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It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 3!)

I had to make a new thread it was too confusing to find the most recent posts after the update :'( and my old thread was a bit of a mess. This is a thread continuing on from parts 1&2 😛 and usually includes me venting about uni, pain, attachment issues, heavy thoughts, and ocd thoughts. And sometimes issues around family or friends. And for some reason sometimes we talk about sloths. Essentially it's one of those threads that we aren't technically encouraged to make because they go on and on and on but I find them helpful because we get to see where we've come from

[Also... I'll generally put a TW if I say anything that's potentially triggering]

 

Responding to @Taylor-RO from my old thread

 

Yeah, it is frustrating but more just makes me hopeless 😞 Catching up on uni did not go well, I have an essay due next week that I haven't started 😞 Thanks for the positive vibes 😛

Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 05-05-2021 10:43 PM

Comments (35 pages)

 
 
 
Eden1717
Eden1717Posted 29-09-2021 05:59 PM

sorry your intrusive thoughts have been bad lately. how are you going today? 

 
 
 
 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 01-10-2021 12:55 PM

Thanks @TOM-RO and @Eden1717❤️

 

I'm going okay last night I completely lost the plot though ahahah but I'm okay now

 
 
 
 
 
Eden1717
Eden1717Posted 02-10-2021 08:08 PM

it is good you are ok now. did you want to talk about what happened? how are things today? 

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 03-10-2021 12:46 AM

Thanks @Taylor-RO and @Eden1717 I'm not entirely sure what happened and when I think about it I start to get really upset so I'm trying not to think about it

 

 

Spoiler

*TW* (I'm safe)

But like being vague about it I thought I'd done something really bad like unforgivable and was feeling like there was no way out. It was linked to my intrusive thoughts too. Anyway like I don't know what happened but thankfully I talked to a helpline which I mean wasn't exactly helpful because they didn't see how what I did was bad and didn't take me seriously, but I guess their lack of taking it seriously helped keep me safe in some weird way? Like it made me question if maybe what I did wasn't so bad. I also spoke to my backup psych about it over the phone because my psych has been away for a while

But yeah that was scary cause when I think about it I start spiraling again so I've been avoiding thinking about it

The whole thing is really embarrassing cause yeah I don't know but I'm worried I'm going crazy and I can't really explain what happened. It's not like I wasn't getting enough sleep I was I just completely lost it. Literally I was sobbing thinking I should turn myself into the police or that I was so bad I had to die. But I mean surely if I'd done something that bad the helpline or my backup psych would have already turned me in? Idk I told them everything about what happened so yeah. Idk if I think about it I get really worked up again so best to just avoid that lol

 

 
 
 
 
 
Eden1717
Eden1717Posted 04-10-2021 01:19 AM

I am sorry that must have been really upsetting intrusive thoughts and OCD really can be the worst at times it can make you feel like such a horrible person for the most random things so i am sorry you had to go through that but i am glad you got some support at the time and that it kind of helped a little. sometimes not thinking about it and moving on is best. 

 

how have you been going today? 

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 04-10-2021 04:54 PM

Thanks @Sophia-RO I don't have a session with my psych till 2 weeks from now 

 

Thanks @Eden1717 I agree I'm trying not to think about it cause my view about it seems different to others 

 

I am going okay today. My thoughts are still bad but also I'm feeling really sick so I decided to go to a hospital GP and I'm waiting to see the doctor. I'm feeling a lot better than an hour ago but I'm here so might as well stay and wait to be seen. Lol I have so many physical ailments at the moment it's ridiculous I think I'm imagining them

 

Also something interesting happened the other week where I told a friend I had feelings for them but they didn't feel the same way but that's okay cause I'm happy to be friends. But anyway now I'm much more sure that I am bi 

 

Also I feel like I haven't been on here as much lately idk it feels like something is missing with a certain friend aging out of here I think I needed time to adjust. So it's partially that and partially I'm really paranoid about people figuring out who I am on here because of reasons so I'm staying a bit more silent this month at least hehe. And also because I'm really ashamed to talk about myself cause of my intrusive thoughts 

 
 
 
 
 
Janine-RO
Janine-ROPosted 05-10-2021 10:08 AM

Heya @Lost_Space_Explorer5 ,

 

I've just been catching up on your thread, it sounds like there's been a lot going on for you - I'm really sorry to hear that you've been having those issues with reflux and chest pain, I've also had that a few times, and it can be super scary! It's like, even though you know that it's probably nothing harmful, our bodies and brains are wired to register chest pain as something Not Good. I'm glad to hear that you decided to go get it all checked out, it's always good to listen to that inner voice I think- let us know how you get on with the doctor 💜

 

Intrusive thoughts can be really shit- it makes sense that it's hard to talk about that stuff, but I actually really admire your bravery and honesty in talking about them and how it affects you, I reckon there's so many people who feel like they're the only ones having to deal with it, because a lot of us don't talk about it. 

 

Sending lots of good vibes your way, keep us posted with how you go with the dr (also, have you been watching the new Grey's Anatomy season?  a friend gave me a heads up that it's just started again and i thought of you! )

 

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 06-10-2021 01:20 AM

Yeah and it's so stressful as well I'm always worried I'm gonna get permanent damage or something @Eden1717😞 Hahaha that is very true having a crush can make you do stuff you wouldn't ordinarily do 😅

 

Thanks @Courtney-RO yeah I think she did appreciate my honesty 🙂 I literally forgot to sleep last night haha, I was watching 'squid game'- which I should not have watched because it kind of disturbed me but yes I watched the entire season last night instead of sleeping 🤦‍♀️ But as for tonight I guess I could try and get to sleep a little earlier

 

I feel like my life has no purpose at the moment cause I'm not studying and I can't get a job 😞

 

Thanks @Janine-RO🙂 Yeah it's really tough to talk about the intrusive thoughts 😞 I hope maybe other people reading this know they're not alone, although I'm not able to share what the thoughts are.

 

Wait there's a new new season? Like a season 18? I must investigate 🕵️‍♀️

 

*TW* (needles)

 

I got my second jab today and gosh my arm is more sore than last time. The person who injected me was more forceful injecting me than the one last time.

 

Also @Eden1717 I'm curious now (you don't have to answer) but is the sore arm pain a person gets after a vaccine what you feel after depot? Cause that would be so awful! 😞 Like you wouldn't be able to use your arm for a bit afterwards!

 
 
 
 
 
Janine-RO
Janine-ROPosted 06-10-2021 12:16 PM

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  there is indeed a season 18 out of Grey's (I love how I am addressing the really important issues first lol!) - did you watch season 17? I didn't think I'd enjoy it, but ended up absolute bawling my way through it, I watched it earlier this lockdown. I have relatives who live in the USA so it felt too close to home to watch it when it came out, but I did find it oddly cathartic to watch it now. Weird, cos I'm not normally a big crier- but I think i needed it

 

I just saw your other post about your interview too- job interviews aboslutely suck, I hope it went better than you think it did! But even if it didn't- chances are, you did really well to even get to the interview stage. So many people I know talked about applying for literally hundreds of jobs when they graduated, it really is a numbers game- you are awesome, and any organisation would be lucky to have you. I've had a few shocking interviews in my time- I remind myself that most (decent) interviewers know that the whole process is really weird and stressful, and basically nobody is at their best in a job interview situation!  

 

Do you have something nice planned for yourself this afternoon @Lost_Space_Explorer5 ?  I think you definitely deserve a little treat- bingeing trashy TV also counts, if that's what you're in the mood for 😉 

 
 
 
 
 
Janine-RO
Janine-ROPosted 06-10-2021 12:17 PM

And also - I'm really sorry to hear that you had bad news from the uni you were interested in 😞  It's such a long and tough process, and it sucks having to deal with those disappointments along the way. Hope you're feeling OK 💛

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 06-10-2021 11:48 AM

Ugh I just had a job interview today and I completly messed it up I'll never get a job 😞 I also got rejected by a uni I wanted to study at

 

R e j e c t i o n

 
 
 
 
 
Eden1717
Eden1717Posted 06-10-2021 04:35 PM

I am sorry about the job interview those are super hard to begin with so try not to be to hard on yourself. also sorry about hearing from the uni sounds like yesterday was a pretty horrible day. how did you find squid game? i watched it when it first came out and i also binge watched it over 2 days lol. have you watched a korean drama before? how are you feeling today @Lost_Space_Explorer5 ? 

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 12-10-2021 07:50 PM

Thanks @Eden1717 they are super hard 😞 And I liked squid game. Even though it was a little scary. I don't think I would have made it through the first round 😂 I don't think I actually have watched a korean drama before this! I can't remember do you watch a lot of korean dramas? 🙂 I know you asked last wednesday but I'm doing okay today. I had to get a gastroscopy and it went much better than the last time I did one where I woke up mid procedure 🙃

 

I must check the new season out @Janine-RO! I did watch season 17 it showed me how intense stuff was in America with covid. Although then covid got worse here so yeah! Crying is good sometimes!

 

I actually heard back from a place after like 3 weeks of not hearing anything from them and thinking I got rejected, and they said I got a job! Super excited as it's my first proper paid job but also nervous cause I don't want to stuff it up! It's in retail but stationary retail and I love stationary so yay!

 
 
 
 
 
Philippa-RO
Philippa-ROPosted 13-10-2021 12:01 PM

Huge congratulations about the job @Lost_Space_Explorer5

Are you looking forward to starting work?

I'm so happy for you that you're going to be working somewhere you love to be - yay! 
Good luck for starting - I really hope you love it. 😃

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 15-10-2021 12:30 AM

That's okay, you don't have to apologise @Eden1717! I'm going okay

 

Thanks @Philippa-RO🙂 and idk it's a casual job so the times are always going to move around. I'm having some sort of existential crisis at the moment because I really don't know what I want to do with my life

 
 
 
 
 
Eden1717
Eden1717Posted 15-10-2021 10:36 PM

I am glad you are going ok. it is ok to be unsure of what you want to do sometimes we just have to live in the moment for a while. 

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 16-10-2021 11:48 PM

Thanks @Eden1717❤️

 
 
 
 
 
Eden1717
Eden1717Posted 12-10-2021 07:57 PM

CONGRATS on the job!!! that is very exciting news. yeah i watch a lot of korean dramas lol. i wouldnt have signed up for squid game to begin with. I am glad your procdure went well and that you are feeling ok today. 

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 12-10-2021 09:19 PM

Awwh thanks @Eden1717! ❤️ I think I'm starting next week 😄 The store I'm going to work at (I feel like I'm jinxing this hahah) is one I often used to go in before covid just to look at the stationary cause I find it calming 🤣 so it's pretty cool!

 

Yeah you do! I always get confused because I think you study Japanese but watch a lot of Korean dramas (?) and I worry I'm getting mixed up 😅

 

Oh how is Chicago Med going?

 

And thanks I'm glad it went okay too 🙂

 
 
 
 
 
Eden1717
Eden1717Posted 12-10-2021 09:28 PM

next week that is exciting! yeah i am studying japanese but i used to study korean as well so that is why i got into the korean dramas. i havent watched chicago med in a while actually idk why. 

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 12-10-2021 09:58 PM

Yeah! Hopefully nothing goes wrong between now and then! And cool that makes sense! Do you watch the original versions with subtitles or the dubbed versions? 🙂 Watching the originals would be a good way to keep up your knowledge of Korean! I've almost completely forgotten the French I learnt at school 😬 Oh rip maybe chicago med got boring? Have you been watching anything interesting lately?

 
 
 
 
 
Eden1717
Eden1717Posted 12-10-2021 10:04 PM

I watch the original with subtitles. idk i dont think it got boring i just havent been watching much lately because i can hardly focus on anything that is more than 5 minutes. 

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_Space_Explorer5
Lost_Space_Explorer5Posted 12-10-2021 10:27 PM

Oh cool! It sounds like you're really good with languages which is so cool! Do Japanese and Korean have much in common? Or are they pretty different? Sorry it's been hard to focus- it makes sense that you haven't been able to watch it lately 😞

 
 
 
 
 
Eden1717
Eden1717Posted 14-10-2021 10:08 PM

Yeah they have quite a bit in common. sorry i disapered how are you going today? 

 
 
 
 
 
Eden1717
Eden1717Posted 04-10-2021 07:55 PM

I hope seeing the dr helps you, it is never nice to feel sick. well done on telling your friend your feelings even if it wasnt able to be reciprocated it takes a lot of courage to do that sort of thing. i can understand the feeling like something is missing it does feel a little different without them but sometimes we just need time to adjust. 

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