries! Yummy!

this was me

That's fair enough. Are you feeling safe tonight? 

Also, that is so cool about the weighted koala. It sounds like you have such a thoughtful psych and like she really cares about her clients. That's awesome and I'm so glad you have her. 

@MB95 Yeah I'm feeling a bit safer today. How are you going though mumma sloth? I saw on one of your other threads that you're not in a good place at the moment? 😞 Can I help? I was going to try and rick roll you in morse code but now it doesn't seem as appropriate 😅 (I hope you know what rick rolling is... or you'll be like wtf...)

Also I'm sorry if talking about my psych triggered you at all because I know you don't really have any supports at the moment 😢 so I'd imagine it would feel a bit upsetting talking about it...

Also are YOU feeling safe?

I feel terrible for laughing at this last one 😆

Also yes I'm messaging you on this thread cause you're not responding on your thread and I wanted to know if you're okay 😅 and I thought you're more likely to check this thread than your own so mwahaha

I'm glad to hear you're feeling a bit safer today and hope the cuddles with the koala helped. I'm not great tbh, but we don't need to talk about that, I'll work it out. Thanks for checking though, just not sure there's much you can do but I appreciate you asking. I'm just avoiding my threads and stuff atm cause it's a bit much and I'd prefer to be helping you guys out where I can. Sorry, I promise I'm not ignoring your messages, just yeah. Also, please do not apologise for talking about your psych for a second!! Thats my own issue and shit to deal with so don't even worry about it!! I'm just really glad you have a psych who is so supportive and cares about you. It makes me happy to know, so please don't feel like you need to apologise!!

Also, there is defs a lot of wtf going on over here.. what on earth is rick rolling? Lol 

I too got a laugh out of the last GIF so I guess we're both terrible people. It's nice to know I'm not gonna be going to hell on my own though haha 

HAHAH my friend didn't know what it was either. It's when you get someone to click on a link that links you to that song "Never Gonna Give You Up" and you do it as subtly as possible so they aren't expecting it.

Lol we both going to hell I guess...

You didn't answer if you're feeling safe.... Can I ask again?

Okay so I'm left with a problem. You gotta help me out here.. I don't want to let you push me away because I appreciate how rejecting that can feel (I push people away all the time and it's kind of paradoxical how it can feel rejecting for the person who is pushing people away, but that's humans I guess!). But I also want to respect your boundaries. I know helping others can be a way of coping but it can also be a way of avoiding things.. Hmm what's the best question I can ask here? What would happen if I did push you and ask what's wrong?

Hey @MB95 and @Lost_Space_Explorer5,

First of all, I gotta say that I'm loving the Gifs. They are so cute and they are making me laugh. It's so great to see that you are both so supportive of each other and that you look out for one another. @MB95 please always feel free to check in. It's understandable that some days are hard to do a check in, just please remember that people care about you here and want to know that you are ok. @Lost_Space_Explorer5 you make a very interesting point about pushing people away, yet not like being rejected. It's very interesting that you have awareness of this strategy within yourself and that you know you can be helping others as a coping strategy as well as an avoidance strategy. This is a great reflection and self-awareness to have.

Loving the idea of the weighted koala. I can understand why you would have become attached to it. It's sounds awesome!!

Yep, defs no ducks or fish around here! They're long gone 😂 Also, you totally win the flying fish GIF challenge 👏

Stop being so nice! I don't deserve it! Also, this is YOUR thread so can we please talk about YOU now?! I'm as safe as I can be so there is no need to be worrying, leave the worrying to mumma sloth that's her job remember! And yes, I get it hahaha the nightmare comment. Don't be sorry, I laughed. 

You better get brain storming on a name.. we can't have Mr Koala being nameless, that would be a crime! When you come up with it, morse code it to me so I can see if I can work it out! I noticed you replied over there but I just don't have it in me tonight I'm sorry. I'll get to it soon though! Right now I think I'm gonna take some sleeping meds and hope they knock me out or else there's no way I'm winging this exam tomorrow 😂

Hahaha I wasn't aware it was a challenge?! What's the prize? 😛

What why don't you deserve kindness? Do you really not believe you deserve kindness? 😞

Well I'm glad you're safe! And that sounds like a good plan, you've got this! What's the exam on? Do the sleeping pills help with the nightmares at all? 😞

Lol I know it's 'my' thread but a) I'm a master avoider and b) I was worried about you!

And that's okay the morse code isn't going anywhere!

Ooh let me check if I'm caught up on the games threads 🙂

mr octopus will protect you from nightmares^

Going to legitimately lose it at this stupid forum in a minute!!! It keeps deleting my messages!!! Probably a good thing anyway cause I'm not sure it was the safest of messages to post so maybe it knew. Who knows. I'll just leave it there tonight I think cause yeah. The exam is on my actual OT content and an oral one so we'll see how much shit I can dribble in 10min 😂 I don't wanna share too much about it cause for some stupid reason I'm still paranoid about someone working out who I am which I know is ridiculous but yeah 🤦‍♀️ 

Thanks for Mr Octopus lol Lets hope he works some wonders cause to answer your question safely and briefly, no they don't do much at all lol I'll probs chuck them out tomorrow to be safe. Just needed something to try get me through exams but yeah. 

I'll catch up on the games thread tomorrow or something, can't remember who is up to what with responding!

Anyway, thanks for tonight. I hope you're okay and ready to chat all things YOU tomorrow!!! 💙

Hey @MB95 

I wanted to check in and see if you are still having any issues with forum posts disappearing? It would be super frustrating, please let us know if it keeps happening 💜

I'm really sorry to hear about your exam today, I am feeling for you and @Lost_Space_Explorer5 so much going through exam time, it is a super shitty time. 

I can see y'all have been tagging in wellbeing threads which is very lovely, I hope that is a nice distraction for you both 🥰

Thanks for tagging me in the wellbeing threads lost. It was all a bit too much earlier and still is now but I will try and give them a go sometime and maybe we can do some together like you said? 

I will try and catch up on the games threads. Sorry, everything is a bit much atm. I thought it was your turn 🤦‍♀️ Can't keep up. 

That's okay @MB95 And yes I would love to do them together! 🙂 I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed at the moment 😞 Is there anything I can do?

Hmm.. prepare for your exam so that tomorrow we can celebrate? 

But I have to redo maths in a couple weeks so it won't be much of a celebration 😞

Ugh that's so frustrating! I can't see your post in the spam bot thing or in removed posts so it must have something to do with the new forums glitching 😬

Eep the idea of a 10 minute presentation terrifies me! Literally one time I had to do one of those at school and I just burst out crying for the whole thing HAHAHAHAH. And that's okay, at this point I just assume people have worked out who I am 😭 but it's probably not the case... I hope... No one's really that interested in me anyway!

Ugh that's really annoying they don't help with the nightmares 😞

Please take care of you tonight and reach out if you need help okay?

Good luck with the exam you'll do great and if it doesn't go as planned it's okay we'll figure it out!

Any chance you're around?

Yes I am- I have been summoned! 😛 (I'm on my computer 'studying' (staring blankly at lectures in 2x speed so not really) so naturally RO is in the background and I saw this!)

What's up? Are you okay? Have you done your exam yet?

Not really. I was going to see if you wanted to play some games but you need to study!!! Let's chat tomorrow after your exam instead, I forgot you had that. And stats too, that requires every brain cell to be focused! You got this 💪

Ah I knew I phrased that the wrong way! No I'm happy to play games! I wanted to explain why I was so speedy replying lol 😅 Cause sometimes I'll see you've asked if I'm around HOURS later and feel so bad and it's cause my notifications don't work anymore 😢

What's been going on? Do you want to talk about it?

And who cares about stats! 😛

No please, I'm being serious. I want you to focus on your exam because that's important. You didn't phrase that the wrong way at all, I knew what you meant lol I know you are but it would make me more happy to know you're focusing and studying for stats. I don't wanna be responsible for you flunking out like I did today. Please go study and forget I messaged! (Also, I do mean that and am not just saying it to try push you away. I know you care and all that but yeah, please go focus on stats). Just hearing from you now has helped remind me someone is there so thanks 💙

But.. but... you being okay and safe is more important than stats 😭

How about a compromise I'll multitask? I have no focus anyway 😞 I promise I have good boundaries and will tell you when I need to study but now is not the case....

^Me not wanting to be another person who lets you down

We could do some wellbeing tasks together 😉 Then I can say it's a study break for self-care? I can tag you in some wellbeing tasks!

I can't just forget you messaged 😆 I would have wanted to check in anyway regardless of if you messaged!

Or we can chat about what's been going on because I do care and am worried about you! You say you flunked out today? 😞 Did the oral task go badly? Are you beating yourself up about that?

Ha! Not really. Your exam is important dude and I want you to do the best you can and that means putting in the hard yards now to study. So PLEASE go do that. I know you can multitask but really it will just be a distraction and you won't be able to focus on stats. I know you. 

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at that GIF. It's happened so much recently that I honestly think I'm numb to being let down now and wouldn't even feel it 😂 Besides, I can promise you, there's no way you could possibly let me down. 

Idk I'm up for wellbeing tasks tbh. Like I'll have a look but laying in bed is about all I've got in me right now. I was trying to watch a movie but my laptop died and I don't even have the energy to get up and put it on charge 🙃 

Let's just say the oral didn't help my mood at all. I almost didn't go to my exam cause I just don't care about anything right now and couldn't get out of bed. Then when I got there nothing made sense and I was so disconnected. They were asking me questions and I had to ask them to repeat it 3 times before I left the room in tears because I couldn't concentrate or make sense of what they were saying. It was a shit show but whateverrrrrrrr It's done now. They were awesome about it cause my lecturers are amazing but yeah. I just felt like a freak because I couldn't explain what was happening to me and they didn't know what to do. I know I shouldn't have but I came home and cracked a drink before 11am 🤦‍♀️ I'm not proud of it but just wanted everything to stop and to try and forget but yeah. I realised how stupid I was being and that it wasn't going to end well so I put the last of it in the fridge and here I am trying to do the right thing and watch a movie and stay distracted and now my laptop died and I just cannot be bothered with life anymore 😂 Anyway. Lets please not talk about me anymore. Especially over here. This is YOUR thread!! I only came on here to play some games but I really want you to focus on your exam! We can chat tomorrow once you've come out and smashed it because you studied and didn't the right thing today!!!!